THE VAMPIRE DIARIES: “The Dinner Party”

Photo: Annette Brown/The CW.

Read on for my recap & review of The Vampire Diaries episode 2×15, “The Dinner Party,” aired Thursday, February 17, 2011:

So, yeah … I am in love with this episode.  “The Dinner Party” now ranks with “The Return” and “Masquerade” as my favorite episode of the series.  (I can’t pick just one.)  Credit where credit is due: this episode was written by Andrew Chambliss, former Dollhouse scribe.  Bonus: I always get a kick out of it when the names of writers from Whedonverse shows come across my TV screen.  (No one is surprised by this admission.  In other news, I like the color pink.)  But seriously, does this show know how to treat me well, or what?  I mean Katherine got out of the tomb, Alaric slayed a frakking Original, there were FLASHBACKS, Elena slayed a frakking Original, slain Elijah still has the potential to become undead again (we looooove you, Elijah), Elena took control of her own damn life, and Lexi returned.  LEXI!  I’m beginning to suspect that the writers have been hijacking my dreams.  Or did I somehow figure out how to perform inception, and then decide to use my powers the good?  (Naaaah.  I would probably not use inception for good.)  And I haven’t even mentioned the AMAZING way that Elijah pronounced every single word.  Jennnnnaaaaaa.  Misssss Staaaaaaarr.  I mean, what do I have to do to get Daniel Gillies to record my voicemail?  Can that be like a real prize for some contest or something?  Or perhaps he could narrate some audiobooks, in character as Elijah?  Make it happen, TPTB.  Given the nature of the episode, I must return to my old (and super long) recap format, because the plot was all so connected, and the chronology is absolutely crucial.  So, on to the recap.  (But first, I will caution you that it is best to finish the entire sentence, paragraph, and even the WHOLE FRAKKING THING, before using my recap as your personal guide to killing Originals.  Don’t let Elena’s inevitable standardized testing scores happen to you.)  

We open on Elena reading Johnathan (I promise that I don’t spell his name this way because it brings me any personal joy) Gilbert’s journal.  Fade into flashback.  John Gilbert narrates as we see him in the company of Thomas [Fell?] and Honoria Fell.  It’s Honoria Fell, people!  But I must say that I was SORELY disappointed at her lack of snootiness.  I mean, we know all about the Fells.  It seems especially snooty of Honoria not even to deign to be snooty for our amusement.  How rude!  So these three members of the founding families think that they are safe.  Spoiler alert: they’re not!  Stefan arrives for payback, and he takes out all three, though not before another appearance of that pocket watch.  Remember that old thing?  It was the moonstone before moonstones were cool.  John’s VO says: “I saw the vampire who killed me.  I recognized me.  It was Stefan Salvatore.”  Um, so how did he write this?  Oh, right, the ring.  Or did he have the ring yet?  Is this known information?  If so, tell me in the comments.  [Update: @onlymystory clarified that Stefan later says that John did have the ring then. I didn't follow this due to all the mumbling. See update below.] Cut to present Elena, who looks up from the journal to see her boyfriend pacing the dock outside.  You know, the guy who killed her ancestor.  Don’t you hate it when it turns out that your boyfriend brutally killed your great-great-great-great-something?  Awkward.  Cue title card.

Stefan paces the dock some more, and then pensively skips rocks.  Oh, Dawson.  However, I must admit that Stefan is quite accomplished at rock-skipping.  I mean, he could probably enter a rock-skipping competition or something.  Oh, right, they don’t have those.  So I’m just glad that he has a hobby.  That’s so important for vampires, so as to curb their stalkerish tendencies.  Plus, at least one Salvatore had to be good at something in this episode.  (Don’t even get mad.  You know I’m right.  But don’t worry.  I’m sure the Salvatores’ glory moments are coming soon.)  Stefan’s rock-skipping is interrupted, however, when he gets a call from Damon.  Damon fills him in on Tyler running away from home: “Thus ending our werewolf chapter, bringing us to …”  Stefan: “Killing Elijah.”  The two remind the audience that he is very hard to kill blah blah blah an Original blah blah blah Damon has a magic dagger blah blah blah.  Also, Damon claims that he’s going to actually be careful for once, which I’ll believe when I see it … and I didn’t.  Damon: “Gotta run.  I’ve got a murder to plan.  Busy day.”  Ha!  Oh, Humperdinck.  Dawson Stefan then stands on the dock, thinking deep thoughts.

Meanwhile, Jenna takes a stroll with Elijah around the edge of the old Fell property.  At the mention of the Fells, Elijah retorts: “Ah, the Felllllls.  One of the founding families.”  See, Elijah knows that the Fells are snooty too.  Gauging his tone, Jenna asks, “Why do you say it like that?”  [And then I was momentarily distracted by Arielle Kebbel’s name flashing across the screen.  Lexi!]  Elijah: “My research showed me that this area was actually settled almost two full centuries earlier.  There was a migration of townsfolk from the Northeast.  Um, it was Salem, to be precise.”  Jenna: “Massachusetts? As in the witch trials?”  Elijah: “Which means that the ever-lauded founding families didn’t actually found anything.”  Ha!  Elijah, I love you!  I think I need that quote stitched on a pillow.  Perfection.  Jenna’s highly sophisticated reply? “Well, I bet it was the men who made a big deal about being founders back in 1860.  Men are very territorial.”  Wow, Jenna, I really hope that your dissertation doesn’t have anything to do with gender, because you just went Katherine-Heigl-Rom-Com on us with your sharp analysis of history.  Elijah concedes, “Yes they are.”  And then the reason for this ridiculous exchange appears, as Alaric conveniently walks up.  Speaking of territorial … hey!  We get what you just did there, Show.  Sigh.  I mean, it’s not like Alaric’s there because … I don’t know … HIS GIRLFRIEND IS OUT FOR A WALK WITH A DEADLY VAMPIRE.  Oh, never mind.

