THE VAMPIRE DIARIES: “Miss Mystic Falls”

Photo Credit: Bob Mahoney/The CW.

Read on for my detailed recap & commentary for The Vampire Diaries 1×19, aired April 22nd, 2010.

In this episode, Stefan had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  I mean, he didn’t get gum in his hair, or trip on a skateboard, or get smushed into a middle seat, but things are not going so well for the eternal teenager.  Instead of contemplating a move to Australia, however, he was forced into human blood detox by his girlfriend and brother.  Of course, sticking Damon in the Salvatore basement worked out so wonderfully in “You’re Undead to Me,” so this should be the perfect solution to Stefan’s problems too.  But I am getting ahead of myself.  On to the recap …

We open on Stefan driving up to school in his gorgeous car.  It reminded me very much of the arrival of “Short-Dark-and-Handsome” in The Awakening.  Though Show-Stefan was not driving a black Porsche like Book-Stefan, he did exit his fancy car wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket.  Do you think his jacket is “Italian, as in Roma”?  Okay, I will stop amusing myself with book references, and continue the recap.  Elena walks up to greet her boyfriend in the parking lot, surprised that he’s back in school.  For those of you wondering why he is bothering to return, don’t forget that ostensibly he’s a seventeen year old kid.  He needs to be in school to keep up appearances.  Plus, Elena’s presence at school is probably a big draw, what with the whole eternal love thing.  Stefan tells Elena that he’s feeling great, and that it was time for him to “get back into things.”  Elena asks, “Does that mean you’re okay now?  I mean with all the cravings?”  He tells her that the “worst part is over” but we know that he lies.  He thanks her for her help getting through the “rough patch,” and I find his optimism hilarious.  Things are about to get rougher and patchier.  Elena notes that they need to get to class, and Stefan tells her that he’ll catch up with her, as he needs to grab his stuff.  This rather clunky plot device, of course, allows us to see the bags of blood (as in human blood from a blood bank) in his trunk.  Oooh, Stefan!  You are a lying liar who lies.  Cue the title card.

Meanwhile, at the Mystic Falls Founders Hall, Sheriff Forbes fills Damon and Uncle John about “a disturbance at the local blood bank.”  Side note: I have taken the lack of apostrophe in “Founders” on the building’s sign as an invitation to leave it out in my recap.  There is some tension between Damon and Uncle John, what with one being a vampire, and one working to kill vampires, but the two play nice for Sheriff Forbes’ benefit.  Uncle John suggests that he and Damon put their heads together to help with the pesky vampire problem, and Damon agrees, albeit unenthusiastically.  Damon: “John, whatever I can do to keep this town safe, even if it means spending time with you.”  As I have mentioned many times, Ian Somerhalder has chemistry with everyone, and David Anders is no exception.  Feel free to include more scenes between these two actors, Show.  Thanks.

Cut to Alaric teaching.  Swoon.  He announces to the class that they will be setting aside the usual curriculum for a lesson on local history, and he is less than pleased.  He quips: “Apparently the community leaders think that’s more important than World War II.  But hey, what do I know?”  Ha!  I love that Alaric is snarky about the town’s leaders and their need to shove the town’s history down the kids’ throats.  Bonnie enters class while Alaric is teaching, and he welcomes her.  Yes, Bonnie is back … but she doesn’t look too happy about it.  Stefan smiles at her when she sits down, but she decidedly does NOT.  Then Stefan is all hurt and offended.  Um, Stefan, you need to chill and stop making everything all about you.  Of course she is not thrilled to see one of the causes of her Grams’ death.  She is going to need to work through that.  Elena is also surprised that Bonnie is not happy to see them.  And I used to think that she was smart.  Sigh.

Meanwhile, Anna arrives at Casa Salvatore.  She’s there on behalf of her mother.  Damon: “On behalf of, or in spite of?”  Hehe.  She apologizes for what the vamps did to Stefan.  Damon is not so easily appeased: “You were playing house with half of a tomb of really pissed off vampires.  What did you think was gonna happen?”  Anna says that her mom is devastated, and that the other vamps tried to overthrow her.  The nerve!  He wonders why Pearl isn’t there herself, telling him this.  Anna: “She doesn’t really do apologies.”  Ha!  I love that about Pearl.  Damon: “Well, that’s a coincidence, because I don’t do forgiveness.  So just run along.  Now if you’re going to keep playing house with your little vampire pets, you might want to stop robbing the blood bank dry, because they’re on to it.”  She says that she hasn’t been to the local blood bank in over a week.  Uh oh.  Then who in the world could possibly be stealing that blood from the hospital?  I mean, I know I can’t possibly imagine.  Anna  also says that the other vamps took off, so now it’s just her and her mom, and Harper.  Awwww, Harper the nice vampire stayed.  He only kills random hikers in the wood for survival, he doesn’t support torture, so he’s a good vampire.  Sigh.  I worry about what this show does to my moral compass.  I really do.

