THE VAMPIRE DIARIES: “Bringing Out the Dead”

 Read on for my recap & review of The Vampire Diaries 3×13, “Bringing Out the Dead,” aired Thursday, February 2^nd, 2012:

 

Previously on The Vampire Diaries: Coffin drama! Coffins, coffins, coffins! Harder to hide than a moonstone, and filled with toy surprises. And the best toy surprise of all? Eliiiiiiijah. After the heart-snatching cliffhanger a couple weeks ago, I couldn’t wait for “Bringing Out the Dead.” I was not disappointed. I was, however, a bit overwhelmed. There were like three different A stories going on, so I never knew how to feel. What to focus on? “Alaric is dying … but Elijah is talking about the original Petrova!” “Poor Caroline … but I really hope Elena didn’t just kill Alaaaaaaric!” “I really want to pay attention to Elijah’s beautifully delivered exposition … but Alaric’s ring isn’t so trustworthy these days.” “Ooooh, Klaus is sticking Stefan’s hand in the fire … but who do you think is killing Council members?” You get the picture. On second viewing, I was able to follow everything much more coherently, and enjoy it all a lot more.

So much to discuss. Hot brother dinner party! Mysterious rampaging serial killer! New vampire! Another parental death! Alaric died for the fifth time! (It was the fifth time, right?) Klaus revealed that he is a Matt-Elena shipper! Stefan admitted that Damon was right about something! The mysterious coffin opened! Original family reunion! So much muchness. On to the recap …

We open on the newly undaggered Elijah. Not a bad way to start an episode. Klaus offers his brother a drink, but Elijah would rather fight. Klaus is annoyed by this because he just finished renovating. Priorities! Klaus even claims, “I kept my word. I reunited you with our family.” Ha! More fighting. Since Damon (smartly) held onto the dagger he pulled out of Elijah, Klaus resorts to pulling one out of another dead family member. Elijah dares his brother to stab him, but points out he’ll have Kol to deal with. (Oooh, new Original brother!) Quite a conundrum. Klaus then tells Elijah that Mikael is dead. He killed him. Elijah: “Why do our family remain in these coffins? Finn for over 900 years, Kol for over a century.” (Ooooh, Original family history! Take note.) Klaus: “Because of Stefan Salvatore. He holds the one thing keeping me from freeing them. There are things that you do not know about our past, Elijah—our mother’s death. Things I never wanted you to know, but I’m ready to tell you now. I only ask that you remember the oath of loyalty you once swore to me.” With that, Klaus re-daggers Kol. “Always and forever. I need you to stand by my side. Be my brother. Help me destroy Stefan and I promise you our family will be whole again.” Hmmm. “Always and forever” sounds less like an oath of familial loyalty, and more like the catch phrase of a soap opera super-couple. Really, Originals? 

Meanwhile, at the Gilbert home, Alaric needs aspirin. He’s hung over. Must be Tuesday. He explains to Elena, “It was a bit of a weird night.” Elena reminds him that he doesn’t have to feel guilty about having Meredith over, but Alaric corrects her. He’s feeling guilty for whiskey dialing Meredith at 2 a.m. Oh, Alaaaric. Elena takes the words out of my mouth: “No you didn’t.” Alaric: “Oh yes I did.” Elena: “Was she cool about it?” You guys, it amuses me TO NO END, that this is Elena’s reaction. “Was she cool about it?” Oh, Elena. Alaric: “As soon as these aspirin kick in and I remember the conversation, I’ll let you know.” Poor Alaaaaaaric. The life of an alcoholic-unlucky-in-love-history-teaching-vampire-slayer-slash-guardian-of-a-frequently-kidnapped-doppelgänger is full of headaches.

This morning routine is interrupted when Sheriff Forbes shows up. We are then treated to a porch scene of a different sort. Porches: they’re not just for crying and kissing! They’re also good for discussing murder weapons. Liz shows Elena and Alaric the weapon used to kill Brian, the medical examiner. Alaric recognizes it as “one of ours.” Apparently it is one of a set from Elena’s parents’ lake house. Dun dun dun. And that’s not all. There was only one set of prints on it: Elena’s.

