THE VAMPIRE DIARIES: “The End of the Affair”

Read on for my recap & running commentary for The Vampire Diaries 3×03, “The End of the Affair,” aired Thursday, September 29^th, 2011:

After loving “The Hybrid” so much, I would never have tried to tempt fate with high expectations for “The End of the Affair.” I mean, I would never have predicted that episode three would blow my mind. But it did. MIND BLOWN. I mean, holy flashbacks, Batman! Going back in time to see the 1920s was definitely a treat, but the Prohibition era setting was merely the icing on the cake. There were also major reveals, including our first female Original. Hello, Rebekah! I already adore you. Also, so nice to see another former mermaid on The CW. Another plus: Katherine’s ba-a-a-ack! I missed that delightful vixen. And her delightful vixen hair. Spying on Stefan, while sporting an adorable bob? Thank you, Show. When the still featuring Stefan in a tux was circulated a couple weeks ago, I had joked that Katherine was just off-screen, stalking him in a flapper dress. Called it! Hee. Oh, and let’s see, what else happened in this episode? OH, UM … JUST THE REVEAL THAT KLAUS AND STEFAN USED TO BE IN LOVE BESTIES. I always thought Stefan was an Original magnet, but things got even more amazing when it turned out that his ex was actually Rebekah, Klaus’s little sister. He was just compelled to forget it all. As if this show didn’t have enough love triangles! Now the Salvatores aren’t the only siblings fighting over someone with fabulous hair. “How’d you spend your time in the 1920s, Stefan?” “Oh, just hanging out with my Hybrid best friend, and dating his Original sister. NBD.” Poor Damon. He must have felt so left out. A chunk of this episode also involved Caroline being tortured, but that hurt my heart, so let’s save that for later, once I’ve built up my strength. On to the recap …

Damon spent a lot of the episode being tortured too. In fact we open on Katherine calling him from a mysterious phone booth, delighting in pushing all the buttons that she knows so well. We missed you, Katherine! Never leave us again! Perhaps Elena could go on a short vacation, and then you could temporarily take over her life. Hey, it works on The Lying Game and Ringer. But back to the plot, Damon is pouring himself some breakfast, like every other adult in Mystic Falls. Perhaps the powers that be should work on some cereal product placements rather than all-Bing-all-the-time. I mean, shouldn’t someone somewhere in this town have breakfast that is less than 40 proof? Anyway, Katherine is calling him from a phone booth, so she is clearly calling him FROM THE PAST. Who knew that TVD was now a time travel show? She implies that Damon is taking advantage of his brother’s absence to get close to Elena, which is totally unfair. I mean, it’s not like he is sneaking into her bedroom all the time, or sneaking into her bed while she sleeps, or going through her underwear drawer. Oooh … never mind. Carry on, Katherine. Damon soon reads between the lines and surmises that Katherine knows where Stefan is, and is possibly trailing them. Katherine: “A hybrid who wants me dead and his sidekick who’s off the rails? I couldn’t be further away.” Damon: “Which means you know exactly where they are.” Ooh, smart girl. Know your enemy, and so on. Katherine: “All I know is that Klaus pitched a fit once his hybrids didn’t work. Now he’s looking for answers.” Best summary of the Klaus plot-line this season ever. Why did I even bother writing a recap last week? Damon wonders whether Katherine is looking out for Stefan. Katherine: “Maybe. Maybe not. I’m conflicted.” Love love love. 

Meanwhile, Klaus welcomes Stefan back to Chicago. He adds, “I know how much you loved it here. Bringing back memories of the good old ripper days.” Stefan doesn’t remember much though. Klaus takes this opportunity to offer us some story time. He’s such a thoughtful villain. He really takes the time to give the audience what we want.  “Word was, the Ripper of Monterey got lonely, so he escaped to the city for comfort. It was Prohibition. Everything was off limits then, which is what made everything so much fun.”

Flashback to 1920s Chicago! We see Stefan in a car with a woman, draining her. He leaves her dead, wipes the blood of his mouth, and takes a flower from her hair to put it in his tux. Smoooooth. Oh yeah, he’s wearing a TUX! At least he’s a well-dressed ripper. Title card. Stefan goes into a speakeasy where a woman named Gloria is singing. A beautiful blonde grabs a glass of champagne from a tray, just as Stefan is reaching for it. This mystery woman is played by Claire Holt, recently seen as Samara on Pretty Little Liars, and formerly a teenage mermaid on H2O: Just Add Water. A lovely actress. Stefan snarks, “Please, help yourself.” Mysterious blonde rasps, “Oh, I always do. Careful, Mr. Salvatore. You’re still wearing your date. She’s lovely.” Hmmm … I think she may be the kind of girl who enjoys the Strictly Blood Diet. He’s intrigued and asks who she is. She just shushes him.

Back in the present, Klaus says that “Chicago was magical.” Ahem. I bet it was. Stefan doesn’t remember much though. Klaus says that they’re going to see his favorite witch, because if anyone can help them with the hybrid problem, it’s her. Listen, I wish that I could feign excitement about meeting another gorgeous African-American witch who owns a bar, but … fooled me once, Vampire Diaries.

