THE VAMPIRE DIARIES: “Klaus”
Read on for my recap & review of The Vampire Diaries 2×19, aired Thursday, April 21, 2011:
How much did I love “Klaus”? Well, it was definitely the best episode since “Masquerade.” And “Masquerade” was up there with “The Return,” so that’s high praise. As someone once wisely said, “I like my Sketchers, but I love my Prada backpack.” This latest episode is sooooo a Prada backpack. (Yes, you came to the right place for analysis based on teen movies from 1999. You’re welcome.) But seriously, all those problems we were having with the curse mythology? All fixed! I’m impressed. A round of applause for the writers, for coming up with this elegant and surprising twist. So, let’s discuss.
Klaus, Klaus, Klaus, Klaus! That’s all everybody in Mystic Falls ever talks about. But what about Eliiiiiiiijah? Well, as this latest episode of The Vampire Diaries proved, Elijah is older, wiser, and waaaaay cooler than his brother. Oh yeah, Elijah and Klaus are brothers. I believe the word you’re looking for is OMFG. But back to Elijah … no, I’m not done yet. I’ll admit that when Elijah first appeared on our screens, I wasn’t so sure about his hair and I didn’t think that knocking Trevor’s head off was that impressive. Silly silly silly me, I know. I have since come to realize his superiority in every way to everyone (Caroline and Katherine excepted, of course). Duh. When podcasting with Melissa, Vee, and Lee about “The Last Dance” last week, we discussed whether Elijah would make it through the season alive. We decided that while on paper Elijah’s death scene might be written, they wouldn’t be able to go through with it. They would have to deposit his death scene on the cutting room floor, and from henceforth this would be called “Pulling a Gillies.” I mean, am I right?
Exactly. So, now that the Elijah worship is taken care of (spoiler alert: it’s really not), let’s discuss Klaus-in-Alaric. Mr. Klauzman, we had a time. You were new and fun and exciting … but I want my Alaaaaaric back. Thanks! Of course, there are really just two important things to take from this episode: 1) Elijah is perfect (already covered—see above); 2) being kidnapped by Klaus is a par-tay. I mean, Katherine dancing with the lamp and swigging bourbon was pretty much the best thing ever. Clearly, Klaus needs to go back to villain training camp. Leaving Kat in a swanky apartment with booze and a stereo is really not helping her “pay.” I’m available for kidnapping, Klaus. Anytime. So, on to the recap …
We open where we last left off. Elena has pulled the dagger out of Elijah, and is sitting by his body, waiting for him to come back to life. To be honest, she looks a little bored. She’s all like, “How long does it take a frakin’ Original to stop looking so grey and crusty? I have a hot boyfriend to kiss. And homework!” (Okay, she was probably not thinking about homework. That whole Watergate thing last week was a fluke.) Anyway, Elijah finally awakes, and says “Katerina.” Before Elena can say, “Not this again!” we cut to a flashback.
England, 1492. Columbus sailed the ocean blue? Nope. Klaus had a birthday party! I wonder how old he is turning. Take guesses in the comments section. Trevor and Elijah are there, sporting old-timey wigs. Do you think Elijah’s hair is naturally curly? Does he straighten it for his 2011 side-part do? Or did he have his servants curl it back in the day? These are the important questions that get to the heart of the show, people. Anyway, Trevor brought Klaus a gift, and her name is Katerina Petrova. Awww, hello, human Katerina. You’re so oddly sweet and innocent seeming. However, your hair remains awesome throughout the centuries. It’s nice to see that throughout years of war and revolution, one thing has always remained the same since the fifteenth century. Yes, Katherine’s hair is my Constant. Moving on … when Elijah is introduced to Katerina, his jaw drops. He is in shock. Clearly he knew the original person, of whom the doppelgäänger is a copy. Right? I mean, clearly.
Cut back to the present. Elena assures Elijah that she is in fact Elena, not Katerina. And to Elena’s credit she is not annoyed by having to do this. I guess if you are Elena, you just have to accept this as a fact of life. Elijah says, “Oh my god!” and then we cut back to the flashback. 1492-Elijah tells Katerina, “Forgive me, you remind me of someone.” Also of note: Elijah is introduced as “the Lord Elijah.” Obvs. He kisses her hand, and he is really amazed and enthralled. Katerina Petrova just has that effect on people.
Back in the present, Elijah struggles. Elena tries to help, but he can’t breathe. Finally he says, “I can’t be in this house.” Elena realizes that this is because he’s not invited in. An elegant solution, I must say, to the conundrum of “What happens to a vampire in a house if the owner’s change the deed?” Thanks, Show! So, poor thing can’t breathe, and finally makes it outside. Then, when he tries to enter again, he can’t. Elena meets him at the door, and he asks her what happened. She shushes him. Nosy vampire brothers may be afoot, after all. She whispers: “I’ll tell you, but not here. Can I trust you?” Elijah remembers who killed whom, so he asks, “Can I trust you?” She hands over the magical Original-killing dagger to him as a sign that he can. Title card.