Cut to Elena on the phone with Damon, sharing this information. Elena says that Sheriff Forbes doesn’t think she did it, but wants to find out who would have used her weapons. Damon: “Well, why don’t you just ask Ric if his dirty little doctor had access to the weapons?” Alaric: “You’re on speakerphone, dick.” Ha! Anyway, as they hash things out, Alaric points out that Brian Walters was killed days ago, while he didn’t show Meredith his weapon stash until last night. Good point. Elena is convinced it wasn’t Meredith: “I refuse to believe that your luck with women is that tragic.” Aw, so naïve. So … not paying attention to anything that has happened over three seasons. Damon wonders who else knows about Alaric’s “secret little slayer stash.” Alaric: “Who doesn’t? I’ve got weapons everywhere. Here, the school, my loft, your car.” Hee. Damon brings up the fact that it could be Klaus, screwing with them. I have to say, I think this theory the most likely. Not that Klaus is killing these people himself, but that he compelled someone to. I hate to think it but could this be related to the deal he make with Sheriff Forbes, perhaps? Elena brings up another suspect: Stefan. But so much less blood than his usual execution method, right? Damon: “Ahhh, makes me nostalgic for the time when Stefan was a bunny sniffing pacifist.” Me too, Damon. Me too. But then Damon has to go—“Tea with an old friend.”

Apparently that is code for “meeting with Elijah in a clearing in the woods.” Better than tea. Damon: “Elijah, my favorite Original, back from the dead. You clean up nice.” Word. Elijah: “You left something in my jacket pocket.” He holds up a note. Damon: “Oh yeah. Dear Elijah, lets get together to plot the destruction of your brother. Xoxo.” LOVE LOVE LOVE. Hee. Damon wonders if he was right to undagger Elijah, or if they’re going to have a problem. Elijah: “I’m here. Let’s talk.” Damon: “I’ll start with an easy question. Any idea what kind of Klaus-killing weapon could me magically sealed in a mystery coffin?” Sadly, we don’t get to hear Elijah’s response to this.

And speaking of the mystery coffin, work on opening it has now been moved down to the tomb. Oh hi, tomb! We missed you. Stefan leads Bonnie and Abby down there, explaining that Damon compelled a couple of the Lockwood gardeners to carry it in. Reminder: vamps can’t enter the tomb, unless they want to get trapped. The sealing spell is still in action. Oh, and Stefan has the nerve to be annoyed, bitchy, and bossy towards the witches who have agreed to HELP HIM. It’s a miracle that Abby and Bonnie don’t just storm out of there. Have some self-respect, witches. You deserve better. (And shut up, Stefan.)

Stefan runs into Elena on the way out. She asks if he killed the medical examiner. Stefan has the nerve to be offended: “Why would you think I did that?” Oh, I don’t know, Stefan. Maybe it was all the bodies you left decapitated up and down the eastern seaboard. Or the way you’ve been acting all season? I don’t know. Shocking accusation. Shocking, I tell you. I mean, you viciously kill a few hundred people over the centuries, and now everyone wants to accuse you of murder. As if! Stefan also makes things petty by adding, “Did you ask Damon if he killed anybody lately?” Sigh. Wake me when the love triangle is over.

Meanwhile, at the hospital, Caroline consults with Dr. Fell about her father. Meredith rants that Bill “spent half the night trying to get my medical license revoked for saving his life.” Apparently, he’s not happy that vamp blood healed him. Meredith also says that she discharged him last night, which surprised Caroline. She hasn’t heard from him. Hmmm. Meredith: “That’s gotta be hard—when your dad hates the one thing you can’t change about yourself. [Lowers her voice.] I make it my business to know who the vampires are in this town. Medical curiosity. I don’t blab.” Caroline: “Yeah, we’ve had our ups and downs.” Understatement.