Cut to Elena waking up in her bed at 6am to find Damon lying next to her. Seriously, Damon? Seriously? And just when I was saying nice things about you last week. Sigh. He starts talking about dreams in which he was naked then looks through her underwear drawer. Ugh. He does actually have a purpose though, and invites Elena to join him in searching for Stefan in Chicago. Oh, that’s sure to go well.

Meanwhile, poor Caroline is still chained to a chair in a dungeon. OBJECTION! I OBJECT TO THIS STORY-LINE! She calls for her father, and after a bit he finally enters. He says that he’s sorry that this happened to her and wants to know how she can walk in the sunlight. She indicates her ring. He then takes it off and tosses it aside. Uh oh. The he gets scary: “Your ancestors built this place. People figured it was for unruly prisoners in the jail cells, but they had something else in mind. Vervain in the ventilation system to keep their subject weak, reinforced steel containment chair, and that.” He indicates a window up top. Uh oh. He waves some blood in her face and when her eyes get veiny, he says: “Blood controls you, sweetheart. This is how I’m gonna fix you.” With that, he pulls a chain to open the window and Caroline burns. And screams! And I flinch and close my eyes and curse at HRG and his dastardly ways. OMG, Mystic Falls already had the worst parents ever, but this guy just beat them all for top prize in awfulness. In less than five minutes of screen time.

Cut to Damon and Elena on their latest road trip, in service of their latest “plan.” Sigh. Elena fingers her necklace very noticeably. Hmm … I wonder if just possibly her necklace will be important in this episode. Damon: “Let’s hope we find him, because it would suck if the last memento of Stefan was that crappy old necklace.” Elena: “It’s an antique, Damon, like you.” Geez, guys, do you think maybe we should pay attention to the necklace? I don’t know. Damon then hands over Stefan’s Vampire Diary! The name of this show still has meaning, people! Elena doesn’t want to invade Stefan’s private thoughts though. I mean, she is fine with expressly going against Stefan’s wishes to drag him back home, but heaven forbid she read his diary and actually get some answers about why Klaus wants Stefan so bad. She adds that she has seen Stefan at his darkest periods, so she is prepared. Riiiight. Damon starts reading from the journal. I guess the car radio is broken or something, and he’s bored. “I’ve blacked out days. I wake up in strangers’ blood. In places I don’t recognize. With women I don’t remember.” Damon feigns outrage: “I’m shocked! Stefan’s not a virgin.” Aaaaand I still can’t stop laughing. Elena grabs the journal from Damon, and we get a quick look of what’s on the page after what Damon read: “I feel alive again. There are no rules here. Nothing matters anymore. Chicago is a place teeming with life and pulsing with people. I have only imagined meeting, drinking with as well as enjoying. There is a woman who is so intriguing. She has lovely […] hair and is such a […] dancer. AND […]” You guys, what did he say after “AND”?!?!? I need to know. Please cut away from Elena and Damon already!

Phew, the show heard me. We cut to Gloria singing, as the mysterious blonde Rebekah (I’m just going to go ahead and call her by her name, because I am impatient) dances with some random dude. She is annoyed at the noise Stefan and his buddies are making, so she goes over there and scolds them. But in a sexy/ bad-ass way. Stefan is an obnoxious brat: “I am so sorry, sweetheart. Are we offending you.” The other guys laugh. Rebekah: “It would take a lot more than a baby face like this to offend me.” Stefan: “Hey, you ever going to tell me your name?” Rebekah: “Sure, when you’ve earned it. Now do Gloria a favor and stick a sock in it.” I will excuse this scene which reads like the meet cute on a romantic comedy, since earlier she licked blood off his face. Oh, did I forget to include that in the recap? Yeah, she totally licked blood off Stefan’s face when she first met him. Hard core.

Cut to modern day Gloria’s, as Klaus and Stefan arrive. Klaus jokes, “So, a hybrid walks into a bar, says …” Gloria (the singer from the 1920s is still alive, and only slightly older!): “Stop. You may be invincible but that doesn’t make you funny. I remember you.” Ha! She’s sassy and fun. I’m pretty sure TVD rules dictate that I now fear for her life. Drat. Stefan is all tact: “Shouldn’t you be …?” Gloria: “Old and dead? I can slow the aging down some—herbs and spells. But don’t worry, it will catch up to me one day.” Let us all hope that you have a chance to die of old age, Gloria. Klaus asks Stefan to fix them a drink so he can talk to Gloria alone. I guess someone forgot about vampire super-hearing. Klaus: “You look ravishing by the way.” Gloria: “Don’t. I know why you’re here. A hybrid out to make more hybrids? That kind of news travels.” Klaus: “So what am I doing wrong? I broke the curse.” Gloria: “Obviously you did something wrong. Look, every spell has a loophole, but a curse that old … we’d have to contact the witch who created it.” Klaus: “Well that would be the original witch. She’s very dead.” Okay, now when I first watched the episode, I thought that “original witch” just meant the original witch who did the spell, but pay attention to when it’s referenced later, because now I’m thinking that Klaus means THE Original witch. As in, THE FIRST WITCH EVER. Yes, please. I mean, that would make witches rather young … except for the whole “we don’t age like regular people” thing, and maaaaaybe the Original witch was especially old and especially powerful. (Or maybe I’m a crackpot.) Gloria continues: “Yes, and for me to contact her, I’ll need help. Bring me Rebekah.” Now, at this point, we weren’t supposed to know that the well dressed blonde with a penchant for licking faces is Rebekah. Klaus claims that “Rebekah is a bit preoccupied,” but Gloria insists that he bring her to her, as she has what Gloria needs. Then Stefan interrupts, holding up a photo. He asks what it is. Klaus: “Well, I told you, Stefan. Chicago’s a magical place.” As we get a closer look at the two subjects in the picture, Stefan confirms, “This is me. With you.” Dun dun dun.