Back at school, Elena tries to talk to Bonnie in the school yard, trying to reconnect with her friend.  Elena asks how she and her family are.  Bonnie: “We’re dealing. It’s been hard.”  Elena says that everyone there really missed her.  Bonnie says that she has had a lot to deal with after the funeral, and adds: “And honestly, after you told me the tomb spell failed, I just didn’t really want to come home.”  Honest communication!  On television!  Sound the trumpets and throw the confetti!  (And there’s even more of this new and shocking phenomenon later on.  I am just giddy about it.)  Elena: “I hope you understand why I called.  I wanted you to know before you came home.”  Bonnie: “I understand why, I just shouldn’t … know.”  Wow.

Caroline interrupts this heartfelt conversation, full of excitement.  She wants Bonnie to help her pick the perfect dress for the Founders Court.  (Again, I’m using no apostrophe in Founders.  According to the sign, I’m allowed.)  Apparently, the members of the court were announced today, and Elena and Caroline are both on it.  Elena is surprised, and says that she signed up so long ago that she completely forgot.  Caroline asks, oh so hopefully, whether Elena will be dropping out.  Elena says she can’t, and Bonnie explains, “Her mom was the one who wanted her to enter.”  Aw, Bonnie is such a good friend, guys.  Don’t be mad at her.

Later that day, Stefan arrives home from school and encounters his brother.  Damon asks how school was.  Stefan says it was fine, but Damon clearly doesn’t buy Stefan’s nonchalant act.  Stefan: “You’re making small talk.  Why?”  Damon: “You seem awfully chipper lately.  Less doom and gloom.  More pep in your step.”  Stefan: “And you think it’s because I drank human blood again?”  Hey, Stefan, you said it.  Damon: “I mean, I don’t want to brag, but I’d definitely take responsibility for this new and improved you.”  Of course he would.  Stefan: “I’d hate to burst your bubble, but I’m clean.”  Damon: “Not possible.”  Stefan: “Not only is it possible, but it’s quite true.”  Damon: “Stefan, let’s be serious.  You spent the last century and a half being a poster child for Prozac, and now you expect me to believe that this new you has nothing to do with human blood?  Nothing?”  Stefan: “I’m clean.”  Damon: “You’re lying!”  Stefan: “Believe what you want.”  Hmmm.  That is what you call a stand-off.  Side note: I had to look up how to spell “Prozac,” which I think is possibly a good sign for my mental health (or, more probably, not a good sign).  But then, once I typed in the correct spelling, I discovered that Prozac is built into my Word dictionary.  Really, Word?  With all the wonderful words you don’t recognize (words that are NOT brands), you will recognize the proper noun “Prozac”?  You confound me.  But back to the scene … Stefan is in some serious denial.  And why am I now in a position where I am on Damon’s side in a conversation?  This is alarming.

Elena calls Stefan to ask him to be her escort to the pageant, and he agrees.  We learn that Elena’s mom was very into the Founders stuff, and was even Miss Mystic in her day.  Of course, while Elena is innocently holding a bottle of water during this conversation, Stefan holds a bag of empty blood.  Ooh, Stefan, you’re so tricksy.  I guess you are a junkie, and this is an addiction storyline.  Le sigh.

Stefan stealthily disposes of the empty bag in a drawer.  Then he goes downstairs to a cooler full of human blood—blood clearly labeled as from the Mystic Falls blood bank.  Damon: “Well, well, well.  He’s a liar and a thief.”  Dramatic pause for commercial, and when we return, Damon asks when he was going to share.  Stefan tells him to help himself, but that’s not what Damon meant: “No, I’m talking about the fact that you’re a closet blood junkie.”  Stefan tries to act like it’s no big deal: “So I’m drinking blood again.  You’re the one who shoved it on me.  What’s your problem?  I have it under control.”  Damon echoes my sentiments: “Under control?  You robbed a hospital.”  Again, I am uncomfortable being on Damon’s side in a conversation, but I am.  Stefan: “So, what’s your point?”  Damon reminds him that they’re trying to keep a low profile, and sarcastically suggests that he walk up to Sheriff Forbes and ask her to tap a vein.  To Stefan’s credit, he doesn’t go that far in the ensuing episode … but he does something almost as bad.  Stefan points out that Damon is not exactly one to judge: “Have my actions negatively impacted you?  I can’t imagine what that must feel like.”  Ha!  Good point, Stefan.  Unfortunately, that is pretty much the last rational thing Stefan will say in this episode.  Damon wonders what Elena thinks about this, but Stefan says that Elena doesn’t need to know.  Damon: “You’ve been off the human stuff for years, Stefan.  If you’re having trouble controlling …”  Stefan cuts his brother off: “I’m not having any trouble.”  Sigh.  Damon: “Who do you think you’re talking to?  I know what it’s like.  That Jekyll and Hyde feeling.  There’s that switch, and sometimes it goes off and you snap.  Now is not a good time for me to worry about you snapping.”  Well, as long as your motivation is purely … selfish.  Stefan: “I know that it pains you to see this, but I’m fine.  So please, do me a favor, and back off.”  Damon doesn’t back off, of course, but we’ll get to that in a bit.