After leaving Meredith, Caroline joins Elena in the hallway. She gives her the report on Meredith, saying that she seems perfectly nice. Caroline adds, “I think it’s sweet you want to make sure Alaric’s not dating a total psycho.” Ha! Elena: “He’s my family. I have to look out for him.” Awwww. Caroline then calls her dad, and her vamp-hearing picks up on the sound of his ringing phone. She and Elena follow the sound to a supply room, where they find Bill brutally stabbed! Poor Caroline. She just repeats over and over: “Don’t be dead don’t be dead don’t be dead!” She pulls the knife (not a stake this time) out of her dad, and Elena reminds her that he has vamp blood in his system. Dun dun dun. Vamp Bill awakes. Dun dun dun. He just became the thing he most hates in the world! If you didn’t see this coming from the day his character was introduced, than you don’t know TV. Ah, the delicious tragedy.

Down in the tomb, Bonnie and Abby try to open the mysterious coffin. But don’t worry, they are aided by the light of ALL THE CANDLES. Bonnie doesn’t think anything in Abby’s grimoire will help, but then she notices a missing page. Apparently, that was the spell she used to bind Mikael in the tomb. The next page is a sealing spell, which Abby points out. On the margin of the page is a drawing of a “blood knot.” According to Abby, “It means that to bind it you need two generations, a bloodline. Like two keys to a safety deposit box.” Bonnie: “So, unbinding it would reverse the spell, unseal it, if we did it together?” Significant glances. Well, that was fast. Also, yawn.

Meanwhile, Damon pops into Stefan’s room to help him picks his outfit. Oh, Salvatores. He tells his brother, “Elijah and I have scheduled a very old fashioned sit-down with Klaus.” Stefan: “Klaus won’t make a deal, Damon.” Damon knows that, but he says that they’re just buying some time for the witches to open the coffin. Back and forth blame. Blah blah blah. “Undaggering Elijah was smart, Stefan.” “There’s nothing smart about trusting Elijah, Damon.” Blah blah blah. Damon: “Yeah and the way you’ve been acting, I trust him about as much as I trust you.” Stefan: “Well, guess that goes both ways, doesn’t it?” Damon: “Ooooh, yes. This is about me kissing Elena. Just remember, if it wasn’t for Klaus, you wouldn’t have become such a dick and that kiss would have never happened. So get ready and get happy. Were going to negotiate a fake truce and I don’t want your attitude screwing it up.” Boys.

Back at the hospital, Bill’s wound is completely healed and he’s hungry. Unfortunately, he didn’t see his attacker. He also refuses to transition, stating that he won’t feed. Caroline’s face. Awww.

At the Gilbert house, Alaric takes inventory of his weapons. You guys this is a scene featuring ALARIC AND WEAPONS. ALL THE WEAPONS. Excuse me, I need a moment. Did I mention that Alaric is taking inventory of his weapons? Okay. Elena enters and Alaric asks if she brought “it.” Elena: “You mean, did I steal evidence from a crime scene? Yes.” Ha! The family that steals evidence from a crime scene together, stays together. Elena hands over knife used to kill Bill, and Alaric recognizes it as the one from the crawl space in the foyer. Ha! Apparently, Meredith knew where it was. When were they investigating crawl spaces together? Too much happened off screen for my liking. I want the crawl space scene! So, anyway, Alaric is now growing more suspicious of Meredith. Elena points out the obvious: “She was trying to save Bill Forbes. Why would she turn around and try to kill him?” Good point. Plus, she would have known that he had vamp blood in his system. So, if she was involved, she was trying to turn him into a vampire, not kill him. Alaric: “I don’t know what to think either, but we’d be idiots to ignore all these facts.” So far I see very few facts here other than, “someone has been stealing their weapons and stabbing people.” Elena asks what they should we do. Alaric: “Get these to the police. You should probably be with Caroline.” Two things. 1) How cute is it that Alaric wants to cooperate with the cops? 2) How cute is it that he’s thinking of Caroline’s well-being?