Back in Mystic Falls, Liz attempts to call Caroline. She has had some all-nighters at the station, so I guess that explains why she didn’t happen to notice that her daughter was kidnapped two nights ago. Nice. She is interrupted in conversing with Care’s voicemail when Tyler knocks on the door. THANK GOD. FINALLY. OMG, WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG? SAVE CAROLINE ALREADY, PLEASE. THANK YOU.

We then return to poor Caroline getting tortured. By her father. It is all too much for me. I just want to cover my eyes and wait for this scene to be over, but I’m watching it again for you guys. I hope you appreciate it. Caroline cries for him to stop burning her flesh: “I don’t hurt anyone, I swear! Dad, I swear! I can handle the urges.” I mean, let’s look at the facts. Other than the newbie slip-up at the carnival (she was a baby vampire!), Caroline hasn’t killed anyone due to blood lust. Girl has amazing powers of self-control. I mean, okay, there were those two deputies in “Kill or Be Killed,” but who in Mystic Falls hasn’t killed a deputy? And she did it to save Damon and Stefan, and to help Elena (who, true to form was attempting a daring solo rescue without a plan), so it was sort of heroic. This vampire deserves major props for refusing to spill innocent blood to sate her cravings. Plus, with the Salvatores and Katherine as her main vampire role models, this is especially impressive. Also, she is Caroline and she is perfect. The end. But Bill is not hearing it. He waves the blood in her face again, making her eyes go veiny, and argues, “If you could handle it, this wouldn’t happen.” Dear, Mr. Forbes, do you notice how she’s not biting you to death right now? I’m pretty sure that you were close enough to bite just now. She clearly has the restraint of a saint. The entire human audience is imagining ways to kill you right now, but your vampire daughter is just crying. Pay attention. Ugh. Anyway, Caroline cries that she’s sorry, and Bill explains that this is some kind of elaborate form of brainwashing: “I’m conditioning you to associate vampirism with pain. In time, the thought of human blood will make you repress your vampire instincts completely.” She says that’s impossible: “Dad, you can’t change who I am.” Yes, yes, we all get the layers of meaning here. I don’t really know what’s accomplished by having the first-and-only openly gay character on the show refuse to accept his child the way that she is, but it’s still an emotional metaphor. More importantly, however, that torture scene is finally over and now we can move on. Hopefully to Rebekah …

Oh, drat! We cut to Damon and Elena, as they arrive at Stefan’s old apartment building in Chicago. Elena wonders why Stefan would choose this rundown place. Damon has a good explanation: “There used to be an all-girls high school around the corner but it shut down due to attendance issues.” The two enter the apartment and while it is very dusty, it is also miraculously untouched and preserved. We will ignore how that is even possible. Maybe a spell kept out intruders? But conveniently allows Damon and Elena to enter? Like I said, let’s ignore that. So, Damon tries to impress upon Elena the darkness of Stefan’s past. In service to this, he opens  up a secret closet. Elena is in super defensive mode and snarks: “Stefan hid his alcohol. What a monster.” Damon: “Look harder.” Elena sees that it’s a list of names and wonders if they are all his victims. Not that this would disqualify him as boyfriend material, of course, but I guess she’s curious. Damon: “Still handling it?” Elena is still super defensive: “What were you doing in the 1920s? Paving the way for women’s liberation?” Ha! Damon: “I was around. Chicago is a big city. Stefan was a cocky ripper douche, but I could avoid him and still indulge in a few Daisy Buchanans of my own.” Charming men whom you choose to spend time with, Elena. Simply charming. Then Damon remembers that he hasn’t left Elena in peril recently enough, so he heads to the door, saying he’s going to check out Stefan’s old stomping ground. Elena wants to come, but Damon denies her: “No, you stay here and whip up an actual plan. I’ll come back when I find him.” Perhaps, Damon … now, I may be unreasonable here, but perhaps … you just might want to come up with the actual plan before heading out to find Stefan and his new buddy Klaus. Remember Klaus? You know, the guy who recently killed Elena and Jenna and is oh … what do you call it again? A HYBRID!!! Just a thought.

Speaking of Klaus and his wingman, we return to Gloria’s, where Stefan wonders why he doesn’t remember knowing Klaus. Klaus is being coy and mysterious, reminding Stefan that he has holes in his memory from that time. Stefan wonders why Klaus never said anything about them knowing each other, but Klaus snaps that they don’t have time for memory lane. Which is a total lie, because then he totally strolls down memory lane. “Let’s just say that we didn’t get off to a brilliant start. To be honest, I hated you.” In the words of Katherine, “That sounds like the beginning of a love story.”