We then cut to Stefan waking up. Elena isn’t there so he’s alarmed. He probably assumes that she’s been kidnapped, per usual. As he rushes through the house looking for her, he sees Andie (yes, she still exists), and asks her if she’s seen Elena, but no. Then Damon’s all “I don’t know, Stefan, she’s your girlfriend. Mine’s right here.” Only when it’s convenient, Damon. I mean, no one likes searching for a frequently kidnapped girlfriend, but c’mon. Damon then asks Andie how her shoulder is, because he’s hungry. Ewww. Andie: “It’s really messy, can you just use a blood bag today. I’m already late for work.” Watching this twisted relationship, Stefan snarks: “What are you doing? She’s not a wind-up toy.” Word. (Spoiler alert: I’m going to agree with Stefan a lot in this episode. Remember in season one when I only rolled my eyes or yelled at him? Progress.) Andie and Damon, however, don’t think it’s any of Stefan’s business. Honestly, dear readers, I wish it weren’t any of our business either, because ewww. Anyway, Damon was totally lying about not caring where Elena is, because he follows Stefan down to the basement and they both see that Elijah’s body is gone. Damon: “No, she didn’t.” Yes, she did.
Meanwhile, Klalaric sends Maddox off to retrieve his body—as in the actual body of Klaus, as played by Joseph Morgan. And you know, as much as I have loved having Klalaric around, this made me happy because I was starting to miss Genuine Formula Alaric. Anyway, Klalaric says that he wants to get out of this body and this bad hair do. How rude! (Only those who love Alaric are allowed to make fun of his hair. Hmph.) Katherine wonders if that’s such a good idea. Klaus tells her: “Well, the full moon is almost upon us, I’ve killed the witch, I have the moonstone, and the doppelgänger is waiting in the wings. Ooooh, I am ready to break this curse.” Katherine: “And why would you do that here? There’s so many people who will try to stop you.” Klaus, in dire need of Villain Training Camp, spills: “Because I have to. It’s the birthplace of the doppelgänger.” Oh, Klaus … you are like Dr. Evil or something. Yes, keep your enemy around so you can spill all your secrets to her, just in time for her to make a daring escape, and then tell the rest of your enemies. Nice. Katherine: “I didn’t realize that was a requirement.” See? This is brand new information, casually tossed into Katherine’s hands. Klaus: “Well how could you? You betrayed me and fled England before I could give you details, Katerina.” He adds, “But, I did find your birthplace and I slaughtered your family, so I guess we’re cool.” Ha! So I guess if Kat hadn’t turned herself back in 1492, then Klaus would have performed the sacrifice in her hometown in Bulgaria. Klaus then says, “Let’s just hope Elena isn’t as stupid as you were.” Katherine: “She won’t run. She’ll die before she lets anyone that she loves get hurt.” Klaus: “And that’s exactly what I’m counting on.” He then compels her before leaving: “You can’t leave until I tell you to.” No stabbings this week, Klaus? Nothing more creative? Just, “Don’t leave”? You know, you really don’t seem to have your heart in this whole payback thing. Back to Villain Training Camp with you, I say, and find some motivation.
Cut to Elena and Elijah in the car together. She pulls over, as Elijah sips some blood from a blood bag. Elena says that he looks better, you know, now that he’s no longer corpsified and gross. He wonders where she got the dagger. Oh, he really is out of the loop. Elena assures him “I’ll tell you everything, but we have to work together, Elijah. I need your word.” Elijah remembers who broke whose word, and retorts, “Your ability to make demands is long past.” Elena: “No demands. I’m offering you my help. And in return, I want yours.” Elijah: “And why should I even consider this?” Elena: “The same reason that you haven’t killed me. You need my help to kill Klaus. And I need you.” They are then interrupted when Stefan calls. He asks where Elena is and if she’s okay. She says she is, and she’s with Elijah. Stefan: “Where? I’m on my way.” Elena: “No, Stefan, Elijah and I need some time alone.” Ha! Funniest line in the episode. Did she have to phrase it like that? Sorry, Stefan. Stefan protests: “He can’t be trusted. He’ll use you to get to Klaus.” Elena replies very pointedly (while staring at Elijah, I might add): “Elijah is a noble man, Stefan. He lives by a code of honor. I can trust him. He knows that I’d be incredibly stupid to betray him again. By removing the dagger, I have proven myself.” Stefan: “You can’t do this alone.” Me: “Duh, that’s what Elijah’s for.” Elena: “It’s my decision, Stefan. Please respect it. And make sure that Damon doesn’t do anything stupid. I’ll be in touch.” Ha! After she hangs up, Elijah holds out his hand, and she passes him the phone. He oh-so casually puts it in his breast pocket, as if he were his usual impeccably groomed self, and not wearing tattered rags. As if it were just an ordinary everyday occurrence that he was brought back to life by the teenage girl who killed him. This man. You guys, this was the moment when I fell in love with Elijah. Please rewatch that scene and take in the utter perfection.