First, we cut to scene in which Caroline and the other girls in the Founders Court are being interviewed by Carol Lockwood and the other council/ committee members.  There is a reference to the fact that this year’s winner will take the stage at the Founders Gala.  Ooh, Founders Gala!  That should be fun, and full of drama.  It will probably happen in the finale … can’t wait.  The girls who are not Caroline and Elena clearly have no chance.   One has a DUI, the other is not part of a founding family, and another already won the previous year.  Caroline’s interview goes very well, as it seems that she has been quite the busy little bee, with charity and social work.  It’s amazing that a girl with those accomplishments has such an inferiority complex.  Unfortunately, Elena’s interview is not as impressive.  She has totally been Marissa Cooper-ing her social chair duties.  But then Elena pulls a Lana Lang, and brings up her dead mom, and how important the pageant was to her.  It could be a tight race.

Meawhile, Uncle John arrives at Casa Salvatore, uninvited.  Uncle John: “You haven’t returned any of my calls.”  Damon: “Most people take that as a hint.”  Says a vampire prone to stalking.  Uncle John: “When do we start looking for vampires?”  Damon wonders why the act, and brings up Isobel.  Uncle John explains: “Isobel and I share a mutual interest.  The original Johnathan Gilbert had an invention that was stolen by a vampire.  That vampire was then burned alive in Fell’s Church, or so Johnathan thought.  And the invention was lost forever.  But then the vampires weren’t killed, were they?  They were trapped.  And now they’re free, thanks to you, which means the invention is retrievable.”  Yet another consequence of the great vampire escape.  Yikes!   Damon, along with the audience, wonders what this device is, but John is not spilling: “The only thing that matters is that I want it back.  And you’re going to help me if you want your secret safe.”  Damon: “Why bring me into it, John?  I don’t even know what you’re talking about, much less retrieve it.”  John reminds him of his value as a first hand witness of 1864 people and events.  He also mentions the name of the vampire who took the device: “He was friendly with a woman who turned out to be a vampire.  Her name was Pearl.  Does that ring a bell?”  Ding ding ding!  Damon says that he is not playing anymore, and orders him to get out.  I’m very pleased that Damon didn’t sell out Pearl, though it was to his own advantage to play his cards close to his chest.  Damon explains to the shocked John: “You know, I only entertained this whole blackmail scheme thing of yours because I thought that you and Isobel could lead me to Katherine.  Now I know that you have no idea where Katherine is, because if you did, you would know that Katherine and Pearl were best friends.  You see, you don’t know everything, do you John?”  Interesting.  It seems that no one knows everything.  No one has the full story.  Everyone has little pieces, and I’m dying to collect all the little tidbits.  Uncle John threatens to tell the whole council about Damon’s secret, but Damon is unfazed.  He tells John to go for it, because then he’ll just kill the whole council … and then sever John’s hand and remove his ring, and kill him too.  Well then.  I’m assuming that the only reason that Damon hasn’t done so yet is that he wants information from John.  Even if he doesn’t know where Katherine is, his information could be valuable.

Cut to dance practice for the pageant, in the school gym.  Carol Lockwood instructs the group of couples, including Elena and Stefan, to “Flirt with your eyes.”  And they totally do.  It is absolutely adorable.  There is much hullaballoo about the dance between Elena and Damon, later in the episode, but this dance was also quite charming … if you like that sort of thing.  For the record, I am not taking sides in the great Stefan vs. Damon debate.  Elena says that the dance is ridiculous, but Stefan says that’s only because she doesn’t know how.  Elena: “Sorry.  Only one of us was around when dance was invented.”  Hehe.  He twirls her around, and they are clearly having a fun time.  Carol Lockwood does not approve of fun though: “Oh, no no no.  There’s no touching during this part.  It’s about the simple intimacy of a near touch.”  Ooh, we must remember that line, for later, because she’s not wrong.  Carol compliments Amber, the girl who is not from a founding family, and who is played by Spencer Locke (Travis’s girlfriend Kylie, in Cougar Town), for dancing with a bit more decorum.  But back to Stefan and Elena.  Stefan is not convinced by this whole “near touch” thing: “If you ask me, the near touch is overrated.”  She notes his extremely good mood, and he gets defensive: “Is that a bad thing?  Would you prefer me to be brooding and tortured?”  She says that she’s not complaining and enjoys the fun while it lasts … which is pretty much up to this point here.  Stefan/ Elena fans, prepare to get sad and/or angry.

In the hallway outside the gym, Caroline offers Bonnie the breakdown of her chances in the pageant.  Classic.  “The Fell cousins don’t have a shot.  And Amber Bradley is only on the court so the pageant doesn’t look like it’s founding families only, which of course it is.  So that leaves Elena.  And she totally has the sympathy vote, since her parents died.  How can I compete with that?”  Bonnie is less amused than I was: “Very nice.  Very sensitive.”  Caroline apologizes, remembering that Bonnie’s Grams just died, and says that this all must seem very unimportant.  Bonnie: “It’s okay, I get it.  You want to win.”  The way that Katerina Graham delivered that line was a bit creeeeepy.  I’m not sure whether it was supposed to be or not.  If it was supposed to be creepy, I’m a bit worried for our Bonnie.  Uh oh.  Caroline explains why this is so important to her: “My grandmother was Miss Mystic.  And both of my aunts.  My mom’s the only one who didn’t get the gene, and I want this.  I actually deserve this.”  Oh, Caroline never misses the opportunity to get a dig at her mom.  That’s something she and Kelly could have bonded over.  Missed opportunity.

