Read on for my recap of Smallville episode 8×05, aired October 16th, 2008:
The episode starts at Chloe and Jimmy’s engagement party. At first I thought it was their wedding reception, but I guess they’re not quite to that point yet. There’s a cheesy cake with a picture of the happy couple. Everyone seems happy, except for Lois who is sitting at the bar getting tanked. She tells Clark that she doesn’t think the Chloe should be getting married to “the first guy that shows her any attention, present company excluded.” Clark proceeds to act like an ass by taunting Lois that really she is just jealous that her younger cousin is getting married first. This is not the 1800s, Clark—shut up. Lois ends up giving a slightly harsh speech baring her thoughts, but the way it’s written it kind of feels true (at least to me). She’s not entirely wrong, is all I’m saying. Side-note: Chloe looks really pretty in this episode. I never really liked Chloe in the early seasons, but now that she has gotten over her obsession with Clark (at least in the romantic sense) I have really started to appreciate her quirky charm. Her increasingly good hair (i.e. no longer asymmetrical) and the retro-fashion thing are also factors in her favor. When Chloe and Jimmy leave the party, they conveniently exit into a dark alley, and are shot with tranquilizers and kidnapped by a hooded figure. Cue the credits: “Somebody saaaave me …”
The next day, Lois wakes up hung over on Clark’s couch. Clark comes in all high and mighty, and Lois begins to look a little confused and nervous. There are some funny little looks back and forth and I have to admit that I’m starting to like these two together, despite my usual hatred for Lois. They’re kind of charming. I can’t believe I just said that. In response to “We didn’t …?” Clark tells Lois that she’s hysterical when she’s hung over. Clark reminds her of the highlights of last night, which included “a little drive on the porcelain highway,” and a “White Snake sing-along.” I wish they let us see the sing-along. Clark is totally loving his moral superiority here—and using his trade-mark condescending smirk.
Then we move to Oliver—soft sunlight framing his face (really the director did that, it’s not just me)—sitting in Mercy’s office. Oliver to Tess: “To be honest with you, revenge is not your best color.” There’s a lot of back and forth along these lines: Lex is awesome, no Lex is evil, you and Lex were probably having sex, etc. (You get the idea) Oliver offers the white flag, flashing his charming smile, and convinces Tess to go to dinner with him. She gives in a little too easily though, so I was worried that she might be plotting something—and I was right, as we see later.
Lois (wearing one of Clark’s plaid shirts) and Clark enter Chloe and Lois’ apartment which is still decorated for a romantic night (rose-petals, candles, fuzzy hand-cuffs, etc.). Lois plays a drunken message from herself to Chloe that embarrassingly is praising Clark. They take half an hour to figure out that Chloe and Jimmy didn’t come home last night. Duh!
Cut to the bad-guy of the week’s lair where the psycho is reciting lines from a wedding: “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together to find out if these two are really meant to be.” As Chloe and Jimmy look around they see a dead couple bound to chairs. Uh oh. The kidnapper is in a creepy mask and is melodramatically raising jumper cables to them and saying things like, “This is electricity, electricity hurts … It’s not torture. Not everyone is meant to be married … Couples who are truly dedicated have no secrets.” The psycho performs a series of tests on the couple, asking whether they have cheated (Jimmy kissed Maxima, Chloe’s gets away scott free, despite her attraction to Crash Down), and whether they are in love (surprise: they both are!).
While this is going on, Lois and Clark are back at the Daily Planet (hurrah—I love the Daily Planet!), trying to figure out where their friends are. Lois refers to Clark as a “mild-mannered copy boy.” Hee. Lois gets inspired and asks Clark to marry her. She figures that they should pose as a married couple in order to trap the kidnapper. The fake couple go to a ring shop first. Again, I have to admit that their scenes are really cute together. (I can’t believe I just said that—I feel like an alien has taken over my body!) Oliver waltzes into the ring shop while they’re looking atengagement rings and is thrown by the sight. “Tell him cupcake,” Lois urges a very frightened looking Clark. Clark lies to Lois’ ex and claims that he and Lois are engaged. The scene is pretty funny, which is rare for Smallville, so kudos! When they leave the shop, Clark is itching to use his powers in order find Chloe more quickly, so he super speeds out of there when Lois’ back is turned.
Back at the freaky marriage-obsessed guy’s lair, Chloe is able to convince the lie detector that she’s not in love with anyone else, so the kidnapper decides to let them go, since they’re so in love. Give me a break. We get a little back-ground that psycho guy killed his wife for lying to him. You don’t say? I never would have guessed. “Congratulations James Olsen and Chloe Sullivan, I now pronounce you man and wife.” Then he shoots them with something, and delivers them back to Chloe’s apartment.
Oliver goes to the mansion and Tess challenges him to spar with sticks. It is revealed taht Ollie cheated on Tess with a waitress. Oliver apologizes, but Tess says she doesn’t want an apology, she wants an explanation—“what the hell are you so afraid of?” Oliver answers, “you.” A bit clichéd and predictable there, but Justin Hartley know how to deliver “the Look,” so I’m o.k. with it.
Chloe tells Jimmy that they are alive “because you don’t have any secrets.” Cue the guilty look on Jimmy’s face. Oh no, what are you hiding now? Clark and the police arrive, and in the usual Smallville-way Clark figures out that the jeweler guy is the kidnapper and he has Lois. Clark uses his super hearing to find her, but when he gets to the lair, he buckles in pain. It seems that the kidnapper is CONVENIENTLY wearing his kryptonite bracelet that day. Fashion statement? Clark tells the jeweller that he knows who he is, so the guy dispenses with the mask. This does not tone down his creepiness at all. He begins testing Lois and Clark, blah blah blah. We learn that Lois loves Clark, but before we can find out if her feelings are reciprocated, Clark rips the bracelet off and knocks it in the drain. The guy collapse, and Clark takes him out—CONVENIENT smokiness blocks Lois from seeing Clark do that. Oh my, I can’t believe they’re saved—I was so worried …. oh wait … not so much.
Later that night, Lois watches the video of her drunken speech, and regrets her behavior. Blah blah blah. “You were just being honest.” “Why didn’t you just tell me?” Blah blah blah. Chloe refers to Lois as her “big-cousin,” which is weird and just an awkward term. Big-sister, yes. Big-cousin, no. Lois is shocked that Chloe really loves Jimmy. Her awkward hug of congrats to Jimmy is a kind of awesomely hilarious. There’s also a fun little bit where Lois admits that Clark was right, and Chloe replies, “He usually is. Get used to it.” Hee. This is why you’re no one’s favorite character, Clark.
Then there’s the stupidest scene ever where Jimmy tells Chloe that he’s not who she thinks he is. I’m not even going to give his explanation the satisfaction of recapping it—stupidest secret ever. Suffice it to say, Jimmy has some daddy issues (doesn’t everyone on t.v. these days?) and Chloe forgives him.
Oliver had a much better night than most, and wakes up in Tess’s bed. He presents her with jewelry, but Tess tells him to save his diamond gift for a waitress. She tells him that she just had and itch and Oliver scratched it, and unceremoniously leaves. Ouch Oliver, ouch.
Back at the DP, Lois is trying to avoid Clark, when she finally runs into him at the elevator. “In or out, Lois? Statistically, this is the safest way to travel.” Love it! In the elevator of uncomfortable silence, Clark finally comments that he’s impressed with how good Lois is at lying. Lois eagerly accepts this line of explanation for her love confession, and lies that she slid the sensor off her finger. “Even though I’m a master of deception, I did need a little help …” Clark looks a little disappointed.
Next week: Doomsday!