Back at The Bermuda Triangle (currently sans Bermuda), Damon sputters, “Did she just hang up on you?” Stefan: “She did.” Damon: “She’s lost it.” Ha! Such gold. Sorry, Salvatores, but Elena has a new vampire to plot and plan with. Ouch. Damon and Stefan then proceed to argue about stuff. Damon wants to go after her, but Stefan wants to trust her. Damon thinks his plan is better—you know, the plan to go off chasing an Original without any plan whatsoever. Stefan tells him to back off. In that voice. I have to say, I’m pretty impressed that Stefan is willing to actually adhere to Elena’s wishes, and that he is able to restrain himself from chasing after her. He may be transitioning from Vampire Stalker Boyfriend to Actual Boyfriend. I didn’t know he had it in him. There’s an exchange later between Damon and Stefan involving whom Elena respects, but regardless of whether that’s true, this particular scene shows that at least Stefan respects Elena. And I like that.
Back in the car, Elena proceeds to fill Elijah in about what he’s missed. She explains that Klaus is here in Mystic Falls, and that he’s taken over Alaric’s body. Elijah: “Of course he has. One of his favorite tricks.” Elena: “Well, what are his other tricks? What is he gonna do next? You’re the only one who knows him.” Elijah: “Yes I do.” Cue Flashback! Klaus is fashionably late, but finally arrives to his birthday party. Hello, Joseph Morgan! You’re finally here. [Side note: I would like to award Joseph Morgan (@_josephmorgan) the Most Adorable Twitter Award. He may be playing a vicious vampire, but the guy’s twitter is the cutest. He’s always calling everyone sweethearts, tweeting cryptic things about Klaus, uses lots of emoticons, quoting vampire literature and music, and he waits to tweet plot-related stuff until the show has aired in the U.K. Most importantly, he’s clearly having so much fun with his character. I mean, it’s all just too adorable. Hence the award. Now, carry on with the recap.] Klaus catches sight of Katerina. His reaction is not as slack-jawed as Elijah’s, but clearly he knows that she is the doppelgänger on sight. Elijah to Katerina: “May I introduce to you the Lord Niklaus.” He kisses her hand, and says, “Niklaus is the name my father gave me. Please, call me Klaus.” Oooh, this line takes on even more significance once we have seen the end of the episode. The father who named him was not his biological father, and the two didn’t get along. Also, do you think anyone ever called him Nicky?
Cut to Elijah and Elena show up at the Lockwood mansion. Why there, you ask? Elijah is a LORD, people. He’s not going to go to just any house to clean up and suit up. He’s going to the biggest mansion in town. Carol greets them at the door, in a hurry to get to a meeting, but she invites him in after he compels her. Elijah’s first order of business is to ask for a change of clothing. You can’t reveal important mythology if you’re not looking your best after all. Carol: “Well, we can try one of my husband’s suits. I haven’t boxed them up yet.” Me: “Thank God! Can you imagine if there weren’t any suits around for Elijah to wear? Unacceptable.” Elena wonders how he knew that Carol wasn’t on vervain. Elijah: “Because I’m the one who got her off it. Right before you and your friends killed me. Twice. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be down the hall.” Love love love love. And really, Elijah has been killed by her friends three times, counting the incident in “Rose.” He is really a very understanding man.
Meanwhile, Aunt Jenna is back from campus, and home in her kitchen. Uh oh. The Gilbert kitchen is a place of violence. She calls Stefan, looking for Elena and Jeremy because they’re not answering their phones. We know what’s keeping Elena busy, but I guess the witch safe house doesn’t get good reception. Or Jeremy is too busy doing sex spells with Bonnie. Anyway, Jenna tells Stefan that Elena left her a bunch of weird messages about staying away from “Ric.” She then reveals that she’s home, and Stefan gets worried. She’s supposed to meet “Ric” at the Grill to talk, but Stefan tells her not to do that. He’ll come over to explain things.
When Stefan gets off the phone, there is some tension between him and Damon. Damon pretends to back off, but then as soon and Stefan leaves, he tells Andie to c’mon. They’re “splitting from the team” and “going rogue.” Must be Tuesday. Also, wasn’t Andie late for work earlier? Good thing she’s sacrificing her career for a vampire boyfriend who treats her like crap. This whole storyline just kind of makes me sad, no matter how funny it’s supposed to be. (And yes, it does get funny.)
We then return to Elena and Elijah. Fiiiiiinally! We were away too long. Elijah: “So I assume that the Martin witches are no longer with us.” Elena: “No, I’m sorry.” You know, looking back it seems like such a waste that Damon killed Luka for trying to do what Elena actually just did. I mean, I was no fan of the Martins, but it’s all kind of tragic and pointless. Anyway, then Elijah asks, “And Katerina? She would have been released from my compulsion when she died.” Elena says they think he may have killed her, but Elijah doubts that: “Not Klaus’s style. Death would be too easy for her after what she did.” Elena: “I don’t understand. You say that you want Klaus dead, but you still made Katherine pay for betraying him.” Elijah: “I have my own reasons for wanting Katerina to pay. There was a time I’d have done anything for Klaus.”
