THE VAMPIRE DIARIES: “A Few Good Men”

Photo Credit: Bob Mahoney / The CW.

Read on for my recap and review of The Vampire Diaries 1×15, aired March 25th, 2010.

Once upon a time, many weeks ago (I believe it was February 11^th), the CW aired a brand new episode of The Vampire Diaries.  In that episode, Bonnie and Grams opened the tomb, and there was no Katherine to be found.  It turned out that Katherine was NEVER in the tomb, and poor Damon’s vampire heart was shattered into a million pieces.  Also, Grams died, due to the strain of the powerful magic, and there was widespread mourning.  Then the entire kingdom had to endure an evil HELL-atus, in which no new episodes were aired.  It was horrible period of famine and pestilence, and many people suffered.  But thankfully, that Dark Age is over, as a new episode of The Vampire Diaries aired this week.  “A Few Good Men” was screened about three weeks ago at PaleyFest, and garnered much gasping, laughing, and applause from the theatre full of fans.  Last night, it was finally aired on television for all (in the U.S. and Canada at least) to see.  The second time around it still held up for me, and I am more than ready to recap and analyze it to pieces.  So, let’s get on with it.

We open on a random hiker in the woods.  Unfortunately for him, he meets up with the escaped vamp from the tomb.  He asks what year it is, and reveals his name to be Harper.  Harper tells the confused hiker: “You seem like a very nice person. I’m sorry.”  Hiker: “Sorry for what?”  Vamp attack!  Also, please note the large RING that Harper is wearing.  Cue the title card.  Harper puts on his victim’s clothes, and leaves the guy for dead.  Before walking away, however, there is a rather funny little moment in which he throws away the guy’s cell phone.

Meanwhile, Elena, sitting on the Gilbert porch, calls Bonnie and tells her that she misses her.  Sadly, no actual Bonnie in this episode, and there is also very little reference to Grams’ death.  Jenna comes outside, and Elena tells her that Grams’ funeral brought back stuff from her parents’ deaths.  Elena asks Jenna about digging for info about the adoption.  Jenna tells her to come inside.  She found a record of Isobel’s patient records, which listed her name as Isobel Peterson.  Due to the magic of Bing, we learn that her name was Isobel Fleming, she was a cheerleader, and that she had a friend named Trudie Peterson, who still lives in the area.  Around this point, Melinda Clarke’s name comes by in the credits.  Woo hoo!  (There will be more woo-hoo-ing to come, so be warned.)  Jenna couldn’t find anything else about Isobel, but she does reveal that Isobel was Alaric’s wife’s name.

Cut to Stefan: “Alaric’s wife might have been your mother?”  Elena doubts that it can be true, as the coincidence would be crazy.  She also points out, “If it’s true and they are the same person, that means that my birth mother is dead, and I’m not sure I can handle that.”  Stefan reveals that Alaric told him some stuff about Isobel’s death, but leaves out the part about it being Damon’s fault.  Stefan notes that he has to go to deal with Damon.  Elena, ignorant of the fact that he killed her birth mother, asks how Damon is.  Stefan: “He’s dealing, in his own way.”  I’ll bet.

Cut to Casa Salvatore, where Damon is “dealing.”  His method seems to be partying with a bunch of sorority girls.  When Stefan enters, expressing concern, Damon quips: “You’re worried about me.  That’s nice.”  Stefan brings up Katherine, but Damon doesn’t want to hear it: “Why dwell on it?”  He continues, “It’s so liberating not having a master plan, because I can do whatever the hell I want.”  Well, that is one way to look at it.  During this little convo, we can see that the girls are covered in bite marks.  Supposedly Damon will not kill the girls, but deposit them minus some blood back in their dorms.  Stefan shows only some mild concern at the most, and amusement at the very least.  A real prince.  Ugh.  The abuse of girls is treated so casually sometimes on this show that it really pisses me off.  Grrrrr.  Stefan brings up Isobel, asking whether Damon remembers her.  Damon either doesn’t remember or really doesn’t care to remember.  Stefan says that it’s important.  Damon: “Nothing is important. Not anymore.”  I’m not so sure that I buy that though, as we shall see that he finds Elena to be pretty important and worthy of some remorse.