Later that night, Elijah opens the door to greet Stefan and Damon. Let the hot brother dinner party commence! Klaus: “Let’s discuss the terms of our agreement like civilized men, shall we?” Elijah: “It’s better to indulge him.” Ha! Stefan is all, “I don’t want to be here, grrrrr.” But I think he dost protest too much. Klaus deals with the situation with his usual aplomb: “Well, we can sit and eat, or I can reach down your throats and pull out your insides. The choice is yours.”

Cut to dinner being served. When the woman serving them gives him his food, Damon is all, “Thank you, love.” Ha! You guys, he has that accent syndrome, wherein he starts talking like the person he’s with. Aw, does Damon want to be like Klaus? Hee. Stefan meanwhile … less gracious. Damon: “I thought we agreed that we would leave the grumpy Stefan at home?” Klaus: “Isn’t this nice?” Hee. Damon winks at Elijah. You guys, this is all too much. Stefan decides to ratchet up the awkward by bringing up Rebekah: “Last I checked, she was still daggered because you were afraid to face her.” Klaus: “If you’re referring to the fact that Rebekah knows I killed our mother, I’ve already come clean to Elijah.” Oooh, good move, Klaus. Damon: “Hey, Stef, remember when you killed dad? Might wanna dial down on the judgment ‘til dessert.” And there’s my favorite line of the night. Classic. This really got me thinking about all that these two pairs of brothers have in common. (And the similarities keep coming. Just wait.) Stefan: “We’re here to make a deal, Damon. Doesn’t mean we have to kill his ass for seven courses.” Ha! Damon: “I’m just saying, we have a long evening ahead of us. Pace yourself.” Klaus’s face during this scene is HILARIOUS.

Meanwhile, Caroline and Elena have some bonding time. Caroline has not heard back from Tyler. Do you think that’s significant? Or just due to behind the scenes production reasons? Caroline does wonder if Tyler could have been the who stabbed her dad, but Elena shoots her down. Just because. Caroline takes her word as truth. Just because. Caroline: “My mom’s in there sitting with my dad. I don’t think they’ve been in a room this long since I was ten years old.” Awwww. Caroline then says she’s gonna force her dad to feed. Elena hasn’t been hypocritical lately, so she jumps on this as her chance: “He doesn’t want to, Caroline. The only thing your dad has is his choice.” (Ugh. Sorry! I’m just still soooo mad about Jeremy. I wish the writers had remembered the lesson she already learned in season one. Ugh. I think it hurts Elena’s character, and she deserves better.) Caroline seems to accept this. Just because. Well, as any good parent would tell their kids, “Do as I say, not as I do.” You’re always smarter when you’re making decisions for other people. Fact.

Caroline asks Elena what the hardest part was for her, when she lost her dad. Elena: “Realizing all the things he wouldn’t be there for. The things that you just need your dad for, you know?” Awww. Caroline knows. Both girls get a little weepy, and Elena comforts her friend. Awww. Then Matt shows up. While this scene did nothing for me on first viewing, upon rewatch, I started crying at this point. As Caroline cried on Matt’s shoulder, I cried too. (Sadly, not on Matt’s shoulder. Darn.)

Back at hot brother dinner party, Elijah makes things even more awkward: “Stefan, where is the lovely Elena tonight?” Stefan: “I don’t know, ask Damon.” At this, Klaus starts laughing, and his face is PRICELESS. Priceless, I tell you. He tells his brother: “I’m sorry, you missed so much. Ah, trouble in paradise.” Elijah just lifts his hands helplessly. Hee. Stefan: “One more word about Elena, and uh … this dinner is over.” Klaus’s face. Again! It’s just all too much. Damon: “You know what, probably best just to keep Elena in the do-not-discuss-pile.” Klaus: “You’re probably right. It’s just the allure of the Petrova doppelgänger, still so strong. What do you say, brother? Should we tell them about Tatia?” Tatia?!?!?! Oooooh. Elijah: “Now why should we discuss matters long since resolved?” Klaus: “Given their shared affection for both Elena and Katerina, I think our guests might be curious to learn about the originator of the Petrova line.” Yes, please. You guys, I may have reached Kristen Bell levels of excitement at this point. I’ve been jonesing for an Original Petrova reveal since Katherine was first revealed to be a doppelgänger. I could NOT believe that this was happening! Are we the luckiest, or what? On to the exposition …