Flashback! Katerina is charmed by Klaus. I guess she didn’t see Elijah STANDING RIGHT THERE. Elijah tells Klaus, with a significant glance, “Katerina is from Bulgaria.” Klaus, in a Bulgarian accent, says, “Zradevei, Katerina.” (I got the spelling from the closed captions on the CW video site, so pardon me if that’s incorrect.) Katerina giggles, “Very good.” A very nice counterpoint to the end of “Know Thy Enemy,” when “Zradevei, Katerina” received a very different response. I love this show. Klaus: “Do you mind, brother? I would like to have a moment alone with her.” Elijah: “No, not at all. Happy birthday, brother.” Back in the present, Elijah confirms, “Klaus is my brother!” Elena echoes the sentiments of the audience: “I heard that. I’m still processing.” Elijah: “I’m a little behind on the times, but I believe the term that you’re searching for is ‘OMG.’” Yes it is. (My reaction in my notes was more like two lines of exclamation points, but I decided to spare you.)
Cut to Katherine home alone. The music blasts as she finds Alaric’s bourbon stash. Makin’ the best of captivity. Love her! She sips some bourbon, but then hears Andie and Damon outside. Unfortunately, she can’t open the door or call to them because of the compulsion. They hear the music however, and Damon breaks the lock and then has Andie open the door. Damon however, cannot enter. 1) How can that be true? Does Team Blood and Beer mean NOTHING? 2) Alaric is officially the smartest person in Mystic Falls. Nice. Katherine is happy to see them, and Andie is fascinated by how much she looks like Elena. Damon: “Yeah. I thought you might be dead.” Katherine: “Unfortunately not.” I don’t know, Katherine, I’m a little disappointed in this defeatist attitude. You’re a survivor. One day of some knife torture can’t be the worst you’ve suffered.
Meanwhile, Stefan goes to see Jenna, but before he can explain he sees that Klalaric is there. Uh oh.
Cut to Elena and Elijah in the Lockwood drawing room. Elena asks, “There’s a whole family of Originals?” Elijah: “My father was a wealthy land owner in a village in eastern Europe. Our mother bore seven children.” Magic number! Elena: “So, your parents were human?” Elijah: “My whole family was. Our origin as vampires is a very long story, Elena. Just know, we’re the oldest vampires in the world. We are the original family, and from us all vampires were created.” Elena: “Right, but Klaus is your brother. And you want him dead?” Elijah: “I need some air. Still feeling a tad … dead.” ZOMG. Thoughts? Theories? Who do you want cast as the remaining siblings and two parents? So much potential awesomeness in store. It feels like Christmas.
We then return to Alaric’s apartment (which is super nice, by the way). Katherine asks Damon and Andie what they’re doing there. Andie tells Katherine that they’re there to rescue her. Damon: “No, Sweetie. We are here to see if she deserves to be rescued.” Andie: “Right.” Damon: “I figured you still might be kicking. Alaric-Klaus was blending waaaay too easily. I figured he had probably had some coaching.” Good job with the thoughts, Damon! Impressed. He then holds up some vervain, touting it as her “salvation.” Ah, this is where being immune to vervain is going to come in handy. Katherine: “It’s not gonna undo anything.” While that’s true, Damon asks a couple questions, and is able to figure out that she can’t say that she was compelled to do, but she was also not compelled “to do absolutely everything he says until the end of time?” Loophole! He tells her to drink the vervain to prevent any further compulsion. However, before he will give it to her, he has one question: “You double-crossed us with Isobel. Why?” Katherine: “I didn’t think you’d stand a chance against Klaus. I was looking out for myself.” Damon: “And where’d that get you.” Also a factor: trusting Isobel. Damon then warns: “Be careful with that. He finds out you have that, and you’re never getting out of here.” Geez, Damon, care more about Katherine’s welfare, I dare you. #stillobsessed Katherine drinks the vervain, and Damon says, “You owe me … and I will collect.” He is so casual about it, with no excess drama, and yet you know he really means it. This is my favorite Damon. As they leave, Andie tells Katherine that it was nice to meet her. Hee. What a loon. Did Damon compel her to be cheerful all the time? Or is that her personality?
Meanwhile, Klalaric is chopping vegetables in the Gilbert kitchen. Uh oh, there are knives involved. This never ends well. He creepily says: “I find chopping calming. The feel of the blade in my hand, maybe.” Jenna wants to know what’s going on. Klalaric: “Do you want to tell her, Stefan? Or should I?” Jenna: “Tell me what?” Klalaric: “Do you believe in vampires, Jenna? No? Well who does? Believe it or not, they do have a place in our history. And as a history teacher, I find them fascinating.” Jenna: “Why are we talking about this?” Klalaric: “Well, you’ve been angry with me about keeping secrets. And this is one of my secrets. I’m obsessed with vampires. There. I said it. [Laughs.]” Jenna: “Are you joking?” Klalaric: “Not at all. What about you, Stefan? Are you a fan of vampires?” Stefan: “The literature. Bram Stoker. It’s dense, but I appreciate it.” Klalaric: “Did you know that vampires are the oldest creatures of the night. Except for werewolves, of course.” Jenna: “Werewolves. Werewolves. Now I know you’re joking.” Klalaric continues: “You know, I’ve read that there’s an Aztec curse on both species that keeps werewolves slaves to the moon and vampires bound by the sun. Isn’t that right, Stefan? You know, they say these creatures would do anything to have this curse broken, and that they wouldn’t care who they had to kill to do it.” I have no idea what Klaus is trying to do here, but kudos for freaking people out … I guess.