Meanwhile, Caroline and Matt are watching TV at his place.  Caroline: “So, shouldn’t we do something a little more bachelor pad-y?”  Matt kisses her but then teases: “I don’t know.  It’s a pretty good show.”  Ha!  They start to get hot and heavy.  They are interrupted, however, by the illustrious Julie Cooper Melinda Clarke: “Oh, god.  Not on my couch.”  Mom’s back!

In town, Jenna puts up a Founders’ Day Fundraiser sign, enlisting Alaric’s help.  She has signed Alaric up for the Bachelor Auction that is part of the whole fundraising thing, and instead of complaining, he kisses her.  It is very sweet.  Then, however, Jenna ruins the romance by bringing up Isobel.  If Alaric kissed me, I would at least revel in it for a few minutes before bringing up his dead wife.  Just saying.  Jenna notes that Elena’s birth mother’s name was Isobel … hint hint hint.  Alaric says that there’s no chance that Isobel had a baby.  Jenna pushes it, however, and shows him a photo of a young cheerleader Isobel.  Alaric clearly sees that it IS her, and says, “Wow.  She … uh … never told me.”  Ouch.  He gets out of there ASAP.

Meanwhile, Elena goes to visit Trudie Peterson, the cheerleader pictured with Isobel.  Trudie is a blonde woman in her early thirties, and Elena asks her about Isobel Fleming.  Trudie hasn’t heard that name in a while … or so she claims.  Elena asks, “Do you know if she had a baby that she gave up for adoption?”   Trudie: “Oh my God, you’re her daughter.”  She invites Elena in for tea, without actually inviting her in.  Elena crosses the threshold, as Trudie takes note of her ability to enter.  Hmmm.

Cut to Elena awkwardly babbling and trying to explain herself.  Trudie says that Elena stopping by is not a problem but it’s a surprise.  She offers her tea, and the two continue their discussion.  Elena: “When was the last time you saw her?”  Trudie says that it was 17 years ago.  Aha!  So she must have left town once she got pregnant and never returned.  Isobel was in Florida for awhile but then she ended up moving to North Carolina, and going to Duke for college.  Elena asks about her father.  Trudie: “I could never get her to fess up.”  Hmmm.  Then Trudi excuses herself to text someone, mysteriously.

Back at the Donovan home, Matt and his mom chat.  It seems that Mystic Falls’ answer to Julie Cooper has been M.I.A. for a while.  She is very dismissive of Caroline, and refers to her as the “flavor of the month.”  Matt replies: “She’s not a flavor, mom.  I like her.”  Mommy Dearest then gets one more dig in: “Seriously, Lezzie Forbes’ daughter?  Ugh.”  Oh, Julie Cooper.  You do not disappoint.  To Matt’s credit, he tells her to knock it off.  He asks if she’s heard from Vicki, which she hasn’t, obviously.

Meanwhile, Alaric and Stefan meet up in town.  Stefan: “So it’s true.  Your wife Isobel is Elena’s birth mother.”  Smooth, Stefan.  Real smooth.  Alaric, as one would imagine, is not thrilled with his wife’s killer, but Stefan warns against any confrontation.  Stefan: “Damon is not stable right now.”  As Stefan is referring to a homicidal maniac, Alaric is not really surprised, or moved.  Stefan advises Alaric to let it go, but Alaric quips, “Is that what you’ll tell Elena?  Let it go?”  Stefan: “Leave Elena out of this.”  Alaric just wants to know what happened.  Trust me, Alaric, you really don’t.  You really really do NOT.  Alaric gives Stefan a photo of Isobel to aid in his whatever.  Who even knows what Stefan is up to, other than NOT telling Elena and Damon the truth and thus delaying the inevitable.  Sigh.

Cut to a flashback of Alaric and Isobel.  Isobel is up late, working on her computer.  Alaric wakes up: “Look baby, I’m in a three-way here with you and your computer.  The least you can do is let me know what you’re up to.”   Ha!  Isobel thinks that there are vampires in a small town near where she grew up.  Alaric is not alarmed by the fact that his wife believes in vampires, so he’s clearly used to her supernatural tendencies.  Alaric tells her, “This is why I love you. […] You’re like Mulder, only hotter.”  Hee.  Isobel assures her husband that she will prove that she’s right, and quips, “And Mulder was right in the end.”  They are just too adorable.  TV rules dictate that one of them must die or turn evil, in order to balance the adorable.  Hey, I don’t make the rules.