Damon: “We’re not going anywhere, Elijah. Please do tell.” Yes, please do. Elijah: “When our family first settled here, there was a girl named Tatia. She was an exquisite beauty. Every boy of age desired to be her suitor, even though she’d had a child by another man. And none loved her more than Niklaus.” Klaus: “No, I’d say that there was one who loved her at least as much.” Stefan: “Wait a minute, so you both loved the same girl?” You guys, Stefan was soooooo amused by this. Really, Stefan? Well, I guess he was just happy to know that this is not only a Salvatore problem. Elijah continues: “Our mother was a very powerful witch. She sought to end our feud over Tatia and so she took her. Klaus and I would later learn that it was Tatia’s blood that we consumed in the wine on the night where our mother performed a spell, which turned us into vampires. Tatia wouldn’t make a decision between the two of us, so for a time, Niklaus and I grew estranged. Harsh words were traded. We even came to blows, didn’t we, brother?” Klaus: “But in the end we recognized the sacred bond of family.” Elijah: “Family above all.” Klaus: “Family above all.” The two brothers toast.

Okay, let’s discuss. What have we really learned here? 1) The original Petrova was named Tatia. 2) She already had a child before meeting any of the Originals. 3) Thus, in discussing doppelgänger-Original lovin’, we don’t have to worry about incest. Phew. 4) Both Klaus and Elijah loved Tatia. 5) Mama Original did not like this, so she “took” Tatia and used her blood to turn her children into vampires. 6) Klaus and Elijah fought over Tatia, who refused to choose between them. 7) I would have chosen Elijah. 8 ) In the end, Elijah and Klaus came to terms. Now, what did we know already? 1) Centuries later, Klaus and Elijah’s relationship was torn apart again. This time by Katerina, the first doppelgänger. 2) Since doppelgänger blood was the key to breaking Klaus’s curse, we had assumed that the Original witch sacrificed the original Petrova to put the curse on Klaus. So what can we now deduce? At some point before her death, Esther sacrificed Tatia in order to keep Klaus’s werewolf side at bay. It now makes sense why she would have to use Tatia, since her blood was used to turn the first vampire. What we don’t know? The timeline is a bit fuzzy. It seems that Klaus and Elijah fought over Tatia after they were turned, which means that they fought over her after they drank her blood. How long did this go on? Did Mama Original just take a safe dose of Tatia’s blood for turning purposes, and then let Tatia on her merry way? Was Tatia ever turned into a vampire? If so, when and by whom? She would have had to stay human for the original sacrifice, right? Was that what killed her? Are you guys still with me? The more we learn, the more questions I have. So much craziness ahead of us.

Meanwhile, the Bennett witches hang out in the tomb reciting Witch Latin. It’s not working. Bonnie accuses her mom of not trying. Abby: “The spirits are angry with me for leaving you. Maybe they don’t want me to have my powers again.” Bonnie: “I had all those dreams for a reason. The spirits wanted me to find you because you’re my mom. It’s not them. It’s you. You won’t open yourself up to it. Do you know dad never talked about you? Neither did Grams. I had no memories of you. You know what I used to pretend? That you were dead. It was easier to do that than to wonder why you never came back for me.” Abby: “There’s no way I can tell you how sorry I am for what I did.” Bonnie: “Yes there is. You can help me.”  I wish that I cared more about this subplot. Sigh. Anyway, Abby does help her. Mother and daughter hold hands and recite more Witch Latin. Bonnie claims that “it almost worked!” Is this a technical witch term? Oh, Bonnie. Then, instead of trying again, Bonnie leaves the room to call Damon and tell him that they’re getting closer. I mean, I appreciate the fact that Bonnie respects the importance of the phone tree, but REALLY?! Oh, witches, be better. Left alone, Abby hears a noise coming from the coffin. The flame of the candles jumps up. The coffin bursts open! Abby scream-gasps.