The two girls run into Elena and Stefan on their way into the gym, and Bonnie totally freezes Stefan out.  Hey, it’s better than drinking people’s blood, which Stefan totally does in this episode, so point to Bonnie.  Caroline explains that Bonnie is filling in for Matt, who has to work.  Work will also be an excuse for why Matt isn’t Caroline’s escort later.  I miss you, Matt … despite your uncharacteristic bout of violence last episode.  Oh, and on that subject, for anyone curious at why Matt’s behavior was so upsetting to me in the last episode, read the following post that I wrote in December: “Matt: Nice Guys Finish First.” I want Matt to be the guy who doesn’t punch people when drunk.  But back to the scene.  Elena is aware of the tension, and asks if Bonnie has a minute.  Bonnie tries to get out of talking one-on-one with her best friend, mentioning the time constraints for practice, but she agrees, and the two go off to talk.

Elena: “Bonnie, you have to tell me what’s wrong.”  Bonnie: “It’s not worth talking about.”  Elena: “What do you mean not worth it?  You’ve barely said 10 words to me and you won’t even look at Stefan.  [Pause of understanding.]  Is that what it is?  Is it Stefan?”  Bonnie: “Listen, Elena.  I can’t just pretend like everything’s okay.  Everything my Grams did was to protect us from those vampires in the tomb.  And now they’re out, which means she died for nothing.”  Elena: “I’m so sorry, Bonnie.  What can I do to make it better?”  Bonnie: “That’s just it.  There’s nothing you can do.  I blame him, Elena—him and Damon.  And I’m not going to put you in a position where you have to choose sides.  I’m just having a hard time with it.  Okay?”  Stefan, of course, is listening in, with his vampire hearing.  Not cool, Stefan!  I thought we talked about this.  Boundaries, dude.  Human-blood-drinking is not the only thing that guy has got to learn how to control.

The conversation that he was NOT supposed to hear makes Stefan all broody again, and walks outside.  Coincidently, there is a guy bleeding on the pavement right in front of him, injured in a basketball game.  This has quite an effect on Stefan, and when Alaric comes over to check on him, he chokes Alaric.  Not okay, Stefan.  Alaric’s life is highly valued around here.  But since Alaric has a magic immortal ring, I’ll let it slide.  This incident is also important because it allows Alaric, the only sane and attentive adult in all of Mystic Falls, to realize that something is off.

And cut to Alaric in a suit!  It’s a beautiful thing. I mean, he looks tolerable, I suppose.  He arrives at the Gilbert home to pick up the ladies.  He asks Elena how Stefan is, clearly concerned.  Elena brushes it off, saying that Stefan went through a lot, “but he’s bouncing back now.”  Hmmm.  Alaric is not dumb enough to buy that.  Uncle John interrupts, and reveals that he thought that he was driving.  Jenna shuts him down immediately, saying that they’re going with Alaric.  She adds: “Jeremy can ride with you.”  Do you think that is that more of a dig at John or Jeremy?  Ouch.  I guess both of the Gilbert boys are out of the inner circle.  I’m starting to feel sorry for John.  I mean, we have yet to see evidence that he’s a horrible person, deserving this shoddy treatment.  Of course, I also felt sorry for Julian Sark, when Sydney was mean to him, so maybe that is just David Anders’ effect on me.

Cut to Anna arriving at the party.  Yay, Anna!  I’m so glad that they’ve kept this character on this show.  She is much needed.  However, I am not so sure about her choice of jewelry: a very large black heart necklace paired with gold butterfly earrings.  Too much muchness.  She probably did not run the jewelry past her mother, who, like Coco Chanel, might have advised taking one of those items off.  Still, she looks absolutely beautiful, because, hello, Malese Jow is gorgeous.  Damon asks, “In the running for Miss Mystic Falls?”  Anna smiles: “Sometimes you have to wear uncomfortable heels to blend in.  [Isn’t that the truth?  Sigh.]  I remember this event from 1864.  I was supposed to enter, before everything happened.”  Damon: “Ahh.  Nostalgia’s a bitch.”  Hee.  Anna is not amused: “If you’re just going to mock me, can you move along, please?”  See?  Love her!  Damon: “John Gilbert thinks your mom stole an artifact from Johnathan senior senior, back in 1864.”  He wants the item, but Anna wonders why she should bother helping him.  Damon: “Because you want to stay in Mystic Falls, and John Gilbert is in town making that impossible.  Find out where it is.  He leaves, you can buy a welcome mat.”

Upstairs, Jenna helps Elena with her hair.  Elena thanks her, but Jenna quips, “Don’t thank me until you’re sure your hair’s not gonna burn off.”  Good point.  Also, make sure that your forehead and scalp have not been scalded.  Sometimes it is dangerous to be a girl—I am speaking from experience.  Elena recalls how excited her mom was for this pageant, and notes how things have changed.  Jenna points out that it’s a little late for cold feet.  Elena: “I don’t have cold feet.  I just think I’d be enjoying it a lot more if she was here.”  This is a beautiful, small, and subtle moment between aunt and niece, which I appreciated.  Jenna’s face totally betrays her sadness for a second, but then she makes light, trying to buoy Elena’s spirits: “Well, I’ll tell you one thing.  Your hair would have a better chance if she was.”  Elena says she has to put her dress on, and warns her aunt to be careful with the iron.  As Elena exits, we see Caroline’s face in the mirror, listening and looking pensive.