Jenna introduces Alaric as her “friend.”  Really, Jenna?  Chunky monkey sleepovers, and then one tiny conversation with John, whom you supposedly HATE, and Alaric is suddenly just your “friend”?  Way harsh.  Alaric explains his presence (not that I EVER need an explanation for more Alaaaaaric): “Yeah, I got your message about walking Elijah here along the old property lines.  I thought I’d tag along, you know, being a history buff and all.  Where to next?”  I think it’s really sweet that Alaric was so concerned about Jenna’s safety, even if the viewers don’t really care about her character.  And that he’s brave enough to stand toe-to-toe with Elijah, THE SCARIEST AND MOST FORMIDABLE CHARACTER ON THIS SHOW.  If you had to guess which one of these two men killed the other at this point, which one would you have chosen?  (I chose right!  You probably didn’t.  Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah.  Team Alaric is always the right choice.)  Elijah says he’s curious about the freed slave property owners, and I am amazed that the show is once again acknowledging slavery (the first time was in reference to the old Lockwood property earlier this season).  Elijah adds, “Some say that the descendants of the slaves are the true keepers of American history.”  Hmmm … so how does this relate to Elijah’s interests?

After some town-history-related excuse sends Jenna off to her car, Alaric and Elijah are left alone.  Elijah pronounces Alaaaaaric’s name in his Elijah-rific tones, and declares, “You’re one of those people on Elena’s list of loved ones to protect.”  Awwww.  That’s sweet that he made the list.  Love.  Alaric pointedly replies, “Yeah, so is Jenna.”  Elijah: “You don’t have to be jealous.  I don’t really pursue younger women.  [Pause.]  It’s a joke, Ric.  Lighten up.”  Ha!  Elijah pats him on the arm and walks off.  Is it too late to make Elijah and Klaus identical twins who hate each other?  I mean, Daniel Gillies knows how to play a vampire.  He should give lessons.

Meanwhile, Jeremy meets up with Bonnie at the Grill, the scene of yesterday’s witch-roofie crime.  Bonnie says it was a tough spell last night (you know, forcing Luka to divulge secrets that will probably get him killed) and it drained her.  She needs practice.  Jeremy jumps on this as a chance to practice sex spells, and invites her to come over to “practice.”  She agrees.  Then Luka approaches, all pissed off, and he wants to know what happened the day before.  He doesn’t remember anything between meeting Bonnie at the Grill, and then waking up in a bathroom stall.  Bonnie says that she just brought him a coffee and they played pool.  When Luka pushes the issue, Jeremy stands up and gets all tough and in his face.  Aw, Jeremy almost seems grown-up.  Bonnie looks a little concerned and possibly guilty … but who knows?

At the lake house, Stefan comes inside from the dock.  I guess he didn’t want to get Rock-Skipping Elbow.  I hear it’s a bitch.  He finds Elena reading Johnathan Gilbert’s journal.  She asks if he’s still mad, and he confirms that he still is.   Elena tries to reason with him: “We have a difference of opinion, Stefan.  We’re not always gonna agree on everything.”  Stefan: “Elena, you’ve agreed to sacrifice yourself to Klaus.  To say that we have a difference of opinion is the understatement of the century.”  Elena: “You would know.”  Hee.  Is it wrong that I find bickering Stefan and Elena kind of hilarious?  Stefan changes the subject and asks what Johnathan Gilbert has to say.  Elena: “A lot.  It’s insane, the things he wrote in his journal, what he kept from the founding families.  Stuff that no one knows.  Stuff that you’ve never told me.”  Dun dun dun.  Then she looks down, instead of declaring, “You killed my great-great-great-great-whatever!”  Stefan picks up the journal and takes a look at the page she was on.  Apparently, she is still on the same page where Stefan killed Johnathan?  If only Elena read faster, so much of this episode could be avoided.  Sigh.  Stefan tries to explain his violent ways: “We were uh … we were angry at the founding families for what they did to Katherine.  We wanted revenge.  I didn’t know about Johnathan Gilbert turning yet.  I didn’t know that he would … that he would survive.” Wait, did Stefan say that Johnathan TURNED?  If so: BRAND NEW AND EXCITING INFORMATION.  Or did I just hear that wrong, and he said “returning,” as in an awkward way to say “coming back to life from the ring”? [Update: Yeah, I misheard due to excessive mumbling. @onlymystory tweeted: "when it sounds like Stefan said he turned, he said 'I didn't know about Johnathan Gilbert's ring yet.'"] Elena: “He described you as a monster.”  Stefan: “That’s what I was.  I want you to know the truth, but I want you to hear it from me.”