Flashback! 1920s Stefan and mysterious Rebekah have grown closer. They feed on a woman together and then start making out. What can I say? Vampires are weird. Stefan notices Rebekah’s NECKLACE and admires it. Look familiar? Hmmm? Ooooh, can you imagine what will happen when Elena finds out? That awkward moment when you realize the necklace that the love of your life gave you actually belonged to his gorgeous blonde ex-girlfriend. Ouch. But back to the here and then. Rebekah explains: “A witch gave it to me. Supposedly it’s magical.” Aha! So this is what Gloria wants, clearly. Sorry, moonstone, you’ve been replaced as the magical objet du jour. Stefan asks, “And is it?” She jokes, “It brought me love didn’t it?” Aw, these blood-sucking fiends seem like a perfect match. Unfortunately, their “sweet” moment is interrupted when Klaus enters and tries to drag Rebekah away. Stefan protests but she warns him not to: “He’ll kill you. Nick’s a lot stronger than he looks.” Nick! Hee. Remember, Klaus’s full name is Niklaus, so Nick is his other nickname apparently. Klaus: “So this is the famous Stefan Salvatore I’ve been hearing so much about. You’re right, he does have funny hair. And I’m bored. I wanna go.” Ha! Rebekah: “Then go without me. I’m not your girlfriend.” Klaus: “No, you’re my sister, which means you have to do as I say.” Dun dun dun. Rebekah is Klaus’s sister, making her an Original! Amazing. I never would have thought of Claire Holt to play an Original, but now that I see her in action, I offer my stamp of approval. (But I still really really really want Enver Gjokaj to be cast. Just saying. Now please excuse me while I get lost in a Dollhouse fanvid black hole.)

Present day. Stefan is shocked: “Your sister? So I knew another Original vampire?” Then Klaus opens one of his many coffins and reveals the (temporarily) dead Rebekah. Stefan doesn’t recognize her. Klaus: “Don’t tell her that. Rebekah’s temper’s worse than mine.” Ha! Klaus continues: “Any day now, Rebekah. She’s being dramatic.” The line delivery there was perfection and possibly my favorite part of the entire episode. They are totally brother and sister. Stefan asks what’s going on, but Klaus is still playing coy: “Well, you have many useful talents. In fact, I learned one of my favorite tricks from you.”

Flashback! At Gloria’s, Klaus asks Stefan what makes him worthy of his sister: “She’s pure vampire and you’re nothing more than a diluted bloodline.” Rebekah: “Stefan, don’t listen to him. Nick’s an elitist.” Interesting, given his own heritage. You’d think he’d be more open minded. This discussion is interrupted when a man comes to their table, looking for his wife. I assume the wife is the one from whom Stefan and Rebekah were drinking earlier. The wife walks up and her husband tells her that they’re leaving. Stefan disagrees and compels the woman: “No, you’re sitting.” He pulls out a knife. Rebekah: “Stefan, don’t be mean.” Hmmm. Then Stefan cuts open her wrist and drips blood into a champagne glass. After thanking the woman, he compels her to bandage her arm. But he’s not done yet. He proceeds to compel the poor woman’s husband to drink the glass of her blood. And then he asks for the man’s name. That will make sense later.

Cut to the present. Klaus laughs: “I was your number one fan.” Really, Klaus? Seriously? In your hundreds of years as a vampire, that was novel and impressive? Please explain your hero worship, or we will all just assume it is due to Stefan’s funny hair. And other, um … qualities. Stefan, meanwhile, wonders why he should believe any of this. Klaus compels a guard to give Rebekah a message to meet them at Gloria’s, along with an order to let her feed on him until he dies. Sorry, random guard dude. That business taken care of, Klaus acknowledges Stefan’s questions and says that they’re heading to Stefan’s old apartment to find proof.

Back at Gloria’s, Damon shows up. Gloria clearly knows him: “Well, look what the wind blew in. Last I heard, you hated this place.” Damon: “Gloria! If I knew that you were gonna age like this, I would have stuck around.” Gloria: “I always did like you better. But I see your brother is still running in the wrong crowd.” Aw, you guys, someone finally likes Damon better! It’s a Vampire Diaries miracle. (But Gloria, we should really have a chat about another witch who owned a bar, and the danger of heart snatching. Perhaps you might invest in a vervain vest?) Damon asks if she’s seen Stefan, and she confirms: “With Klaus. Bad combo.” Damon asks if she knows where they went. Gloria: “They’ll be back here later tonight. They’re out running a little errand for me.” Ha! I love how she phrases that. Maybe there’s hope for Gloria yet. She seems pretty on top of things. Damon tries to charm her, wiggling his eyebrows: “Gloria, don’t be a tease. What kind of errand?” Gloria: “Mmmm, I don’t think so. You may be cute, but you’re still a vampire.” Smart lady.