Downstairs at the party, Uncle John approaches Jeremy outside, noting that he looks miserable.”  Jeremy asks, “Is there really a whole month of these events that I’m supposed to show up at?”  Uncle John advises, “You can fight it if you want, but it’s part of being a Gilbert.”  At the mention of their family heritage, Jeremy is prompted to ask his uncle if he knows anything about their ancestor, Johnathan Gilbert.  Uncle John: “Prolific writer.  Crazy inventor.  Why do you ask?”  Jeremy says that he read his journal, which he found in his dad’s stuff.  Uncle John find that surprising, as most were locked up.  Ooh, intriguing.  More journals could translate into many more reveals, and much more material for future seasons.  Jeremy is also surprised to hear that there are more.  Uncle John explains: “Jonathan Gilbert journaled his whole life.  Right up to the bitter insane drunken end.  Guy had a lot of demons.”  Insane drunken end?  Well, I would feel bad for crazy Johnathan if he hadn’t screwed over Pearl.  Uncle John admits to “browsing” through the journals, but I suspect that he did a lot more than that.  And what about the other families’ journals?  There is a lot of potential there.  Jeremy asks what John thought of what he wrote.  Uncle John: “Crazy ramblings of a mad man, of course.”  Uh huh.  Anna walks nearby, and Uncle John comments on how pretty she is.  Jeremy agrees, and after saying that she’s a friend of his, he excuses himself to go talk to her.

Upstairs, Elena is still not in her dress, when she runs into Amber.  Amber is very nervous, and leaves to get some air.  Don’t do it, Amber!  Come back!  There is a hungry vampire in the parking lot!  Then Damon enters, and tells Elena that they have to talk.  He tells her, “Normally I would have a totally different outlook on what I’m about to tell you, but since it could really inconvenience me, I’ll squeal.”  She wonders what he’s talking about.  Damon explains, “Stefan’s still drinking human blood.”  She is shocked.  Shocked I tell you.  I mean there were absolutely no signs.  It’s not like Stefan was acting odd and out of character, and doing things like, I don’t know … dancing.  Damon continues: “A month ago I would have rejoiced.  But with the council back on the alert, it is not a good time for Stefan to fly off the handle.”  Hmmm.  Do you think this is a good enough reason to justify telling Elena?  Or is it a manufactured excuse to get the story where the writers want it to be?  At first, I thought Damon could and perhaps should have handled this by himself.  However, on further thought, I think that it really worked this way.   Damon realized he needed Elena on his side to convince Stefan to behave.  She would be the only one able to snap Stefan out of the state of denial that he is in, and who could motivate Stefan to get things under the control.

Of course, at this point, Elena is still in her own state of denial.  She tells Damon, “I know he’s been a little edgy, but he said that was normal.”  Damon deals the final blow: “He has a fridge full of stolen blood bank contraband in the house.”  Elena: “Oh my god!”  Then Damon goes on to deliver  the best line(s) of the episode: “He has no idea what normal is.  His entire existence isn’t normal.  Normal to a vampire is drinking human blood.  But he spent all this time fighting it, when he should have been learning to control it.  Now it’s controlling him instead.”  Who knew Damon was so self aware?  This theme of control has been a big one lately, and I have to wonder how this problem will eventually resolve itself.  Will Stefan learn how to control his hunger, and be able to imbibe human blood on occasion?  Or will he have to go on a strict no-human-blood diet, and never fall off the wagon?  Personally, I’d prefer the former.  However, they’ve already handled the “addiction” aspect of the story better than I expected, so I’ll wait it out before judging.  But back to the conversation.  Elena tells Damon: “I can’t believe this.  I mean, it’s Stefan we’re talking about here.”  Damon: “Stefan on human blood, Elena.  He’ll do anything, he’ll say anything, because he’s not gonna want to stop.  Trust me.”  This of course begs the obvious question: do we trust Damon?  What is his real motivation here?  Does part of it have to do with feelings for Elena?  Or displaced feelings for Katherine?

Back downstairs, at the party, Jeremy approaches Anna.  She is not too happy with him: “What is it?”  Jeremy: “C’mon, don’t be like that.”  Anna: “Why not?  You were basically using me to turn you into a vampire, so that you could be with someone else.”  Well, she does have a point.  Jeremy: “I wasn’t using you.”  Anna: “Really?  Then how would you like to define it?”  Rather than explain himself, Jeremy points out Anna’s wrongdoing: “I don’t think it’s any worse than becoming friends with me just so you could give your mother my blood.”  Well, he does have a point as well.  Solution:  let the past stay in the past.  Anna wonders how Jeremy knows about her plan to feed him to her starving entombed mother.  Jeremy says that “It’s not important,” but Anna insists.  Jeremy: “Everything.  I know everything.”  Well, I think that is overstating things a bit, Jer.  I mean even Uncle John doesn’t know everything, as we learned earlier.  I think that you know more than you used to know (which was absolutely nothing), Jeremy, but no more than Elena.