Cut to a flashback.  Stefan VO says: “In the weeks after I became a vampire, I relished in it.  I took it to the darkest place I could.”  We see Vampire Stefan hanging out with a bunch of slightly disheveled and partially undressed ladies, as a piano plays.  Stefan asks, “Who wants to die next?”  The girls fight over the honor.  Blech.  The “fun” is ruined, however, when Damon comes in and is angry about what he sees. Damon is nervous about the founding families hunting them, but Stefan tells him not to worry.  Damon is still not convinced, and proceeds to compel the women to leave.  Stefan whines, and says that he was just having fun.  Damon: “Staying alive is more fun, Stefan.  We have to be more careful than this—more clever, like Katherine was.”  Stefan: “Look where that got her.”  Well, NOT dead in a fire, gullible one.  Damon declares “I’m done here.  With you.  I’m leaving town.”  Stefan tries to convince his brother to stay, promising that he’ll do better.  Damon: “No, you will get us killed.  I’d rather leave you to do that to yourself.”   Present Stefan VO states: “I wasn’t myself then.  I was filled with guilt: what I did to my father, to my brother.  I had to turn it off.  It was the only way I could survive.”  Cut back to the present, where Elena says, “It sounds like you were Damon.”  Stefan: “I was worse.”

Later, at the Grill, Damon wonders if Alaric got anything out of Elijah.  Alaric: “It was boring.  Of course, Jenna thinks he’s charming.”  Um, because SHE HAS A PULSE.  Actually, scratch that.  You don’t even need a pulse to find Elijah charming.  Damon thinks that Alaric must be jealous and Andie agrees, and the two rib Alaric a little.  Alaric notes to Damon that maybe they shouldn’t talk about such things at that moment, since Andie is there.  Damon: “Andie?  She’s been compelled not to divulge my secrets, haven’t you?”  Andie replies in baby talk, “My lips are sealed,” and the two kiss.  Blech.  I really hope that there is more going on with the Andie character than Damon knows, or else that she has some sweet revenge later.  Alaric: “This is too weird.”  Damon is just waiting for the right opportunity to kill Elijah, when one falls right in his lap: Elijah and Jenna enter the Grill.  Damon snarks, “Ah, there’s Jenna with her new boyfriend.”   The two walk over and Damon continues to torture Alaric by saying, “So I hear you two had quite the meeting of historical minds today.”  Ha!  Jenna is no better, as she pointedly says, “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”  Alaric tries to exit gracefully, with the excuse of papers to grade, but then Andie offers up the idea of a dinner party.  Damon would be happy to host, and everyone agrees to attend.  Hurrah!  I have a feeling that a dinner party will be even more exciting than a tea party.  (And it totally is!)

Sometime later, Damon goes down to the tomb to see Katherine.  Reminder: the seal is totally down, because of the Martin warlock mojo.  Katherine is only stuck because Elijah compelled her.  Our Katherine is not looking her best, but Damon feeds her some blood and she begins to look like her undead self again.  Damon also brought her clothes, which confused me.  Didn’t he put her in that tomb instead of killing her because he wanted her to suffer for eternity?  Where do fresh outfits fit into the picture?  I guess he’s trying to put her in a good mood?  Weak bargaining chips, dude.  Katherine asks what he wants, and he fills her in about John coming back into town.  Katherine, of course, already knows all about that, but pretends that this is news.  Damon: “He told me this old wives’ tale about how to kill an Original.”  Katherine: “And you wanna know if it’s true?  If it was, I wouldn’t tell you.”  Damon: “Now why not?  You want Elijah and Klaus dead as much as I do.”  Katherine: “Klaus: yes.  Elijah: no.  He’s compelled me to stay in here.  If he dies, I’m stuck forever.”  And it was at this point that I figured out that killing Elijah was all Katherine’s plan, and that this was her ticket out of the tomb.  Damon, sadly, has not really learned much in the past 146 years, however, and he totally buys this.  Oh, Damon, really?  Damon: “Sucks for you.”  Katherine continues to play her part: “Forget it, Damon.  Killing Elijah would be a suicide mission.  You can’t do it.”  Damon: “Can so.”  Katherine: “Can’t.”  Damon: “Even with a dagger and a little white oak ash?”  Katherine pretends to be shocked at this revelation: “No, Damon, if you kill Elijah, then I’m stuck in here forever.”  Damon is thrilled by this: “You look really scared.”  Oh, Damon, Katherine is a talented actress.  Have you learned NOTHING?  I mean, honestly, at this point, Damon deserves all the grief that Katherine puts him through.  I’m just EMBARRASSED for him.  Katherine “begs” and tries to negotiate: “Just get me out of here first.  And then I’ll help you.  I’ll help you kill Elijah or protect Elena—whatever you want!”  Damon: “I get you out of here, and your ass is sipping Klaus-free margaritas on some unknown island somewhere.  No way.”  Mmmm … margaritas.  Katherine insists that this is not the case, and promises that she would stay.  I don’t even understand why a debate is even going on.  Is Damon somehow not angry at Katherine anymore?   He no longer wants her eternally suffering or dead?  There is suddenly some possibility that he might trust her to help?  Sigh.  I knew the Salvatores couldn’t handle this Katherine situation, despite their bravado.  Damon declares, “Well thank you, you’ve told me everything I need to know.”  So smug, yet so wrong.  Katherine argues, “I’ve told you nothing.”  Damon: “You have.  You have indeed confirmed that it is possible to kill an Original, which I will do tonight.  Guess who’s coming to dinner.”

Back at the lake house, Stefan continues to tell Elena about his monstrous past: “For weeks I kept spiraling, completely driven by the desire for blood.  Hunt, prey, kill—it was all I knew.”  Elena wonders what why no one caught on.  Apparently she forgot the rules of living on a Hellmouth: no one ever catches on.  Stefan explains that there was a war going on.  Yeah, that would be convenient for vampires.