Meanwhile, Elena and Trudie are still having tea, but Trudie notes (very pointedly) that Elena isn’t drinking hers.  Well, that was subtle.  Not.  The tea is clearly drugged.  When Elena tries it, she realizes that it has vervain in it.  She confronts Trudi: “You didn’t invite me in and you’re serving vervain tea.  You know.”  As my sister pointed out, why would she need to test Elena with vervain tea, when she already came in uninvited?  What was the purpose of serving the vervain tea?  Just to see whether she recognizes the taste?  I’m confused.  Trudie looks frightened, and tells Elena to leave.  As she goes to her car, she sees a man just staring at her, standing in the middle of the road.  Elena drives off while he stares.  Creeeeeepy.

Cut to Alaric and Damon, at the Mystic Grill.  Awkward.  Damon snarks: “Behold the teacher.  Don’t you have papers to grade or something?”  Alaric: “It’s uh more fun with a buzz.”  I will neither confirm nor deny that statement.  Damon: “Well, most things in life are.  Sober is depressing.”  Alaric: “You don’t strike me as somebody who gets depressed.”  Damon: “You say that like you know me.”  Alaric: “No, it’s just a hunch.”  As he gets up to leave, he says, “You have a good afternoon.”  Damon: “Not likely.”

Sheriff Forbes approaches, and Damon asks if she has ever been in love.  He continues, “Have you ever been so bent on someone that you just have your heart ripped out by them?”  Sheriff Forbes: “You forget I was married.”  Damon: “Right, gay husband. [He turns towards the bartender.]  She’ll have what I’m having.”  Ha!  She wants him to be a bachelor in the auction: “You’re a hero to this town.”  Gag me.  She begs, noting that Carol Lockwood (we now have a first name for Mrs. Mayor) will never let her live it down if she doesn’t find a bachelor.  What a weird town.  Damon agrees to have a room full of women pay to date him.  Why not?  He then asks her about Alaric, and she agrees to look into him.

The creepy man from the road goes to Trudi’s door and thanks her for the text.  Trudie: “You’re welcome.  I didn’t tell her anything.  I kept my promise.”  But she adds that the girl knows something.  He’s clearly not a vampire, as he comes in without an invite and chases her up the stairs.  Then he throws her down them and she seems to be dead.  Of course, you never know with this show.

Cut to Harper, in the town square.  He exchanges a knowing glance with a woman sitting on a bench.  What?

Cut to Elena arriving at Casa Salvatore to find a shirtless Damon.  Elena notes that he is wrecked, and asks him how he is.  Damon: “Never better.”  Lies!  He can’t button his shirt, so Elena does it for them.  I was watching with my sister and at that little moment she exclaimed in a very disapproving voice, “Elena Gilbert!”  Indeed.  Elena tells Damon that she found out who her birth mother is, to which Damon replies: “Ugh, who cares?  She left you.  She sucks.”  Ha!  And oddly sweet.  Then Stefan walks in, and Damon makes the usual deprecating remarks before leaving.   Elena: “He’s fine.”  Stefan: “He’s Damon.”  Elena tells him about visiting Trudie, and apologizes to Stefan for doing so.  Blech.  She says that Trudie had vervain and knows about vampires, noting that it can’t be a coincidence.  Stefan agrees that it’s not, and hints at further knowledge from Alaric.  However, he gets her to promise not to go to Alaric for more info yet.   Protective or infuriating?  You know my vote.

Meanwhile, Jenna and Alaric are at the Bachelor Auction.  Alaric is one of the bachelors, so lucky ladies (despite the ridiculousness of this plot device).  He apologizes for earlier, saying that it was a shock.  Jenna says that it’s fine, but suggests that he and Elena talk.  Alaric doesn’t think that is such a good idea, at least for a while.

Back at Casa Salvatore, Damon asks Stefan: “Where’d our girlfriend go.”  Boundaries, much?  Yikes!  Stefan shows his brother the picture of Isobel, asking again whether he knew her.  Now, why could he not reference that this was Elena’s birth mother?  Why?!?!  Damon denies any knowledge.