Upstairs, Stefan interrupts Elena and Damon’s tête-à-tête.  He wonders what is going on.  Damon explains to his brother: “Just filling Elena in on your extracurricular activities.”  Stefan feigns ignorance: “What are you talking about?”  Elena: “I know about the blood, Stefan.”  Damon takes that as his clue to leave.  Stefan tells Elena that he was going to tell her, that he’s fine, and that the blood doesn’t change anything.  Riiiight.  Elena: “It’s changing you.”  Stefan: “Why?  Because I kept it a secret from you?  C’mon, Elena, look.  Given the way you’re reacting to me, can you really blame me for doing that?”  Oh, not the right angle to play there, Stefan.  Elena: “Are you  hearing yourself right now?  You’ve been stealing blood and lying.  And you say that everything’s fine?  Everything is not fine, Stefan.”  Stefan:  “So what, so you and Damon all of a sudden have everything figured out?”  Elena: “It’s not about Damon, it’s about what’s happening to you.”  Stefan: “I know, and I’m telling you that I’m fine.  I’m fine.  Please, c’mon, Elena, I thought you believed in me.”  Carol Lockwood comes in at this point, to tell Elena that the lineup is starting.  Elena tells her that she needs a minute.  Carol notes that Elena’s not even dressed yet, and says disapprovingly: “Escorts wait, downstairs, Stefan.”

Dismissed, and unable to convince Elena of his delusions, Stefan goes into the bathroom and smashes a mirror.  Stefan smash!!!  I hope that someone has already created fan art depicting Stefan as the Hulk.  If not, I’m disappointed in you, fandom.  As Stefan stands there with vamp face on, and bloody hands, Amber comes in.  Oh, I thought she was supposed to stay out of the parking lot.  Frak.  I should have warned her to avoid bathrooms.  On the positive side of things, the seven years of bad luck that result from breaking a mirror are really a very miniscule portion of Stefan’s life, in the big scheme of things.

In a less violent area of the building, introductions of the pageant contestants are being made, along with their escorts.  Carol Lockwood wonders where Amber is, while Elena and Caroline stand at the top of the stairs.  Matt couldn’t get out of work, so Caroline has a “boring fill-in escort.”  Hey, she said it, so I don’t have to.  Now, I refuse to weigh in on the Stefan vs. Damon debate, but in the Elena’s dress vs. Caroline’s dress debate, I would definitely go for Caroline’s strapless green number.  Both girls look lovely, however, Elena looks miserable.  Elena is worried that she doesn’t see Stefan.  Then she tells Caroline: “What am I doing?  I never should have gone through with this.”  Elena even starts to leave to find Stefan, but Caroline sets her straight: “Uh, no no no way.  No.  You had your chance to drop out.  And believe me, I was all for it, because there’s no way I can beat you.  Elena, you’re doing this because it was important to your mom.”  Awwwww.  I’m so proud of Caroline.  Seriously, I actually felt pride in her.  She rose above her petty jealousy to help a friend who was hurting.  It’s a Founders Day miracle.    At this point, Caroline’s name is called and and she walks down the stairs.  The name of her date was announced as Jeffrey Lockwood-Hamilton.  Hmmm.  Tyler’s cousin?  Maybe he’ll join the show in season 3, and then there will be trivia about when his name was first introduced.  And then this recap will serve a purpose.  But probably not.

Cut to Anna, who tells Jeremy: “You’re missing Elena’s introduction.”  Jeremy doesn’t care.  Bad brother!  Anna asks, “So she has no idea you read her journal?”  Jeremy: “Well, she keeps things from me, I’m going to keep things from her.”  Anna wonders what he will do now.  Jeremy: “I don’t know.  There’s a part of me that’s so angry that she covered up what happened to Vicki and erased my memory.  But there’s also this other part of me that’s glad.  I don’t want to remember Vicki like that.”  Anna: “As a monster?”  Jeremy: “No.  As someone who wanted to hurt me.”  Hmmm.  I still think Elena was wrong to do it.  Anna: “When I met you, you were just a part of my plan to get my mother back.  But then things changed.  All that time we spent together.  I would never do anything to hurt you.  You know that, right?”  Awwww.  Jeremy is lucky that someone as awesome as Anna is looking out for him.  Especially since no one else in Mystic Falls cares much that he exists.  Well, I guess Uncle John cares that Jeremy exists, as he observes Jeremy and Anna’s conversation, somewhat creepily.  And he didn’t even know that Pearl was Anna’s mother at this point.  Hmmm.

Meanwhile, Stefan and Amber are outside in the parking lot.  She says that she is in the ceremony, but he compels her to be okay with being abducted, as vampires do.  Don’t worry, Amber.  You were never going to win anyway.  Stefan tells her about drinking the human stuff and it messing with his head.  Amber: “You seem sad.”  Stefan: “I’m not sad.  I’m freaking hungry.”  Ha!  That line was hilarious.  But Stefan, I think perhaps you may be eating to deal with how sad you are.  Did you ever think of that?  What is the root of your dependence on food to deal with your problems?  That’s how food addictions work, according to some television show that I saw once I think, maybe.