Cut to a flashback, as Stefan makes his way through a camp full of wounded soldiers.  He sees a hooded figure walking through the woods and follows.  But when he attacks, the hooded figure quickly overpowers him, and asks, “What kind of an idiot are you?”  Lexi!  The Stefan VO narrates, “Alexia Branson, as she was known back then.”  Cut to the present, where Elena is shocked.  I mean, I guess I would be surprised if my boyfriend met his best friend while picking through a camp of wounded Confederate soldiers too.  Elena asks how Lexi ended up in Mystic Falls, and Stefan explains: “She had heard that it was a good place for vampires to go.  Had no idea that they’d all been massacred.  Needed a place to crash, so I brought her home with me.”

Cut back to the flashback.  As Stefan and Lexi enter his house, she says, “I’d say it is unnecessary to take me in, but you did try to eat me, and with dawn coming, beggars can’t be choosers.”  But when she witnesses the state of his living situation—dead bodies galore—she has second thoughts: “Or should they be?”  Stefan has the grace to look a little embarrassed: “I um I meant to dispose of those.”  Lexi: “My god, you’re a ripper.”  Stefan is confused: “A what?”  Lexi explains: “There are good parts of being a vampire, and there are bad parts.  You’re the bad parts.  Well … we’re going to have to change that.”  Back in the present, Elena asks if he’s okay.  Stefan nods.  “Talking about her brings up things that I’d uh rather forget.”  Elena twists the knife: “Like Damon killing her.”  First of all: the least tactful thing Elena could EVER say right at this exact point.  Seriously?  Second, OMG, I had just started to forget about that, Elena!  And now I am reminded that I have never really been able to really forgive Damon for that act.  Yes, I know that I have serious issues.  But, I mean, it’s LEXI!

Meanwhile, preparation for the dinner party is in full swing.  As Andie and Jenna set the table, Andie asks her friend about the “tension” between her and Alaric.  Jenna: “I don’t know.  I really like him.  It’s more than like.  And I want it to work.  But I can’t help but feel that he’s hiding something from me.  And then I’ve got John whispering things in my ear about him.”  Andie asks, “Like what?”  Jenna: “Things I don’t wanna believe.  Things I don’t believe—not if they’re coming from John’s mouth.”  Andie: “Oh, well there you go then.  Trust is the key to any relationship.  I mean, I am so grateful that Damon tells me everything.”  Blech.  Also, is it just me, or is Jenna like totally in love with John?  Why does she let him get to her so much?  And it’s not even like he actually gave any details.  What possible truth is she so worried about?

Elsewhere at Casa Salvatore, Damon and Alaric discuss the night ahead.  Alaric notes, “This is a bad idea.”  it ususally is.  Damon, pouring a drink, replies: “There’s no such thing as a bad idea.  Just poorly executed awesome ones.”  I beg to differ.  Damon offers a drink to Alaric, and SHOCK OF ALL SHOCKS, Alaric refuses.  I guess he’s not such an alcoholic.  He can stay sober when trying to save his girlfriend’s life.  He is pretty nervous for Jenn’s sake: “You know, I don’t like the idea of Elijah being in the same house with Jenna.”  Damon assures him, “Jenna’s perfectly safe.  Besides, it’s just a fact-finding mission.  It’s totally harmless.”  Alaric knows Damon, so he is not convinced: “Just a fact finding mission?  Listen, no sneak attacks.  No surprise plans.  Nothing that’s gonna put Jenna in harm’s way.”  Damon lies, “Scouts honor.”

Then Andie comes in and says that Jenna needs help with the wine.  Alaric leaves, and Damon and Andie are left alone.  Damon pulls out the dagger, and when Andie asks what it is, Damon says: “Dessert.  Elijah’s stronger than me.  He’s faster than me.  It’s all about the element of surprise.”  Andie: “Oh, that’s too bad.  I like him.  He’s very old-school classy.”  We agree, Andie.  Damon: “Which is why you should encourage the gentleman to take their after-dinner drinks in here, while you do coffee in the kitchen with the girls.”  Andie: “That is a little too sexist for me.”  Damon: “Stop talking.”  Oh, yeah, Damon, you really love her spunk.  Shut up.

Then John shows up!  Jenna brats, “Who invited him?”  See?  Soooo obsessed with him.  Damon: “John!  Surprise!  Leave!”  John: “When Jenna said she was coming to a dinner party for Elijah, I decided that I couldn’t miss out on all the fun and games.”  Alaric: “There aren’t going to be any games tonight, John.  It’s just a friendly dinner party.”  John: “Right.” Damon puts his hands up, playing innocent: “What he said.”

Meanwhile, at the Gilbert house, Bonnie arrives, babbling about being hungry.  Then she takes a look around and sees the room full of candles.  She realizes what Jeremy had in mind: “Oh god.  This is a date.”  Jeremy tries to back-peddle: “No no.  It’s not a like a date date.  It’s more of a ‘hey, I kissed you and I thought that you liked it, um … hang thing’.”  Bonnie: “Jeremy, I need to make sure that Elena’s cool with us before anything else happens.”  Jeremy is not pleased by this, but Bonnie reminds him that Elena is her best friend.  Hello, GIRL CODE!   Jeremy: “All right.  All right, so we’ll hang out, eat some food, work on some spells.  It’s not a big deal.  But you did … you did like it, right?”  Aw, Jeremy is so sweet and vulnerable here.  I foresee a crushed heart.  I’m just evil like that.  Bonnie admits, “Yeah, I liked it.”  She smiles, and while it’s not exactly her sex smile, it’s getting there.