Cut to Elijah and Elena on the Lockwood grounds, mid conversation. Best setting for mythological exposition ever! Elijah: “So as you’ve seen, nothing can kill an Original. Not sun, not fire, not even a werewolf bite. Only the wood from one tree—a tree my family made sure burned.” Elena: “That’s where the white ash for the dagger comes from.” Elijah: “Yes. The witches won’t allow anything truly immortal to walk the earth. Every creature needs to have a weakness in order to maintain balance.” Aha! Elena asks the question I’ve been wondering all along: “So, if the sun can’t kill an Original, why is Klaus so obsessed with breaking the sun and the moon curse?” Exactly. Elijah amusedly says, “The curse of the sun and the moon … it’s all so biblical sounding, don’t you think?” Elena asks, “What’s so funny?”
Cut to another Flashback. Elijah brings a Roman parchment to Klaus. Klaus: “I remember etching this scroll. Well, I was quite blistered from drink.” Elijah: “Your finest work remains your Aztec drawings.” Klaus: “Not the African carvings? ‘Cause I was quite proud of those.” Elijah: “The Aztec. Who can resist a shaman?” Ha! Klaus laughs, “Yes …” Cut back to the present. Elena: “I don’t understand. So Klaus drew the Aztec sketches about the curse?” Elijah: “Roman scrolls, African tribal etchings, and any other culture or continent we felt like planting it in.” Elena: “But why?” Elijah: “The easiest way to discover the existence of a doppelganger or to get your hands on some long lost moonstone is to have every single member of two warring species on the lookout.” Elena: “So it’s not Aztec at all?” Elijah: “The curse of the sun and the moon is fake. It doesn’t exist.” @#$!&*@! The curse is made up! Best thing I’ve ever heard. I love this show so much right now. Elena’s all, “What?” Me: “Pay attention, Elena!” Question: Do you think this means that Klaus created all these artifacts and planted them to be discovered by later people, or do you think this means Klaus is older than the Roman Empire, and planted these objects contemporaneously? Second question: If Klaus and Elijah are old enough to have been alive during ancient Roman times, when do we get those flashbacks? Did they hang out with Caligula? Have an affair with Agrippina? And related question: If this happens, will any of you attend the funeral for my inevitable death by swoonpocalypse?
We then return to the Gilbert house, which by the way no longer has any Gilberts living in it … oh, wait, there’s John. I guess we can still call it the Gilbert house. Klalaric is still talking: “Oh, I know this all sounds so crazy, but vampires are real. Would you care for some more wine?” Jenna is fed up, and tells him to get out. Stefan: “You heard her.” Klalaric: “I’m afraid I don’t want to.” Jenna: “Fine, I’ll go.” Klalaric begs to differ, and picks up the knife. Stefan grabs it away from him, and pins Klalaric to the wall. He then tells Jenna to get out of there, but she hesitates. Klalaric: “You can’t kill me.” Stefan: “Watch me.” Me: “Don’t you dare, Stefan, or all the good favor you’ve gained will be out the window! I’ll start liking Damon way more, I promise!” Klalaric: “I may not have a witch protecting me today, but if you kill this body, what’s to stop me from choosing Jenna as my next one.” Tricksy. Stefan sees the logic in that, but also sees that Jenna is STILL there, so he yells really scarily, “I SAID GOOOOO!” His eyes get all veiny, and now she knows that he’s a vampire so she runs. Klalaric: “Kill me. Just remind Elena how easy it will be for me to get revenge if she tries to stop me from breaking this curse.” Stefan punches and kicks Klalaric for awhile to get out his anger, but he doesn’t kill him. Thanks for the favor, Stefan. I owe you.