Cut back to the auction, where Caroline, Matt, and Elena are hanging out.  Caroline is proud of the fact that Matt is cougar bait.  Hee.  Kelly Donovan approaches.  She clearly likes Elena and very pointedly ignores Caroline.  She very blatantly tells Elena, referring to Caroline: “He found his rebound girl.”  Right in front of Caroline.  Ouch.  There were gasps in the Saban Theatre at that line.  Oh, Julie Cooper.

Also at the Auction, Damon flirts with Carol Lockwood.  He tells her about the date he has planned, and gives her the idea to rig the auction.  Hehe.  Which she SO does.

Then Damon catches up with Sheriff Forbes.  She did a check on Alaric, and tells Damon the sad story of his wife going missing.  Damon: “Does she have a name.”  Sheriff Forbes: “Isobel.”  Dun dun dun.  Damon smiles.  Uh oh.  A smiling Damon is a dangerous Damon.

Then Carol Lockwood introduces the bachelors on stage.  First there is a plumber—that prize will go to Kelly Donovan.  When she gets to Alaric, she offers the following perfect description: “Oh, beauty and brains, ladies.  This one’s a keeper.”  Exactly.  She asks him for a fun fact about Mystic Falls, but he’s got nothing.  When it is Damon’s turn to speak, he quips, “Well, I’m tough to fit on a card.”  Heh.  He then proceeds to bait Alaric with references to a girl he met in North Carolina, very clearly talking about Isobel.  To cap it all off, he says, “She was delicious.”  That comment also prompted much gasping at Paley.  Elena has been listening to Damon’s torturous comments as well, and she knows that Damon is talking about her mom.  She runs out of there, upset, and Stefan runs after her.

Stefan catches up with Elena outside.  Elena: “He killed her.  Damon was the vampire who killed her!”  She says that she feels so stupid for feeling sorry for him, and hoping that the Katherine thing would change him.  Oh, now you feel stupid Elena?  Not when he killed your teacher, and tried to kill your best friend?  Or when he killed Lexi?  Or when he used and abused Caroline for weeks?  Sigh.  Stefan understands how she feels: “Because you weren’t the only one hoping he would change.”  Hmmm.  Stefan really goes back and forth about Damon.  One minute he is all “Damon is a monster, without humanity.”  Then the next minute he’s overly optimistic about Damon’s capacity for good.  I’m getting whiplash.  This conversation is interrupted, however, when Elena sees the man from the road (who killed Trudie).  Stefan tells her to go back inside, of course.

Back inside, Kelly Donovan wins the plumber boy in the auction.  Carol announces it, dripping sarcasm: “Ah, Kelly Donovan.  Lovely.  You and the plumber should have so much fun.”   When Caroline tries to congratulate Kelly, the woman ascends to a new level of crazy awesome meanness: “OK, just stop.  Stop trying so hard.  This thing you’re doing, this nice thing, it’s fake.  Like you, like your mom.  And for some reason Matt fell for it, but that doesn’t mean that I will.  I don’t like you, OK?  So, tell Plumber Boy I’ll be at the bar.”  Wow.  Just, wow.

Elsewhere, Elena confronts Damon: “Did I forget to mention earlier, when we were talking about my birth mother, the one that gave me up?  Her name was Isobel.  Go ahead, reminisce about how you killed her.”  He loses his grin QUICK.

Stefan then follows Elena outside again.  Then the man from the road approaches and tells Elena: “I have a message for you.  Stop looking.  She doesn’t want to know you.  She doesn’t want to talk to you.”  It seems that he is referring to Isobel.  The guy is clearly under compulsion.  He stands still in the road, and is hit by a car.  As Stefan ushers her away, Elena picks up the cell phone that dropped from the dead man’s pocket.  How very stealthy of her.

Back inside, Jenna wins Alaric.  Lucky girl. And surprise!  Carol Lockwood wins Damon: “What are the chances?”  Ha!

Cut to a flashback of Alaric and Isobel.  Alaric is getting sick of the vamp nonsense: “I think it’s time to let this vampire crap go.”  He wants to know why it’s so important.  He says that he just wants to be normal people.  Isobel looks very concerned: “Maybe I don’t want to.  Maybe I want more.”  Uh oh.