Cut to Elijah showing up on Damon’s doorstep.  Hurrah!  I mean, who else got really excited at this point?  Damon is all politeness: “Good evening.  Thank you for coming.  Please, come in.”  I like the effect that Elijah has on people.  Elijah wants to settle something first: “Just one moment.  Can I just say that if you have uh less than honorable intentions about how this evening is going to proceed, I suggest you reconsider.”  Damon lies: “No, nothing … nothing dishonorable.  Just uh getting to know you.”  Elijah: “Well that’s good, because you know, our little Elena and I have this deal: if you so much as make a move to cross me, I’ll kill you, and I’ll  kill everyone in this house.  Are we clear?”  Damon: “Crystal.”  And then there is one of my favorite Elijah moments EVER, as he enters the house: “Jennnnnnnaaaaaa!  So nice to see you again!  You look incredible!”  It was all in the delivery.  Oh, Elijah, I love you so much.

We then cut to a short time later, as the guests are seated, and the dinner party is in full swing.  Jenna snarks, “I hate to break it to you, Damon, but according to Elijah, your family is sooooo not a founder of this town.”  Ha!  Damon: “Hmmm, do tell.”  Elijah explains: “Well, as I mentioned to Jenna earlier, a faction of settlers migrated from Salem after the witch trials in the 1690s.  Over the next hundred years, they developed this community where they could feel safe from the persecution.”  Jenna: “Because they were witches.”  Andie: “No, there’s no tangible proof that there were witches in Salem.” Damon proudly remarks: “Andie’s a journalist.  BIG on facts.”  Elijah: “Well, the lore says that there was this wave of anti-witch hysteria.  It broke out in the neighboring settlement, so these witches were rounded up.  They were tied to stakes in a field together and burned.  Some say that you could hear the screams from miles around as they were consumed by the fire.”  OMG, did we just figure out why the witches owe vampires?  Why so many of them work to help the vamps?  Could it be because the vampires saved the witches that day?  Perhaps struck a bargain with them that has lasted centuries?  I AM SO EXCITED BY THIS IDEA!  Jenna cautions, “I wouldn’t repeat this to the historical society.”  I absolutely love the irony of that statement.  So true to life and history.  John is a party pooper, however: “It’s starting to sound a little like a ghost story to me.”  No one asked you, John.  Shhhhh.  Elijah was talking.  Damon asks, “So, why do you want to know the location of these alleged massacres?”  Elijah: “I don’t know.  A healthy historian’s curiosity, of course.”  Damon: “Of course.”  Oooh, does the curse have to be broken on that specific site?  Does this explain why so many supernatural elements were drawn to Mystic Falls?  Its Hellmouth-like properties?  Gaaaaah!  So many theories …

Meanwhile, Elena continues to slowly read the journal, and tell Stefan about it: “Johnathan Gilbert got crazier and crazier.  I guess that’s what happens when you spend your life obsessed with vampires.  [Long pause as she reads more.]  He researched the Originals.  Later in life.  Pages and pages of questions and scribbles.  [Sees something.]  What’s that?  ‘The wood from one tree and one tree alone, an ancient white oak, would bring death to an original vampire.  When the tree burned, all hope was thought lost.’  He was trying to figure out how to kill an original.  [Stefan looks away, possibly guiltily.]  ‘But the ash from the tree was saved, and witches forged a dagger to which the ash could be bonded.  This alchemic bond provides the necessary poison that …’”  Stefan tries to interrupt, but Elena says: “I wonder if this is true.  I mean, do you think this dagger actually exists?”  Stefan admits: “I know it does, because John gave it to Damon.”  Elena is surprised, but she continues reading: “It must be brandished by humans alone for it will bring death to all demons who wield it.”  Dun dun dun.  Stefan realizes, “John is trying to get Damon killed.”  Kind of a good plan, Uncle John, I must admit.  I guess he attended the dinner party for a front row seat to the death of both Elijah and Damon.

Back at the dinner party, Damon asks if anyone would care for some cognac.  Alaric begs off. Again, I am SHOCKED.  He explains: “None for me thanks.  Nine bottles of wine is my limit.”  MY NEW MOTTO FOR LIFE.  I will paint it above my doorway, and add it to my family arms and stuff.  (No, I don’t really have family arms.  Whatever.)

Stefan tries to call Damon, but can’t get through.  Elena asks what’s going on.  He fills in the missing piece: “Damon is planning on killing Elijah.  Tonight.”  Dun dun dun.  Well maybe if you had told her this earlier, Stefan, Elena might have read a little faster.  Hmph.

Cut to the dinner party.  Andie: “The gentlemen should take their drinks in the study.”  Elijah notes: “I have to say, the food was almost as wonderful as the company.”  Andie: “I like you.”  Don’t we all?  As people get up, Jenna tells John: “You’re not a gentleman.  Make yourself useful.”  See what I mean?  Jenna is SO obsessed with John.  Alaric tries to talk to his “friend”: “Jenna, please, put me to work.”  She doesn’t want his help, and when he asks her if she’s okay, she says she’s fine.  Sigh.  When she leaves the room, John tells Alaric, “I suspect this is my fault.”  Alaric: “What did you do now?”  John: “I merely mentioned that you haven’t been completely honest with her about your dead wife.”  Alaric gets a little physical: “You son of a bitch!”  John: “I think I’ve been very clear with you, Ric.  I want my ring back.”  Grrrrr.  John then walks off, and Alaric has the sense to pick up his phone when Stefan calls.  Calling Alaric solves so many problems.  People should do it more often.