Meanwhile, Elena and Elijah are still strolling the Lockwood grounds and talking about awesome stuff. Elijah explains, “Klaus and I faked the sun and the moon curse dating back over a thousand years.” Again, I find this wording slightly confusing. They faked it so that the curse seemed as old as over a thousand years ago? Or they started faking it over a thousand years ago? (Sorry if I’m reading too much into this. Just curious. The line about wealthy landowners in eastern Europe earlier made me start to think that the Originals are younger than we might thing.) Elena: “But if there’s no curse …” Elijah: “There’s a curse. Just not that one. The real one’s much worse. It’s a curse placed on Klaus.” I. Love. This. Show. Elena: “What are you talking about?” Elijah: “Klaus has been trying to break it for the last thousand years and you are his only hope.” Elena: “Well what is this curse?” Unfortunately, they are interrupted by the “incessant buzzing” of Elena’s phone. Yes, I’m sure Jenna’s problems are very important, Stefan, but c’mon! We want more Lockwood-grounds-strolling! Is that too much to ask for? Sadly, it is for now, and Elena picks up the phone. She gets upset immediately, and says she’ll be right there. She then explains to Elijah: “Klaus went after Jenna. I have to go to her.” Elijah: “I’m afraid that wasn’t part of today’s arrangement.” Elena: “She’s my family, Elijah. I have to. I’ll be back. You have my word.” Elijah is a big softie when it comes to doppelgängers that look like Nina Dobrev, so he just says, “That doesn’t mean anything to me unless you live up to it.” Agreed. She thanks him and runs off.
Cut to another flashback. Elijah and Katerina are playing tag. They are adorable. When she notes that he’s supposed to catch her, he replies, “Well if I catch you, the game would be over.” Katerina: “Thank you for entertaining me.” Elijah: “Well you looked lonely inside, so I took pity on you.” Katerina: “Klaus promised to spend the day with me, but he never returned home from the night.” Elijah: “Klaus does not live by any rules but his own.” Katerina: “He is a very charming man. Hard for any woman to resist, I suppose.” Elijah: “And yet?” Katerina looks kind of sad and says: “I know not why he called me. He seems to not care about me at all.” Elijah: “Many a union has been built on much less.” Katerina: “Is it wrong to want more?” Elijah: “Do you have more with Trevor?” Katerina: “Trevor believes that he loves me, but true love is not real unless it is returned. Do you agree?” Elijah: “I do not believe in love, Katerina.” Katerina: “That is too sad for me to accept, my lord. Life is too cruel. If we cease to believe in love, why would we want to live?” Elijah gives a sad smile. Loved this exchange! Human Katerina was a big romantic, which totally makes sense to me. That’s probably why she ended up pregnant out-of-wedlock. And that aspect of her original personality is still left in her, I think, just twisted. See: the final scene in “Memory Lane.”
Anyway, then Klaus arrives in a bloody shirt and studded leather jacket. Katherine asks what happened, and he lies, “The wrong villager picked a fight at the tavern.” He then smiles creepily and proprietarily leads Katerina away. Elijah does not look happy. Cut to present Elijah gauging his clothing and surroundings. As if he was really lost in the moment, remembering that scene. Nice choice there to really make it seem like we were entering Elijah’s memory. Okay, and question: Do you think that it is possible that Katerina was the doppelgänger of an actual Original—the sister of Klaus and Elijah? I mean, it could totally be that she is just the doppelgänger of a human girl that Elijah and/or Klaus loved romantically back in the day. (And the latter is probably more likely). I think the scene could be interpreted either way, but my theory is sister. *Waits impatiently to find out if one of my theories will ever be right.*
Cut to Jenna and Elena at the Bermuda Triangle. Jenna is freaked. (Understatement.) Elena apologizes and says that she never meant for any of this to happen. Jenna: “When I was little, your mom used to tell me bedtime stories. Stories about vampires. I never thought that what she said could be true.” 1) Who tells children vampire stories at bedtime? 2) Was Miranda reading her sister stories from Founders’ journals? She would have already been with Grayson during Jenna’s childhood, since Jenna is probably only supposed to be about seven years older than Elena. So, ‘tis possible. Just wondering if Jenna may have some useful info hidden up in that head of hers. Hmmm. Anyway, Elena says that it is true and that she should have told her. She explains: “I thought that if you didn’t know, you’d be safe. But then things got so out of control, and everything that I’d done to keep you out of it … it just blew up in my face.” Nice recap of the Jenna-Elena dynamic for the past season. Jenna asks who else knows, and Elena confirms that both Jeremy and John do. Elena: “We were just trying to protect you.” Jenna: “Protect me?” Elena: “I am so sorry. I will tell you everything.” Jenna: “No, Elena, I am the one who’s supposed to be protecting you. And Jeremy.” I like this aspect of Jenna’s reaction. See, Jenna cares about more than herself and her relationship with Alaric. And it totally makes sense that she would feel guilty that she wasn’t able to protect her niece and nephew from these things. Elena: “There’s nothing you could have done. There’s so much more to it …” There’s some upset garbling, and I must say that once again, when Sara Canning is given emotional stuff to do, she really knocks it out of the park. The two sit on the couch as Jenna cries and Elena comforts her, repeating how sorry she is. We then see Stefan on the other side of the wall. He has clearly been crying too, or else he’s about to cry. This is what happens when you want to feel every episode of How I Met Your Mother, I guess.