Cut to deal-making between vampire brothers. Damon: “… in exchange, he and the Original extended family leave Mystic Falls forever. Me, Stefan, and Elena live happily ever after, no grudges.” Elijah: “The deal sounds fair, brother.” Klaus: “I don’t think you understand. Elena’s doppelgänger blood ensures that I will always have more hybrids to fight those who oppose me. I will never leave her behind. But say I do leave her here, under your protection. What then? How long before one of you turns her into a vampire? Or worse, how long before she dies caught between your feuding? You see, each one of you truly believes that you’re the one who can truly protect her, and that is simply a delusion. Gentlemen, the worst thing for Elena Gilbert is the two of you.” Oh, Stefan and Damon’s faces at this. Damon excuses himself to get some air. Elijah exits to give Klaus room to deal with Stefan. Klaus: “All this talk has made me thirsty. What do you say, Stefan? Can I interest you in a little after dinner drink?” With that, he bites the blonde who has been serving their dinner. Gross.

Meanwhile, Matt walks Elena home. Awww. But shouldn’t he be staying with Caroline right now? Matt: “You doin’ okay? This has to bring up a lot for you?” Elena: “We’ve all lost a lot.” Matt: “It’s this town. It’s messed up. None of us should have to live this way.” The two enter the house, but the light doesn’t work. Uh oh. This does not bode well. Then they see a trail of bloody hand and footprints. Uh oh. At the top of the stairs, they find a crumpled and stabbed body. Who is that??? It’s Alaaaaaaaric. Noooooooooo! No one suffers like Alaric fans suffer. Isn’t five death pushing it? I mean, this is the third time this season.

When we come back from commercial, we learn that Alaric is still alive … barely. He tells Elena that she has to kill him. Apparently he didn’t see his attacker, so his ring mght or might not work. Matt is totally freaked out, but Elena explains, “I’m the doppelgänger. That makes me supernatural.” Crossing my fingers. Matt: “Elena, no! This is messed up.” Well said. Elena is determined though, so she stabs Alaric. ZOMFG. One teensy little question though: What about the fact that THE RING HASN’T BEEN WORKING CORRECTLY? SO. STRESSFUL. (I’m sure you can all imagine how hard it was for me to get through the rest of the episode. TV is hard work.)

Back at Klaus’s place, Stefan accuses his former bestie of trying to put a wedge between him and Damon. Klaus points out that Stefan’s doing that well enough all on his own. Point to Klaus. Then Damon and Elijah return. Damon: “We’ve made our offer. Now you counter.” Klaus: “Okay. I offer Elena’s future happiness. You see, what she needs right now is to be rid of you lot, and to fall in love with a human. Maybe that nice football player. You know, the blonde one.” Damon: “Matt Donovan, really?” Klaus: “Yeah, why not? They’ll marry, live a long and fruitful life, and pop out a perfect family.” You guys, I cannot believe that Klaus is a Matt-Elena shipper. This episode is too much. Stefan points out that this is beneficial to Klaus: “And continue the Petrova bloodline. Every few hundred years you’ll have a new doppelgänger to drain and never run out of hybrids, right Klaus?” Klaus: “Consider it a small return on my investment in her well being. You see, after you hand me back the coffin, I’ll ensure her safety for the rest of her natural life. You know it’s what’s best for her. So, what do you say, Stefan? Do we have a deal?” Stefan steps forward. Damon looks confused and upset for a second. Stefan reaches out his hand, but … “Nice try, Klaus, but no deal.” So, Klaus sticks Stefan’s hand in the fire. Well, it’s better than the threat about pulling out his insides, so there’s that. Elijah stops Damon from interceding, so the hand-burning goes on for awhile. Klaus directs his attention to Damon: “Now bring me my coffin before I burn him alive.” Well, that’s one alternative to Damon’s deal. Smooth move, Klaus. Damon pouts: “I’ll get it.” Klaus, to Elijah: “Go with him, brother. You keep him honest. And when you return, I will make good on my promise to you, and I will hand over our family.” Oooh. Did Elijah double-cross Damon? We will have to wait and see.