Meanwhile, Elena is still at Stefan’s old place, busy reading his Vampire Diaries. She reads an entry from April, 1922. Lexie found Stefan on the train tracks. Then in June, 1924, Lexie is driving him crazy: “more animal blood, more misery.” In 1935, Stefan wrote, “Cravings are there, but it’s easier.” Lexie is trying to get him to laugh.I’m guessing that the 1922 entry was written soon after Klaus and Rebekah’s exit. So, it took Stefan 13 years to smile again after losing them. Or maybe it was the guilt over all the murdering. You decide. Anyway, things get dangerous for Elena when Klaus and Stefan arrive at the old apartment. Uh oh. When the vampires enter, Elena is nowhere to be seen, but Klaus seems to sense something: “Do you feel that? Is anybody here?” Stefan probably knows Elena is there, because a) he probably did something gross like memorize her scent; b) he knows Elena, so he knows that OF COURSE she would be there. (However, I still think it’s really dumb that TVD vampires can’t use their super hearing to detect heartbeats or breathing. I mean, vampires should know when a third person is there, even if said person is being “sneaky.”) Stefan sees that the dust on his journals has been disturbed, but he quickly covers. “It’s been vacant for decades. People must break in all the time.” Yeah, except for how this place is just how he left it. Inexplicably. Whatever. Klaus then explains what made Stefan so special. Stefan would always ask the name of his victim before killing him or her, and then write the names down so that he could relive the kill over and over again. Klaus is clearly very impressed by this. For some reason. Given this information, I can’t decide whether Klaus or Stefan is weirder. Klaus then opens the cabinet to reveal all the names. This is like Christmas for Klaus or something. Luckily for Elena, Stefan goes into the closet, not Klaus, and so he sees her hiding. After a long tortured pause, Stefan declares, “Look what I found …” Another tortured pause. “1918. Single malt.” Klaus seems none the wiser: “My favorite. Let’s go and find someone to pair it with.” While Klaus continues to enjoy his happiest day since 1922, Elena exhales in relief.

We cut to Elena after some time has passed, as she stands in the apartment, knife at the ready, terrified. Poor girl. Finally, Damon shows up. He throws a bag at her and tells her to get herself presentable. Elena is angry, as she called him an hour ago to tell him that she almost died. Damon is pretending to be calm and cool, which we can tell when his throat does this weird gulp/ quiver thing: “I had an hour to realize what a bad idea it was to leave you here alone, process it, and move on. [Gulp.] Are you okay?” Elena: “Yeah.” Damon gets back to business: “Okay, good. Get dressed. You’re all road-trippy and gross.” Then it seems like somehow these two magically came up with a plan, because Damon warns her, “But you’re going to have about 5 minutes tops before that hybrid freak rips my heart out, so please, tell me you can do this.” Elena assures him that she can do this, but we will just have to wait for the “brilliance” of their “plan” to be revealed. Seriously, though, I am worried about those two. I don’t expect genius, but I’d like them to occasionally face reality. Any plans to kidnap Stefan need to take into consideration the fact that KLAUS EXISTS. You know, Klaus—the subject of about 87% of all conversations in Mystic Falls over the past year. What? They’re going to just bring Stefan home and then hope that Klaus forgot their address? Moving on …

Stefan and Klaus return to Gloria’s. Gloria asks where Rebekah is, and Klaus assures her that Rebekah will be here. He adds, “I can’t just conjure her on demand.” Hmmm. I wonder if this means that Originals can’t compel other Originals. Or did we already know that? Stefan changes the topic of conversation back to himself: “So this is why you asked me to be your wingman? Because you liked the way I tortured innocent people?” Klaus: “Well, that’s certainly half of it.” Stefan: “What’s the other half?” Klaus: “The other half, Stefan, is that you used to want to be my wingman.” Dun dun dun.

Flashback! A tipsy Stefan assures Klaus: “They’re jealous. Your family wants you dead because they can never be what you are.” Someone sipped the Kool-Aid! Klaus is in a funk: “An abomination?” Stefan: “No. A king.” They smile at each other, clearly in love best of friends. Klaus: “Look at us. Two sad orphans.” He glances over at Rebekah and continues: “My sister fancies you, you know. But I should warn you, Rebekah doesn’t do anything half speed, and that includes falling in love. So just be careful. She’s totally mad.” Iiiiiiinteresting. I’m dying to know more about her. The two guys laugh and Stefan says that he appreciates the advice. Klaus: “And when the point comes when she inevitably leaves you—she can’t help it, it’s just who she is—don’t let your heart do anything stupid.” Hmmm. Stefan: “You know what? You’re a good friend, Nick. I’m glad I met you.” Cut to the present, where Klaus toasts to their friendship. Cheers!