Cut to Elena and Stefan discussing Jenna. Stefan apologizes, but she assures him that it’s not his fault. It’s her own. She then says that she has to go back to Elijah. At first he tries to talk her out of it, but she explains, “Stefan, I promised him that I would return. I can’t break that promise.” He nods. This easy acceptance and understanding is wigging me out. But I like it. She assures him that she’ll be okay.” However, nothing is that easy, because then Damon comes in and is all, “Where do you think you’re going?” He doesn’t want to let her, and gets tough. Andie steps in and says, “Easy.” Stefan says to let her go. Damon: “Are you kidding me? We just got her back.” Stefan uses that voice: “You heard me. I said let her go.” Damon: “That’s twice today you stood in my way. I wouldn’t try a third.” Me: “[Eye-roll.] Can you stop being such a drama queen, Damon?”
We then cut to my favorite scene of the episode: Katherine’s dance party! This is my favorite thing ever. Her dance partner is a lamp! She has the music blasting and is swigging bourbon. Best captivity evah! Unfortunately, her fun is ruined when Klalaric comes home. He tells her to turn the music down, and she wonders why he’s so grumpy. Klalaric: “This body has outlived its usefulness.” Katherine: “You want a drink?” Klalaric: “Katerina, I don’t want a drink.” Katherine: “C’mon, it might loosen you up.” He snaps at this point, throws the bottle against the wall and grabs her. He then compels her: “What I want is for you to sit down and shut up.” She does so, but she is so not compelled. Thanks, Damon! Then Maddox returns with Klaus’s luggage and Greta Martin. Greta greets Klaus as “my love.” Hmmm. She then says: “Nice body. You ready to get out of it.” Oh, witches and their pick-up lines. And then we see a really big trunk, in which his actual body lies. Vampire luggage is so much more exciting than regular luggage.
Meanwhile, Elena returns to the Lockwood mansion. Elijah is clearly happy to see her. Awww. He wasn’t betrayed … this week. But Elena has no time for pleasantries and wants to get down to business: “Tell me. What is Klaus’s curse?” He gestures for her to sit and she does. He begins his story: “My family was quite close. But Klaus and my father did not get on too well. When we became vampires, we discovered the truth. Klaus was not his father’s son. My mother had been unfaithful many years before. This was her darkest secret. Klaus was from a different bloodline. Of course, when my father discovered this, he hunted down and he killed my mother’s lover and his entire family. Not realizing, of course, that he was igniting a war between the species that rages until this day.” Elena: “A war between the species?” Elijah: “The vampires … and the werewolves.” Elena: “So, Klaus’s real father was from a werewolf bloodline? What does that make Klaus? A werewolf or a vampire?” Elijah: “He’s both.” He explains further: “A hybrid would be deadlier than any werewolf or vampire. Nature would not stand for such an imbalance of power. Therefore the witches, servants of nature, saw to it that my brother’s werewolf side would become dormant.” Elena: “That’s the curse that Klaus is trying to break?” Elijah: “He wants to trigger that part of him that’s a werewolf. If allowed, Klaus would sire his own bloodline—he’d build his own race, endangering not just vampires, but everyone.” Okay, hold up, wait a minute. Klaus is a werepire! That was too much power for one man to have, so the witches fixed it! He then made up the curse of the sun and the moon to cover the curse placed on him! Heroine TV reader Candy figured out about 90% of this craziness back in February. Back then I thought her theory was waaaay out there, but she was eerily right about SO MUCH. Round of applause for Candy.
Elena asks, “But you helped him?” Elijah: “I helped him because I loved him. That’s changed now. He must die.” Oooh, do we believe him? I really do. Of course this show does like its plot twists, so we can never be sure. Elena points out: “We have the dagger now. We can stop him.” Elijah: “When a werewolf is wounded by silver, it heals. An Original can’t be killed by anything except white ash on a silver dagger. So, you see the conundrum. The dagger does not work.” Oooooh, nice. Elena: “So, you’re saying that Klaus cannot be killed?” Elijah: “There’s one way to kill any supernatural species: at the hands of the servants of nature themselves.” It dawns on Elena: “A witch. If they can channel that much power … [sigh] but it would kill them.” Elijah: “The curse must be broken during the full moon, when Klaus is in transition. That’s when he’ll be at his most vulnerable. A witch with enough power can kill Klaus.” Elena: “What if I told you that I knew a witch who could channel that much power?” Me: “Elena, he said that a witch could kill Klaus. You already knew that. He never said that killing Klaus wouldn’t in turn kill that witch. Why are you jumping back on the use-Bonnie bandwagon? I’m confused. Was a line or a scene cut?” Elijah: “Then I would tell you that there’s one more thing that you should know.” Cue another flashback …
1492. Klaus: “The full moon is tomorrow, brother. After all these centuries it is finally time.” Elijah: “I have been to see the witches. They believe they have found a way to spare the doppelgänger.” Ooooh, the plot thickens. Klaus: “What does it matter if she lives or not? She is a means to an end. That is all.” Elijah: “And she should die for your gain?” Klaus: “She is human. Her life means nothing.” Elijah:“I beg you to consider this.” Klaus: “Are you so foolish as to care for her?” Elijah lies, “Of course not.” Oh, poor Elijah. Klaus: “Love is a vampire’s greatest weakness. And we are not weak, Elijah. We do not feel and we do not care.” Elijah says wistfully, “We did once.” Awww. Klaus: “Too many lifetimes ago to matter. Tell the witches not to bother. The sacrifice will happen as planned.”