Meanwhile, Caroline is watching her dad die. You know, just in case this wasn’t already the worst year ever. There is a little moment of levity before all the pain, as Bill admires his daughter’s cheer trophy. It seems like the relic of a different life … I guess it is. But then he’s not feeling so hot. She asks if he wants her to call Steven (Bill’s boyfriend, remember). But Bill says that they haven’t spoken in awhile. He asks her to let Steven know once the dust has settled. Caroline tells him that he can change his mind: “You are strong enough to handle being a vampire. I mean, you are the strongest person I know.” Bill: “No, Caroline. My strength is all in my beliefs. Becoming a vampire is wrong. People aren’t supposed to cheat death. That’s just what I believe. Please respect that.” Caroline: “How can you hate who I am so much?!?” Bill: “No, sweetheart, I don’t hate who you are. You’re strong, you’re beautiful, you’re good. And even after everything that has happened to you, you are exactly who your mother and I hoped you’d grow up to be.” Weirdly, this scene didn’t do much for me when I was watching it, but for some reason, now that I’m writing about, I’m fighting back tears. Oh …. I lost the fight. Sniffle. Caroline cries: “Please don’t leave me, daddy. Please don’t leave me. Daddy, just don’t leave me.” She sobs. Bill: “Parents aren’t supposed to outlive their children, Caroline. It’s okay.” We then get a quick shot of Liz in the doorway, distraught. Awww. Bill holds his daughter, and tells her, “It’s okay. This is life. This is what it means to be human.”

Meanwhile, Klaus and Stefan are still going at it. Stefan tells him to go ahead and kill him. Klaus is disappointed that Stefan’s giving up so easily, and asks where his fight is. Then Elijah comes in. Pause to appreciate a man who knows how to make an entrance. Klaus asks why he hasn’t left yet. Uh oh. Elijah unveils a tray of daggers, with a flourish. So smooth. Klaus: “What have you done?” Elijah: “What have you done? You see, I’ve learned not to trust your vulgar promises, Klaus. We’re doing this on my terms now.” (Don’t you love how Elijah says “vulgar”?) Original brother Kol makes appearance. Kol stab! Then Finn enters (the one with the long hair who looks like a pirate). Klaus: “Finn, don’t!” Finn stab! Oh hi, Rebekah! Beks: “This is for our mother.” Rebekah stab! This is amaaaaaaazing. Klaus is losing it. Now this is entertainment. Elijah turns to the Salvatores: “You’re free to go. This is family business.” And ZOMG, Daniel Gillies’s expression when he says this … wow. Gillies for all the awards! You guys, we thought this season was insane already, but I think we’re about to visit a whole new level of crazy town that we never knew existed.

Cut to Caroline weeping. Poor Caroline! Cut to Elena, distraught over the dead body of the stand-in guardian whom she stabbed, as Matt tries to comfort her. Poor Elena! Poor Alaric! Poor Matt! This town. Elena tells Matt that Caroline called. Her dad died. Elena: “Will you stay with me, until he wakes up?” Um, no offense to Elena’s pain, and you know I love Alaric, but … shouldn’t Matt go be with Caroline who just lost a FATHER?! But Matt agrees to stay with Elena. Elena: “I can’t lose anymore family.” Well, she doesn’t really have any more to lose right now … so.