But it’s not all tuxes and toasts in this episode. We then return to poor Caroline and her dad. He tells her that when Carol Lockwood called and told him about her, he sat down and cried. I’m sure that really comforts Caroline and her burnt-to-a-crisp back. Again, she says she can’t be fixed: “Dad, I’m okay. I’ve learned to adapt. I don’t need to be fixed. I can’t be fixed.” But he wants her to try her best. There’s some more back and forth. Caroline: “Why are you trying to fix me?” Bill: “So I don’t have to kill you.” Sad sad sad sad sadness. Why is this Caroline’s life? Why she is not seated on moonbeams while the entire town of Mystic Falls worships her, I’ll never know. Caroline then proceeds to break my heart as she cries: “Daddy, I’m sorry.” His only response: “Sun’s going down. We’ll try again tomorrow.” He then leaves the room and we hear a gun click. Liz!!! She has come to rescue her daughter! Liz Forbes for all the awards! Liz for mayor! Bill is less pleased. He says that he knows what he’s doing, but she disagrees: “That’s our daughter in there. She looks up to you. She trusts you.” Sniffle. Bill: “Let me do this, Liz. Not because she’s a monster, but because we love her.” But Liz is not swayed. Instead, she calls for Tyler and he comes down the stairs. Tyler!!! Tyler, who is no longer dead to me, but very much alive! Tyler for all the awards! Bill tries to stop Tyler from going in, but Liz shoots a warning shot. Woo hoo! Tyler opens the dungeon door and unshackles Caroline. She is really weak, but she indicates that her ring is on the floor and he puts it back on her finger. Then he gently picks her up, this girl who is covered in burns and weak from hunger and pain, and he carries her out of there in his arms. This is Tyler’s redemption and I will gladly accept it as such. Good job, Lockwood. And yes, my eyes are watering as I write this paragraph.

Back at Gloria’s. Stefan: “So, I’m confused. If we were such good friends, why do I only know you as the hybrid dick who sacrificed my girlfriend on an altar of fire?” Ha! I love when Stefan is funny. Klaus: “All good things must come to an end.”

Flashback! Klaus watches as his sister and Stefan dance. He senses something, and soon we see that it is a police raid. This is Prohibition time, after all. Stefan and Rebekah run behind the bar to hide from the bullets, and they soon see that they are wooden bullets. Uh oh. Rebekah: “That means he’s here.” He? Oooh, the plot thickens. Who could Klaus and Rebekah be afraid of? Another Original perhaps? Buffy? A Van Helsing/ Holtz type? Something worse? Rebekah and Klaus run off, but in the process, Rebekah drops her necklace. Klaus stops to tell Stefan that he must forget him and Rebekah, until he says otherwise. Klaus adds: “Thank you. I had forgotten what it was like to have a brother.” You know, it is kind of fitting that Stefan and Klaus connected, if you look at their family history. Both were estranged from their brothers during this period, so they each fulfilled a need for the other. You know?

Present day. The truth dawns on Stefan: “You compelled me to forget.” Klaus explains: “It was time for Rebekah and I to move on. Better to have a clean slate.” Stefan: “Why? You shouldn’t have to cover your tracks … unless you’re running from someone.” Lucia: “Ooooh, this is SO EXCITING!” Klaus is not so sure: “Story time’s over.” Lucia: POUTS. Then Damon enters the bar and nods to his brother. Stefan makes an excuse to surreptitiously join Damon outside, saying that he needs a real drink.

Cut to Stefan pinning Damon to a car in the alley outside. Just like old times? Stefan:“What’s wrong with you?” Damon: “What’s wrong with you? You kill Andie one day, you save my life the next. What, are you good? Bad? Pick one.” Stefan: “Klaus almost saw Elena today. You need to get her out of Chicago.” Damon: “She’s not going anywhere until she’s got you checked into vampire rehab and on the mend. Trust me, I’ve tried.” Stefan: “She is the key to everything. Klaus can’t know that she’s alive.” Damon: “What are you talking about?” Stefan: “She was supposed to die in the sacrifice. Now Klaus can’t create any new hybrids. His witch is seconds away from figuring that out. Tell Elena to go home and forget about me.” Damon: “Tell her yourself.” Then we see Elena standing there in a belted purple dress.

Back inside, Damon joins Klaus at the bar. Klaus is less than pleased: “I see they’ve opened the doors to the riff raff now.” Damon: “Oh, honey, I’ve been called worse.” Damon clearly read my recap last week and is trying to audition to be a Sassy Vampire Friend. Unfortunately for Damon, Klaus has already filled that position: “You don’t give up, do you?” Damon: “Give me my brother back, you’ll never have to see me again.” Klaus: “Well, I am torn. You see, I promised Stefan I wouldn’t let you die, but how many freebies did I really sign up for? And clearly you want to die, or you wouldn’t be here.” The delivery there was just such perfection I can barely stand it. Joseph Morgan has grown on me SO MUCH. Damon: “What can I say? I’m a thrill seeker.” Well, in that case, I hope that he finds Klaus grabbing him by the neck to be thrilling.

Meanwhile, Elena and Stefan are in phase one of an agonizing breakup. He tells her that she shouldn’t be here. Elena: “Where else would I be?” Good question. This is kind of her thing. Stefan is all serious business: “What do you want? Damon won’t be able to distract Klaus for long.” Elena begs him to come home. Then she embraces him, and it turns out that her “brilliant” “plan” was to stab him with vervain. But he stops her. Ooooh, genius plan is foiled! Drat. He gets angry, trying to make her leave, knowing how much danger she could be in from Klaus: “How much clearer can I make it? I don’t want to come home.” Um, I think you could be a lot clearer, Stefan. Perhaps don’t call her in the middle of the night to silently cry. Just for starters. Now, I know that a lot of people are giving Elena a hard time for being dense and not taking a hint, but let’s be real. This is a completely manufactured breakup in order to protect Elena, and she knows this. SHE KNOWS THIS. Now, that’s not to say that there aren’t additional issues—such as Stefan’s murderous ways and ensuing broodiness—but ultimately the most pressing issue at hand is saving Elena. Stefan brings up all this other stuff to support a decision that he has already made. TO PROTECT ELENA. Stefan is still totally in love with her and is clearly sending her mixed signals.