Back in the present, Elena asks, “You found a way to save the life of the doppelgänger?” Brand new information! Elijah: “Yes, Elena, I did. Unfortunately, Katerina took matters into her own hands first. I believe you already know how that played out.” Me: “Yeah, awesomely! I mean, um … sorry, Elijah. Sucks for you.” Elena: “You cared about her, didn’t you?” Elijah: “It’s a common mistake I’m told. It’s one I won’t make again.” Oooooh. So, IF MY SISTER THEORY IS WRONG, and Elijah loved Kat romantically, should Elijah, Damon, and Stefan form a He-Man Katherine Haters Club? If Trevor were still around, he could join too. Or should Elijah just transfer his affections to Elena, because that’s what all of Katherine’s exes do? A conundrum. I vote both!
We then cut to Andie and Damon. She tries to make peace: “You don’t have to be so mad at your brother. He’s worried about Elena.” Damon: “Just go, please.” Andie: “I know you’re worried about her too.” Damon orders her to leave, as Stefan enters. Stefan smirks: “Tired of your little plaything already?” Stefan, it’s not funny, okay. These are not cute things you’re your brother does. Sigh. Damon: “Don’t start with me, Stefan. She’s just my distraction.” Stefan: “She’s a person. You’re victimizing her.” Word. Damon: “You should be thankful she’s here. It keeps me from going for what I really want.” Ewww. Put that way it just sounds gross. Poor Andie. Stefan: “You’re right. Thank you … for being in love with my girlfriend.” Awkward. Damon: “And there it is.” Stefan: “There it is. You know, you can be in love with Elena all you want, if it means that you’ll protect her. But I have one thing that you never will.” Damon: “Oh yeah? What’s that?” Stefan: “Her respect.” And then the boys are all ready for a vampire rumble, but before it can get too heated, Elena comes in with Elijah and yells for them to stop. Close one.
Cut to another flashback. Klaus enters the room angrily, and asks Elijah, “What have you done?” It seems that Katerina has fled and Klaus thinks his brother told her something. Elijah says that he told her nothing, but Klaus is not appeased. Elijah promises, “I will find her. You have my word.” Klaus: “If you do not, you have my word you will be dead.” Well, I guess we now know why the two brothers are estranged.
Back in the present, Damon sees Elijah and asks Elena disbelievingly, “You invited him in?” He’s probably rethinking that whole giving-Elena-his-house thing. Oops. Elena announces, “Elijah and I have renewed the terms of our deal.” Elijah: “The two of you will come to no harm at my hands. I only ask for one thing in return.” Damon: “What?” Elijah: “An apology.” OMG, I love Elijah just too much. Damon: “A what?” Aw, life is so hard for Damon. Stefan, however, apologizes immediately: “I’m sorry for the part that I played in your death. I was protecting Elena. I will always protect Elena.” Elijah: “I understand.” He then looks at Damon. Silence. Elena tells him: “The sacrifice is going to happen, Damon. Bonnie will be able to kill Klaus without hurting herself. [Again, how do we know this?] And Elijah knows how to save my life. I told you I’d find another way, and I did.” Damon: “Is that true?” Elijah: “It is.” Damon: “And you’re trusting him?” Elena: “I am.” Damon: “You can all go to hell.” He stalks off. Stefan, per usual, makes excuses for his brother: “He’s angry with me right now. But he’ll come around.” I really love that aspect of Damon and Stefan’s relationship. No matter how much the brothers are fighting, Stefan will always make excuses for his brother. Awww. Elijah is not so sure: “Perhaps.”
When Damon returns to his room, Andie is there, standing in her bra and panties and heels. Well then. Damon: “I thought I told you to leave.” Andie: “You didn’t compel me. I want to be here. Please let me be here.” Damon: “I’m upset. And you know what happens when I’m upset. You have to leave.” Andie: “No. You need to know that somebody cares about you. I care about you, Damon.” Damon can’t handle anyone caring about him at the moment—probably related to his existential crisis or something—so he snaps and chokes her and then feeds on her. Eww. She screams, and then when he finally lets her go, she falls to the floor sobbing. It’s just all so sad and pathetic, and made even more so with her in her underwear. He then compels her: “Get out before I kill you. Just go. GO! NOW!” At least he didn’t kill her … for now. Then Damon falls to the floor himself, all upset. Ugh.
Cut to Alaric’s apartment. There are candles all around and then the witches begin mumbling a spell. Abracadabra! Alaric is back in his body. Phew! Welcome back, Alaaaaaric. He sees Katherine and says, “Elena?” before collapsing. Then Klaus (in the body of Joseph Morgan) steps out of his luggage. “Now that’s more like it,” he declares WITH ACCENT. He gives a wicked smile. The end.
Thoughts? Reactions? Theories? Let’s discuss in the comments section.