Back inside, Elena’s name is called, and Stefan is not there.  He’s too busy talking to a blonde in the parking lot about his blood addiction.  Hey, it happens.  Damon steps in to take Stefan’s place, and I’m not gonna lie … it made me smile.  Damon was really on his very best behavior this episode.  And the way he stepped in, I had the sense that he was doing it to help Elena, not himself.  Just a feeling.  Then the strains of Within Temptation’s “All I Need” began to play, as the couples lined up to dance.  Elena asks what they’re gonna do, but Damon tells her that they just need to get through this first.  As Damon and Elena dance, they really demonstrated “the intimacy of the near touch,” and let me tell you, it is intimate, and definitely NOT overrated.  It is steamy, and may cause heart palpitations.  But I’m not picking sides, despite the fact that I rewatched that scene countless times, and despite the fact that I downloaded “All I Need,” and replayed it over and over.  That was strictly for research purposes only.  I mean, I didn’t even enjoy it.  It was work, people!  Work that I don’t get paid for …  but that’s beside the point.  Then the couples began the part of the dance that does involve touching.  No, not that kind of touching.  Just a nice slow dance type deal.  Dum dee dum la la la la.  I’m not taking sides.  But if I were … nope.

Cut to Stefan and Amber, who are having much less fun.  Stefan: “I don’t hurt people.  I don’t do that.  I’m the good brother.”  Uh huh.  Amber: “Do you want to hurt me?”  Stefan takes on a very creepy tone: “I want to kill you.  I want into rip into your skin.  And I want to feed on your blood.  Under your skin, pulsating, flowing, your carotid artery right there.  If you puncture this just right, you can control the blood flow.  It takes practice, but it doesn’t have to make a mess.  You don’t have to waste any.”  If only Stefan took his own advice about the mess.  But more on that later.  Amber asks, “What’s stopping you?”  He says that he just wants one taste and he bites in.  Oh, Stefan!  Now, for all you kids out there, Amber is under mind control, and that’s why she seems to be enjoying this whole blood spewing from the neck thing.  Being bitten by a vampire is gross and painful.  Don’t get any ideas.  And don’t invite the pizza delivery guy inside, just to be safe.

Back at the pageant, Caroline, Elena, and the others stand on stage.  Mayor Lockwood thanks them all for bettering their community.  I guess the committee didn’t get a memo about Elena helping a tomb full of hungry vampires escape.  Or maybe they did, and that’s why Elena doesn’t win.  I would imagine unleashing hungry blood-suckers onto the public would not qualify as “bettering the community.”  Instead, Caroline Forbes wins!  And she’s shocked.  Yay!  Proof that goodness is rewarded.  I hope this helps Caroline’s self-esteem, despite the ridiculousness of a beauty contest validating anyone self-worth.  But anything to buck up Caroline’s opinion of herself.

Upstairs, the Sheriff and Uncle John find the bloody glass from the mirror Stefan broke.  Sheriff:  “Get me Damon Salvatore.”

Cut to Stefan, who is very upset and has blood all over his face.  He says, “I can’t do this.”  Um, I think you just did.  And I guess you didn’t take those words about making no mess to heart, unfortunately.  Amber: “It’s okay.  It doesn’t hurt that much.  Just not so hard next time.”  Stefan is horrified with himself:  “Oh god.  I can’t stop.  Why aren’t you afraid of me?”  Amber: “You told me not to be.”  Stefan: “What?  What’s your name?”   She tells him that she’s Amber, and he tells her that she needs to be afraid of him, and to run like hell.  She does.  But will it be fast enough?  I mean, with the vampire super speed, telling your victim to run doesn’t even seem fair.  It just seems mean.  Amber is wearing heels!

Inside, Damon fills in Elena about the blood upstairs, and the missing Amber.  As the two leave to find Stefan, Bonnie sees what’s going on and follows.  Presumably because she is actually a good person, and is worried about the hurt human girl.

Back in the woods nearby, Stefan catches up to his victim.  Again, I refer you to the super speed.  So unfair.  Amber: “You said to run.”  Stefan: “I changed my mind.”  And he bites.

Elena and Damon find Stefan at this point, and he’s a bloody mess.  Elena begs Stefan to stop.  Damon does not have much luck and is thrown at a tree.  Then Bonnie steps in and uses her powers to do something to Stefan’s head.  At first it seems that it was hurting him, but then he calms down.  Hmmm.  Thoughts?  Stefan and his bloody mouth are shocked and upset, and Elena is horrified.  If Stefan is going to continue feeding on human blood, he really needs to invest in a handkerchief.  Rather than clean himself up, however, Stefan runs away.

Cut to a short time later.  Amber is wrapped in something that looks like aluminum foil, or perhaps the blanket version of a disco ball.  Weird.  Sheriff Forbes tells Damon, “She doesn’t remember what happened.”  Elena and Bonnie deny seeing anything.  Bonnie asks if she will be okay, and the Sheriff says, “Looks like it.”  The Sheriff tells the girls to get back to the party.  Once they start walking away, she checks with Damon: “They didn’t see the bite mark?”  Damon covers for them, saying they were too far away.