Meanwhile, in the study (library?), Damon and Elijah commence after-dinner drinks.  This should be fun.  Damon: “So let me guess, in addition to the moonstone, the doppelgänger, the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe, you need to find this witch burial ground.”  Elijah: “Because I feel like we’ve grown so close, Damon, I’ll tell you yes.  Do you know where it is?”  Oooh, so is this confirmation that the locale is for breaking the curse?  Or could it have another purpose?  Damon is as curious as me: “Maybe.  Tell me why it’s so important.”  Elijah: “We’re not that close.”  The Original then admires Damon’s library: “This is quite a collection you have here.  A funny thing about books.  Before they existed, people actually had memories.”  Is this an indication that Elijah might be older than books?  That would have to make him really old—though I guess it depends on how one defines “books.”  But, I mean, people started writing stuff down a pretty loooooong time ago.  Could Elijah really be that old?  Damon then starts to pick up the dagger, but Alaric and Andie interrupt just in time.  Andie: “Eliiiiiijaaaaah.”  Elijah: “Miss Staaaaarr.”  Love love love.  The two exit, adorably.  And then, brace yourselves, because someone on this show actually pays attention to vampire rules when it really matters.  Alaric proves how smart he is, and rather than blab to Damon about his recent phone call, so that Elijah could conveniently overhear, he writes it down on a piece of paper: “The dagger will kill you if you use it.”  I looooooove you, Alaric.  *Swoon*  Possibly my favorite part of the whole episode.  (Oh, who am I kidding?  The best is yet to come.)

At the dinner table, Jenna apologizes for how long dessert is taking and heads to the kitchen.  Andie wants to know more about the work Elijah’s doing, and Elijah says he would love to tell her.  Alaric and Damon have joined them at this point, and Andie asks Alaric to go grab the notebook from her bag.  This seems slightly odd, and I wonder if this was to facilitate what happens later.  Or if there is possibly more going on with Andie.  Hmmm.  Damon: “Elijah, did John tell you that he’s Elena’s uncle slash father?”  Elijah: “Yes, I’m well aware of that.”  Damon: “Of course, she hates him, so there’s absolutely no need to keep him on the endangered species list.”  Hee.  Meanwhile, Alaric is having trouble finding the notebook, so Andie gets up to help.  Elijah, Damon, and John are left alone at the table.  John asks, “What I’d like to know, Elijah, is how you intend on killing Klaus.”  Elijah: “Gentlemen, there’s a few things we should probably get clear right now.  [Points his fork towards Damon.]  I allow you to live solely to keep an eye on Elena.  I allow Elena to remain in her house living her life with her friends as she does as a courtesy.  If you become a liability, I’ll take her away from you.  You’ll never see her again.”  Well then.

Then Andie returns to the table, and just as she starts to ask her first question, STAB!  Oh, what was that?  Just Alaric slaying a vampire.  Like he does.  You know, AN ORIGINAL VAMPIRE.  With the magic Original-killing dagger.  Gruesome.  Intense.  Awesome.  Alaric slams the dagger on the table and tells Damon: “Now get rid of him.  Before Jenna comes back with dessert.”  Now that is why Alaric is my TV-boyfriend.  All others to the left, please.

Back at the lake house, Elena and Stefan have a heart-to-heart on the deck.  Stefan wants to talk.  Elena: “What good is talking if you and Damon are just gonna lie to me?  If you don’t like my decisions, that’s fine.  There’s nothing I can do about that.  But if you ever go behind my back again, I’ll …”  Stefan: “You’re gonna what?  What are you gonna do, Elena?”  Elena: “It’s my life.”  Stefan: “Yeah, exactly.  It’s your life.  And I’m gonna do everything I can to make sure that you live it.”  Elena: “So what, this this … this trip through the past, you being honest, was there any truth to it?  Or were you just distracting me?”  Stefan: “I was telling you about a time when I thought that everything was lost.  When I had given up.  Because that is exactly what you’re doing right now.”  Elena protests, but Stefan insists that he is right:  “Even if you don’t want to admit it right now, you are giving up.  And Lexi, she wouldn’t let me give up.  I’m not gonna let you.”

Flashback!  Lexi teaches Stefan the value of feeling human emotions.  Wow.  Well, we have that answer.  The two walk through the camp again.  Lexi: “All of these men are dead or dying.  What does that make you feel?”  Stefan: “Nothing.  I feel nothing.”  Lexi: “Because you shut off the part of you that was human.  The part that lets you feel.”  Stefan: “Isn’t that the point?”  Lexi: “Well, there is a better way.  You simply have to want it.”  Stefan: “Is it better?”  Um, she just said it was.  Pay attention, Stefan!  Lexi explains: “Not at first.  You can’t choose what you feel.  You have to let it all back in: the pain, the look in their eyes when you took their life, the cries of their loved ones.”  Stefan asks the obvious question: “Why would I want to do that?”  Lexi: “Because when you can hurt, you can love.  Love, Stefan, that’s the point.  Everything is intensified when you’re a vampire.  When we hurt, we really hurt.  But when we love …”