Then we switch to Matt, taking his drunk mama home.  Kelly: “You’re the best, Matty.”  She’s sorry that she was gone so long.  He asks why she’s really home.  She reveals that her boyfriend Pete is gone, and she blames herself.  She is an emotional MESS but she looks amazing.  I’m not sure that Melinda Clarke ages.  She begs him not to leave her, telling him that he’s all she has left.  It’s all very sad and dysfunctional.

Meanwhile, at Casa Salvatore, Alaric enters with a stake, demanding to know what Damon did to his wife.  Damon: “Are you really that stupid?”  Damon admits to feeding on Isabel, but says that she’s not dead.  He turned her.  And she came to him.  Alaric: “You turned her because you liked her?”  Damon: “No, I slept with her because I liked her.  I turned her because she begged me to.”  Gasp.  And ouch!  Damon continues to lay on the pain: “I guess she wasn’t happy at home, wasn’t happy with life in general.  Wasn’t happy with you.”  Alaric lunges at him, but Damon quickly gets the upper hand.  “This is a shame.  We’re kindred spirits, abandoned by the women we love.  Unrequited love sucks.”   And he stakes Alaric.  Damon: “Sounds like I got a lung, which means I get to sit here and watch you die.”  Noooooo.  And Damon proceeds to do just that, drink in hand.  Not Alaaaaaaaaaric!!!  The second time around it was much less stressful, but that first viewing I was very very very upset.  Very very very upset.  And did I mention that I was upset?  And scared?  And really upset?  But I think that I did not really believe that they would do that to us.  Deep down, underneath all the FEAR, that is.

Then Stefan comes in and asks what he did.  Damon: “All I did was tell him the truth.  His wife didn’t want him anymore.  It’s not my fault he couldn’t handle it.”  Stefan: “Like you’ve been handling Katherine?”  Ha!  Good one.  Damon: “I’m handling it fine.  You know what?  Isobel came to me, she found me.  And if she’s related to Elena, that means she’s related to Katherine, and maybe Katherine sent her to me.”  Stefan has had enough of this Katherine bull shit: “Stop it!  You don’t have to keep looking!”  Damon is oblivious to Stefan’s protestations: “It can’t be a coincidence Isobel sought me out.  I’m assuming you’ll take care of this.”  He then walks out, leaving Stefan alone with Alaric’s body.   After an excruciating wait, Alaric is revealed to be alive, and uninjured.  Sigh of relief.  Stefan is shocked: “Did Damon turn you?”  Alaric assures him that he doesn’t have vamp blood in his system.  He says it was something else, and we get a close-up on THE RING.

Cut to a flashback of Alaric and Isobel.  Alaric: “Surprise gifts aren’t fair. I always feel bad for not getting you something.”  It’s the ring!  Isobel: “Promise me that you will always wear it. It will protect you from all the things that go bump in the night.”  Alaric is amused: “A ring to ward off the demons, huh?”  She says that he should consider it a token of his affection, and an apology for how she’s been acting.

In the present, Alaric realizes that the ring protected him.  Stefan: “That’s impossible.”  Alaric: “I know.”

Cut to Elena in her bedroom.  She picks up a picture of herself with her parents, in a frame that actually has the word MEMORIES on it.  Subtle.  And then she calls the last number on the cell phone she stole.  It’s Isobel!  Who quickly hangs up on Elena.  Dun dun dun.

Meanwhile, Harper arrives at a house in the woods.  The women from the bench in town answers the door, and calls to someone else: “Pearl, it’s Harper.”  Pearl and Anna appear at the door to greet Harper, and the owner of the house, a Miss Gibbons, invites him in.  Anna closes the door.  The end.  What????

So, what did you think?  How scared were you for Alaric’s life?  How much did you miss Bonnie?  Is Melinda Clarke the best thing to happen to Mystic Falls since Gina Torres?  (Cross your fingers that she doesn’t end up the same way, because poor little Matt’s heart could not take it.)  Comment below.

Related posts:

• THE VAMPIRE DIARIES Season Finale: “Founder’s Day”
• THE VAMPIRE DIARIES: “Isobel”
• THE VAMPIRE DIARIES: “Blood Brothers”
• THE VAMPIRE DIARIES: “Miss Mystic Falls”
• THE VAMPIRE DIARIES: “Under Control”