Back inside, Klaus starts torturing Damon with one of those little drink umbrellas. Yes, you read that right. He tortures Damon with what amounts to a fancy toothpick. It is amazing. It was possibly even better than when Pearl stuck her fingers into Damon’s eyeballs, but I can’t decide. Definitely right up there with Elijah using Damon as a pencil case. What? Allow me my simple pleasures. It’s not like I wrote the scene. Anyway, Damon is not done auditioning to be Klaus’s Sassy Vampire Friend: “You want a partner in crime? Forget Stefan. I’m so much more fun.” Klaus: “You won’t be any fun after you’re dead.” Seriously, Klaus? Work on your villain banter, please. Fortunately for Damon, Gloria intercedes before Klaus can finish the eldest Salvatore off, lighting Klaus’s makeshift stake on fire. Klaus’s reaction is priceless: “Really?” Gloria: “Not in my bar. You take it outside.” Love her! Klaus gets the last word with Damon: “You don’t have to negotiate your brother’s freedom. When I’m done with him, he won’t want to go back.” Like, say, for example … NOW. Keep up, people.

Cut back to the long drawn-out breakup. Stefan explains: “Klaus is obsessed with siring these hybrids. The second he knows you’re alive, he’ll figure out why it’s not working.” Elena: “Look, I know you’re trying to protect me, but I can’t let you do it. Come with me, Stefan, Please.” SEE!?!? This is the opposite of clear, Stefan. You suck at breaking up with girls with hero complexes. Elena will always want to out-sacrifice you, and we all know she can. Girl is a sacrifice expert. Stefan: “And what do you expect if I do? Huh? It’s never going to be the same, Elena!” Elena: “I know that.” Stefan: “I don’t think you do. I’ve left bodies scattered from Florida to Tennessee. Innocent people. Humans.” Elena: “Lexie found you like this before—in the twenties—and she saved you.” Stefan: “And you know what I did after that? I spent 30 years trying to pull myself together. To a vampire, that’s nothing. To you, that’s half your life.” Elena: “I can’t give up on you, Stefan.” Stefan: “Yes you can. It’s done. That part of my life is done. I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to be with you. I just want you to go.” She stands there alone and upset. And that was the end of Stefan and Elena. (Yeah right!)

Close up on The Necklace as Elena sits in the car. Um, I think that we get it. Damon gets in and asks if she’s okay, and she just orders him to drive. Official verdict: the Chicago trip was unsuccessful. “I went to Chicago and all I brought back was a lousy broken heart and an aversion to tropical-themed beverages.” Also, they probably have just enough time to drive back to Mystic Falls before Klaus starts knocking on the Gilbert front door demanding Rebekah’s necklace. Hmmm … you know who might really be able to help with this problem? Elijah. Katherine, please make yourself useful.

Meanwhile, in Mystic Falls, Caroline is back home in her room. Liz gave her a blood bag and continues to warm my heart with her mom-ness. She tries to comfort her daughter: “Honey, your dad … all our families, we have beliefs that have been passed on through generations. We were taught never to stray from them.” Caroline: “You did.” Liz: “You taught me to look at things in a different way.” Caroline: “I just thought that he was the one who got me.” Liz: “He did. He will again.” Then Tyler comes in and smiles a smile that says, “Yeah, I totally saved the girl. People love me right now. I know it. You know it. It feels good.” Liz gets up to leave, giving them some privacy, but Caroline calls out, “Hey, mom, thanks for believing in me.” Sniffle. Tyler: “Would now be a bad time to give you crap about sneaking out on me?” She laughs and then it turns into tears and then I do the exact same thing. Candice Accola is THE BEST. There should be a special award for laugh-cries. I just feel all the feelings right now. Anyway, Tyler gets into bed with her and holds her as she cries. Caroline sobs: “He hates me. My dad hates me.” And when Caroline cries, I cry.

Cut to Klaus returning to his coffin warehouse. Rebekah’s gone. The guard is dead. He calls for her: “Rebekah, it’s your big brother. Come out, come out, wherever you are.” Rebekah appears: “Go to hell, Nick.” And with that, she stabs him. I knew that I liked her.

Flashback! Back in the 1920s, Klaus rushes Rebekah, saying that they need to go. But she wants to wait for Stefan. Klaus, of course, has already compelled Stefan to forget them, but Rebekah has no idea. Despite Klaus’s urging, she refuses to leave without Stefan. Klaus: “Stefan’s not coming. We have to disappear. He’ll draw too much attention. Let him go.” Rebekah: “What did you do?” Klaus: “C’mon. We don’t have time for one of your tantrums.” Rebekah: “I don’t want to run anymore, Nick. All we do is run. I want to be with Stefan.” Klaus: “Fine. Then choose: him or me. [Pause. He smiles confidently.] That’s what I thought.” He turns, expecting her to follow. Rebekah: “Goodbye, Nick.” Aaaaand … he stabs her with the dagger. You guys, what is it about Stefan that makes everyone choose him? Perhaps it’s contagious? Choosing Stefan is like a frakin’ epidemic or something.