Cut to present Stefan, who tells Elena: “Lexi showed me that there was another way.  And from that day forward, I started fighting for it, for my own survival.  That’s all I want you to do.  I just want you to fight for it.”  Elena is pensive.  I see both sides here.  I do.  And I like that Elena is being pushed to want to live, even though I don’t totally see what she’s been doing as “giving up.”  I think it’s way more complicated.  But I kind of wish that it wasn’t Stefan “teaching” her this “lesson.”  Couldn’t she come to this realization on her own?  Or perhaps with less hand-holding?  But I guess this is the benefit of having a century old vampire boyfriend: he has life experience that you can draw on.  Elena can learn from Stefan’s life experience.  Of course, the problem when you think about it this way is that the teenage girl and century-old vampire relationship starts to look pretty creepy.  Moving on …

Back at Casa Salvatore, Damon and Alaric brought Elijah’s body down to the dungeon.  Alaric is pissed: “You said there wasn’t going to be any violence.”  Damon: “Says the guy who did the killing.”  Ha!  Very reminiscent of “Blood Brothers.” Alaric may be wary of violence, but if the situation calls for it, he jumps right in.  Alaric is not amused, however: “Hey, I took the shot because I saw an opening, not because I planned to do this with Jenna in the house.  Now you can’t lie to me like that.”  Damon turns away, so Alaric grabs his shoulder: “Hey!  I am your friend, damn it.  And you don’t have any friends.  So no more lying.”  Awwww.  It is pretty amazing how far these two have come.  Also, how comfortable Alaric feels getting physical (not like that) with Damon.  He seems to implicitly trust that Damon won’t hurt him, even though he’s yelling at him.  Alaric feels comfortable enough to demand things from Damon.  It’s pretty awesome.  Of course, the man did just kill an Original, so what does he really have to fear?  (Well, besides the Original coming back to life because he took the magical dagger out.  Shhhhhh.  Let him have his moment!)

Back at the lake house, Stefan just got off the phone, and he tells Elena: “Elijah’s dead.  Alaric did it.”  Elena continues to read the journal … at the same snail’s pace: “The Originals believed in truth and honor.  It was forbidden for a vampire to kill another vampire.  So the dagger would take both lives.  And as long as the dagger stays in place, the Original is for all intents and purposes dead.”  Stefan rushes to call Damon.  Siiiiigh.  Yeah, that information would have been helpful EARLIER.  Elena would not make it in the Sunnydale Scooby Gang with those research skills.  Finish the whole paragraph about the dagger before you let people go off half-cocked, please.  I think Mystic Falls High School needs better teachers.  Sorry, Mr. Saltzman.

Cut to a very much alive Elijah, arriving at Dr. Martin’s place.  He orders: “I need you to find Elena.  Now.”  Uh oh.

Meanwhile, Jeremy and Bonnie explore the magical world of “channeling.”  In front of a roaring fire.  Not a date date, riiiiiight.  They are startled by a noise, however, and Dr. Martin burst in.  Jeremy stands up: “What the hell are you doing here?”  Dr. Martin breezily and quickly pins Jeremy to the wall with magic.  Then he addresses Bonnie: “What did my son tell you?  What did he tell you?”  Bonnie: “About your daughter.  I know Klaus has her and I want to help you get her back.  But I want us to work together.”  Dr. Martin then cryptically states, “This is for your own good,” and performs some kind of witchy mojo on her.  Bonnie struggles, but she is overpowered and in pain.  Dr. Martin threatens, “If any harm comes to my son because of what you did, you will answer to me.”  Then he leaves, and Jeremy comforts the crying Bonnie.  He asks her what happened.  Bonnie sobs, “He took my powers.”  Wow.  He can do that?

At the lake house, Elijah arrives.  He slowly walks down the driveway and picks up some rocks.  In lieu of knocking, he does his little coin trick from “Katerina,” but with rocks, breaking down the door.  Inside, Elena tells Stefan that she needs to talk to Elijah alone.  Elijah: “You know, I might not be able to enter this house, but I’m a very patient man.  I’ll wait you out.”  I believe him.  Elena walks forward, and says, “They shouldn’t have done what they did.”  Elijah is not appeased: “The deal is off.”  Elena: “I’m renegotiating.”  Elijah: “You have nothing left to negotiate with.”  Elena pulls out a knife: “I’d like to see you lure Klaus into Mystic Falls after the doppelgänger bleeds to death.”  Elijah doesn’t take her threat seriously: “Stefan won’t let you die.”  Elena: “No he won’t.  He’ll feed me his blood to heal me, and then I’ll kill myself and become a vampire, just like Katherine did.  So unless you want that to happen again, promise me the same as before.  Promise me that you won’t harm anyone that I love, even if they’ve harmed you.”  Elijah: “I’m sorry, Elena.  I’m going to have to call your bluff.”  But Elena wasn’t bluffing we learn, as she soon stabs herself in the stomach.  Whoa.  Elijah freaks and promises her a deal.  Elena insists that he give her his word, and once he does, she steps outside … and STABS him.  With the magical Original-killing dagger!  Whoa.  Elena just killed Elijah.  ELENA WINS THE EPISODE!  Stefan then rushes to give her blood, and Damon steps out from inside the house: “Little tip: Don’t pull the dagger out.”  YEAH, DAMON, WE ALREADY GOT THAT, THANKS.  But seriously, wow, Elena!  Elena the Vampire Slayer.  I like it.