Cut to Damon and Stefan in the woods. I guess they’re taking a short-cut back home? Too full to vamp speed? Just wanted some night air? Stefan admits that Damon was right about Elijah: “Undaggering him was a smart move.” Damon can’t believe he’s admitting that, and neither can I. Stefan: “You could have left me there. Klaus would have killed me and you would have had Elena all to yourself.” At that moment, Damon gets a call from Elena, and he says, “I didn’t do that on your account.” Pshaw. Boys, boys, you know you love each other. Shhhh. Stefan: “I love her, Damon.” Damon: “So do I.” So … we’re back where we started.

Back at Casa Gilbert, Elena gets a call from Sheriff Forbes. (Shouldn’t she be busy mourning right now?! I guess she wants to stay busy. Everyone copes in her own way.) She says that Meredith has an airtight alibi for Alaric’s death. She also points out that the attack on Alaric makes this the third member of the Founder’s Council. Dun dun dun. Soooo … who would want to kill Founders? (Besides everyone who had ever met them?) Also, will Meredith be a target soon? Oh Meredith, we hardly knew ya! But back to the action. Alaric wakes up!!!!!! And I was finally able to exhale, and start paying attention to my all my pent-up Original excitement. Phew.

Cut to Damon and Stefan arriving at the tomb. Oh! That’s what they were doing in the woods. The boys find Bonnie and Abby unconscious—still alive though. They also find the mystery coffin open and empty. Dun dun dun. Now, I have to say, some of the fun here was spoiled for me, as I knew who was in the coffin. Unfortunately, a promo for 2×14 was released early, and in the Twitter tumult, people neglected to censor themselves about the huge spoiler that it revealed. So, since I couldn’t unsee the reveals, I went ahead and watched the promo. Sigh. Oh well. (Next week’s episode looks amaaaaaazing by the way!) But maybe that’s why the Bonnie and Abby stuff was so blah for me—because there was no suspense. I knew they’d open it and who was inside. Sorry Bonnie and Abby. It’s not your fault.

Now, let us return to the Original family business. Rebekah: “I like what you’ve done with the new place, Nik.” With that, she throws a vase across the room, knocking a painting off the wall. Ha! Klaus: “I wanted it to be for all of us. A place we could all call home. A place we could all be a family. None of us would ever have to be alone again.” Elijah: “Well, you’re right. None of us will be.” Finn: “You’re staying behind.” Rebekah: “We’re leaving you, Nik. Right after I kill that doppelgänger wench. Then you will be alone. Always and forever.” Klaus: “If you run, I will hunt all of you forever.” Elijah: “Then you’ll become everything you hate: our father.” Klaus FREAKS OUT. And really, it should be said that Joseph Morgan is INCREDIBLE. I mean, Klaus is certainly not my favorite Original, but gah … Morgan is sooooo good in this episode. So good. Klaus starts screaming: “I’m the hybrid! I can’t be killed! I have nothing to fear from any of you!” Elijah: “You will when we have that coffin.”

But then, all the siblings are completely cowed when their MOM walks into to the room. Oh hi, Esther. I hope you had a nice thousand year nap. Yep, Mama Original was in the mystery coffin. Do you think she’s a vampire? Or has she been kept alive through magic? The kids are just so shocked. I love all of their expressions. Klaus’s petulant look, especially. He knows that he’s been a bad boy. Again, Joseph Morgan is so good in this scene. Esther demands her son’s attention: “Look at me. Do you know why I’m here?” Klaus: “You’re here to kill me.” Esther: “Niklaus, you are my son, and I am here to forgive you.” Then she looks around at all her children, as the music swells. “I want us to be a family again,” she declares. The end.

Do we believe Mama Original? Has she really forgiven her murderous son? What did you think of the new characters, Kol and Finn? Thoughts on Tatia, the original Petrova? How will Elena get back on Rebekah’s good side? What’s Tyler up to? Who is killing Council members? Theories? Reactions? Comment below.