Back in the present, Klaus pulls the dagger out of himself. “Don’t pout,” he tells Rebekah. “You knew it wouldn’t kill me.” Rebekah: “No, but I was hoping it would hurt more.” Okay, recap break so that we can discuss the whole dagger issue. Back in “The Dinner Party,”  Elena read Johnathan Gilbert’s journal, which said, “It must be brandished by humans alone for it will bring death to all demons who wield it.” Remember how Alaric had to take matters into his own hands in order to prevent Damon from getting killed? So, are we to assume that this rule does not apply to Originals? In “Klaus,” Elijah explains: “So as you’ve seen, nothing can kill an Original. Not sun, not fire, not even a werewolf bite.  Only the wood from one tree—a tree my family made sure burned.” Klas, however is an exception. Elijah states: “When a werewolf is wounded by silver, it heals. An Original can’t be killed by anything except white ash on a silver dagger. So, you see the conundrum.  The dagger does not work.” (We will set aside this specious reasoning, since when an Original is wounded by silver, an Original would heal too. The ash seems to be what really makes a difference here.) So, Klaus can’t be killed by the dagger, if stabbed, which made me assume that was why he couldn’t be killed by the dagger, when using it to kill Elijah. Fine. But now Rebekah stabs Klaus and that does nothing to her. Was John Gilbert just wrong? Is this a result of poor reading comprehension on Elena’s part? Or perhaps there is an exception when it comes to Originals? The idea of an Original exemption bothers me, however, since presumably this weakness was created by the witches to create balance, and the Originals were the first, and possibly the only, vampires when this loophole was created. So, why would the dagger be charmed to kill murderous demons who didn’t even exist yet? Or maybe since the dagger can’t kill Klaus, then anyone who attempts to kill him would be fine? Some type of weird loophole? I was discussing this on Twitter, and Vee brought up another theory, which Red came up with. In Vee’s words: “Red’s theory that the dagger curse is bullshit that the Originals put out there. AS THEY DO.” I am basically in love with this theory. It would be hilarious if the Originals spread this rumor that vampires couldn’t kill Originals without dying in turn. “Oh, we only have one weakness, but if any of you vamps try to exploit it, you will die a horrible death.” How convenient for the Originals, right? The idea that characters are lying to us is a lot more fun, to me personally, than murky and inconsistent mythology from the writers. I mean, it’s not a huge deal and shouldn’t really matter … except that the show continually stresses these types of details and mythology reveals. If they’re going to rely on this kind of thing to move the story forward, someone needs to get a handle on all the various inconsistencies in the mythology of the show.

Back to Klaus and Rebekah, post-stabbing. Klaus is pretty understanding about the whole thing: “I understand that you’re upset with me, so I’m going to let that go. Just this once. I brought you a little peace offering.” He calls out, “You can come in.” It’s Stefan. And Rebekah remembers him like it were yesterday. Klaus approaches Stefan and undoes his compulsion: “Now, you remember.” And Stefan remembers. Everything. He says Rebekah’s name, and definitely looks happy to see her. Klaus feels left out, obviously, so before the other two can have a reunion without him, he calls Stefan’s name. Flashback! 1920s Stefan says, “Take a picture of my brother and me.” He and Klaus were so happy together. Present day Stefan has his memories back: “I remember you. We were friends.” Klaus: “We are friends.” Then he turns to his sister: “And now the reason you’re here. Gloria tells me you know how to contact the original witch.” Rebekah: “The original witch?” See how they say it? It makes me think thouhts. Klaus: “What do you have that Gloria needs?” She reaches for her neck and notices that her necklace is gone. Uh oh. Klaus is pissed: “Tell me that’s not what she needs.” She looks in her coffin, but it’s gone. Stefan stays silent … for now.

Cut to Damon drinking alone. Katherine calls and Damon tells her that she was right. Katherine: “I’m always right. Let me guess. It ended in tears and heartbreak.” 100 points for Slytherin! Damon asks where she is, but she won’t tell. Damon guesses Europe—Italy or Spain maybe. She tells him to keep guessing. She is in a phone booth again and in a busy city, but so far that’s all we can gather.

Flashback! Katherine with a fabulous 1920s bob and wearing a flapper dress! I love this show. She has been stalking Stefan at Gloria’s, just as I imagined. She walks up to the fallen necklace on the ground, but when Stefan approaches, she goes and lurks in the corner and watches. Like I said: LOVE. We see Sebastian Roché enter. Last time I saw him on television, he was an angel, and before that he was a psycho criminal ready to blow up a hotel full of people. I’m excited! He claims to work for the Chicago PD. Stefan says he’s not afraid of him, but the mysterious “detective” assures him that he’s not there for Stefan. He pulls out some sketches of Klaus and Rebekah. Newly compelled Stefan has no memory of ever having met these people. Then, Stefan picks up the necklace on the floor, not knowing its significance. Kat and her delightful bob watch.

Present day. Katherine waves down a taxi. A bus passes by, letting us know that she is in Chicago. Someone’s still stalking Stefan! Ninety years later and nothing has changed. The end. So, what did you all think of the episode? Any theories?