Then we cut to Jenna and Alaric in what I think is the Gilbert kitchen.  Alaric asks where John ran off to, and I think that Alaric should stop enabling Jenna’s John-obsession.  Jenna: “Maybe the same place the rest of the dinner party else ran off to.”  Ha!  So, you noticed that?  Alaric starts to apologize, but Jenna interrupts: “What happened to Isobel?”  Uh oh.  Alaric: “You know, John should have never brought that up.”  Jenna: “That’s not an answer.”  Alaric: “He’s trying to stir up trouble.”  Jenna: “That’s not an answer either.”  Uh oh.  However, we already knew that Alaric was a bad liar from “Masquerade,” so really, it is a miracle that the two have lasted this long.  Alaric: “I can’t talk about this, Jenna.”  Jenna: “I keep thinking that maybe it’s me.  Maybe I’m reading into things.  I should trust you.  That’s what a relationship’s about, right?  But then I think that maybe John is right and maybe you’re not being honest with me.  So, are you being honest?”  Alaric clamps his mouth tight and doesn’t reply.  Oh, Alaaaaaric.  Jenna has some tears streaming down her face at this point and she says: “Right.  Okay.  That was an answer.”

After Jenna leaves the room, John comes in.  Probably waiting outside, so as to perfectly time his entrance.   “Well that was awkward.”  Oh, John, I wouldn’t.  The man just killed an Original.  And I mean, he didn’t stay dead, but that’s beside the point.  John: “You know, I can clear up all this stuff about Isobel tomorrow if you want.  Or not.”  Alaric looks like he’s stopping himself from crying and otherwise expressing a million emotions, and my heart breaks for him.  He takes off the ring and puts it on the counter.  “You want it?  Take it.  It’s yours.  And after what you did to Damon, you’re gonna need it more than me.”  Noooooo!  Alaric must have his ring!  I am now terrified!  But I’m also a little confused.  What is Alaric’s motivation here?  Jenna already seems to have ended things because he can’t be truthful.  So preventing John from telling Jenna the truth doesn’t change anything between Alaric and Jenna, right?  Unless he comes up with a really good lie, which he is basically incapable of.  Plus, it isn’t like what happened to Isobel implicates Alaric as a bad guy in any way.  If Jenna learns the truth, she’ll learn that Alaric was the perfect husband, and the one done wrong.  Or does he somehow think that with John staying silent, he has a chance to repair things with Jenna?  Also important to note is that if Jenna knows about this supernatural stuff, then that makes her a threat and a target.  So, is Alaric protecting Jenna, by handing over the ring?  Putting her life above his own?  But then couldn’t he just have Damon compel her to forget after John tells her the truth, and thus keep his ring?  I just don’t really get it.  How did you guys read this scene?

Meanwhile, Elijah’s body is brought back to the Salvatore dungeon.  Damon finds the moonstone in Elijah’s pocket, and says that he’ll hold onto it.  No one questions this.  Gah!  Just don’t leave it with Katherine this time, genius.  Elena: “You know, you guys want me to fight, fine I’ll fight.  But if were gonna do this, you can’t keep stuff from me anymore.  From this moment on, we’re doing it my way.”  But I really want Elena to fight because she wants to fight, not because these boys want her to.  Gaaaaaah!  Still, I LOVE that she is taking control.  Love love love.  Damon: “Seems fair.”  Stefan: “Okay.”  Elena: “Okay.”  She leaves.  Damon: “Seems like she’s had a change of attitude.  How’d you get through to her?”  Stefan: “Told her a little story about how when I was making the wrong decisions and someone showed me there was a better way.”  Damon: “Lexi.”  Stefan: “Yeah.  You remember her?”  Oooh, we’re still mad about that, Damon.

And speaking of Lexi … cut to a flashback.  Past Lexi asks Past Damon, “Going somewhere?”  Damon: “You must be the vampire I hear my brother complaining about.”  Lexi: “That would be me.  And you must be the brother who hates him.”  Damon: “We’re at irreparable odds.”  Ha!  I love pre-awesome-chick-killer Damon.  He’s kind of like pre-vampire Spike.  Do you think he writes poetry?  I hope he does.  Lexi warns him: “You know the hate you’re feeling—towards Stefan, towards everyone—you think you have it under control, but you don’t.  It will get the best of you.”  Damon simply replies, “Help him.  He needs it.”  Awww, he loves his brother even though he’s a monster.  Lexi: “I’ll help him.”  Lexi, we looooove you.  Come back soon!

Back in the present, Damon arrives home to find Katherine in his shower.  Called it!  As Damon stares, pretty much the most perfect song for this scene plays: “Little miss Katherine, I feel swell.  O-o-o-oh well.”  Hee.  Damon asks, “How did you get out?”  Geez, you STILL haven’t figured it out?  Sigh.  Katherine: “I knew that if I begged you not to kill Elijah, that’s exactly what you’d do.  Little known fact: Originals can compel vampires, but as soon as they die, compulsion wears off.”  Damon: “And you knew.”  Katherine: “And I’m still here.  I didn’t run.  I meant what I said, Damon.  I’m going to help you.  So, how ‘bout that robe?”  But who actually wants Katherine’s “help”?  Um, not me.  I mean, I LOVE the lady, but I think I’d pass.  Any guesses on how many more times Katherine will completely fool Damon?  Or can you just not count that high?

So, that was it.  Next week promises Katherine-filled awesomeness.  I. CANNOT. WAIT.  And don’t you love that the writers figured out a way to have two characters awesomely kill Elijah, while still leaving the door open for Elijah’s bad-ass return?  Perfection.  Rest in peace, Elijah … until your inevitable return.  We will always remember your hair:

*Video by LightNeverFades.

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