Elena tries to take this opportunity to talk to Bonnie, but Bonnie is not having it.  Bonnie: “I told you, I wasn’t going to make you choose.  But I need to make the choice for myself.  Please, just leave me alone.”  I get it, and I respect it.  I just hope that she comes to a place soon where she realizes that she needs to rebuild her friendship with Elena, and that the girls maintain that closeness.

Back in the party, Aunt Jenna asks Jeremy if he’s ready to go.  I guess she remembered that he existed too.  But didn’t he arrive with Uncle John?  Whatever.  Jeremy says that he needs a sec, and continues talking to Anna.  John: “Who’s that girl with Jeremy?”  Again, why is he so interested?  Creepy.  Jenna: “She’s new in town, I think.  She and her mom, Pearl.  The family that you’re so rudely trying to keep from buying Grayson’s building.”  Oh, Jenna, shhhhhhhh.  John’s ears perk up: “Her mother’s name is Pearl?”  Jenna: “Yes.  So?”  Uncle John: “I believe I already know all about her.”  Uh oh.  I also randomly realized in writing this paragraph that there are a lot of names that start with J’s on this show.  Odd.  Or, perhaps, something completely dumb and irrelevant for me to comment on.

Then Alaric goes outside with the keys, telling Elena that he’s going to get the car.  However, he sees Elena’s face, and realizes that something is wrong.  He asks what happened.  We don’t actually see her explain it to him, but it soon becomes apparent that Alaric helped Elena out.

Cut to Damon walking alone, when Pearl and Anna approach.  They want to talk.  Damon: “I’m not in the mood.  Today’s been a no good very bad day.”  [My inspiration for the opening paragraph of this recap, in case you were wondering.]  Pearl is not swayed: “Anna tells me you’re looking for something from Johnathan Gilbert.”  At this mention, Damon decides to listen.  She hands him the invention, which looks similar to the vampire compass, but is clearly far more special and amazing.  Pearl explains: “Johnathan was passionate about his inventions.  He confided in me that he had created a detection device meant to track down the town’s vampire element.”  Damon: “It was a pocket watch.”  Pearl: “That’s what it turned out to be, yes.  But that’s not what I stole.  I discovered my mistake when I saw the watch in Johnathan’s hand the night they took us.  Its dial pointed at me.”  Damon: “So what is this?”  Pearl: “I have no idea.  Now it’s yours.”  Damon: “What’s the catch?”  Pearl: “There is no catch.  My daughter wants to stay here.  I want to stay here.  You refuse to trust us, and for good reason.  Consider this … an apology.”  Move over vampire compass, you are so 5 episodes ago.  There’s a new gadget in town.  What could it possibly do?  Any theories?

And now, we cut to our heartbreaking conclusion.  Stefan arrives home, upset, but cleaned up somewhat.  Elena shows up, and Stefan tells her, “You shouldn’t be here.”  Elena: “I know.”  Stefan: “Now you know.”  He seems to be referring to some truth about himself.  Elena: “That wasn’t you.”  Stefan disagrees: “Oh, it was absolutely me.  A monster, a predator—it’s who I am Elena.”  Elena: “That’s what the blood makes you.”  Stefan: “The blood brings out what’s inside of me. If you think any differently, you’re an idiot.”  Well, this conversation is veering in a bad direction, and it only gets worse.  Elena: “I know this isn’t you, Stefan.”  Stefan: “I wanted to drain every ounce of blood from that girl’s body.”  Elena: “No.”  Stefan:  “It’s who I am, Elena.”  Elena: “No, you can’t scare me off.”  Oh, but he really should.  Don’t prove him right about the idiot thing, Elena.  He wonders why she risked coming there.  Elena: “Because I did this.  This is my fault.  I’m the one who made you drink the blood.”  Shut up, Elena!  And don’t ever say that again.  Ugh.  This really started to veer into an abusive relationship here, but thankfully I was saved from yelling at my TV by the ensuing events.  Stefan: “All you did was expose me to who I really am.”  I wouldn’t even go that far.  Shut up, Stefan.  Elena: “This isn’t  really you.”  Stefan: “Stop saying that!”  Smash.  Elena: “Stefan, I’m not going to give up on you.  I believe in you.”  Stefan: “Stop!  Stop!”  He pushes her against the wall.  Ooh, this is really going to a bad place.  But then Stefan realizes what he’s doing and apologizes, crying on Elena’s shoulder.  She tells him that it’s okay, and then, she stabs him with one of Alaric’s vervain tranqs.  He collapses.  Phew.  I was really worried about the direction that scene was going.  I’m sooooooo relieved that Elena went in there armed, with allies, and with a plan.  At this point, Damon comes in, and he is not surprised.  He’s in on the plan.  He asks, “Sure you want to do this?”  Elena: “I’m sure.”

Cut to the two of them in the basement, locking the door on Stefan’s new detox center.  Damon: “There’s no guarantee that this is going to work.”  Elena: “It has to.”  No, Elena, it really doesn’t.  Damon asks if she’s coming, and she says that she’s going to stay, sitting down next to the door.  Damon sits down beside her.  Hmmmm.  It’s just like the promo poster said: “Drawn together.  And not pulling away.” But I wouldn’t count Stefan out for long.  He’s probably Elena’s lobster.  Not that I’m taking sides, because I’m not.

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